Bio
My name is Amy Gates (also known on the ‘net as amygeekgrl or the Crunchy Domestic Goddess). I live in Colorado with my husband Jody (yes, he’s a guy...
 
 
 
 

What’s Hot on BlogHer.com

Recent Comments

Breastfeeding until age 3, 4 or 5 - more common than you think?

  • Share This Post
  • submit
  • 25
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

When my daughter was born four and a half years ago, I had no plan for how long I would breastfeed her, I just knew that I would start off breastfeeding and then go with the flow. It so happens that in our case going with the flow meant that one month shy of her fourth birthday she was still nursing (albeit only once a day), and as I would soon discover, we weren't the only ones on this path.

I wrote my thoughts about this shortly before her fourth birthday in a post titled On Nursing a Preschooler.

I didn’t set out to nurse a preschooler, but somehow along the way, my sweet little baby grew from an infant to a toddler and eventually blossomed into a preschooler in what now seems like the blink of an eye. I am confident this won’t go on forever and when I look back on this time when she’s 10 or 20 or 30, and I look at the young woman she’s become, I am hopeful that I will feel good about the choices I made and have no regrets.

When I wrote that post I was feeling rather isolated and wondered if there were others who'd chosen (either deliberately or unintentionally) to take the long-term (a preferred alternative term to "extended") breastfeeding route. I soon got my answer. I received 62 comments on that post. Amazingly none of them were negative and several came from women saying that they too nursed an older child and many thanked me for talking about it openly.

Lisa from The Joy of Six said, "I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve nursed mine until they stopped which has been anywhere from 14 mo to 4. Thanks for letting all those ‘closet nursing' mommies know they aren’t alone."

Melissa at Through My Window said: "The whole time I was nursing both of my girls past the age of 4 I always wished that I could talk about it and that more moms were willing to admit that they were nursing for a long time too. My girls only nursed at nap-time and bedtime as they became older which meant only 1-2 times/day. Of course, they are weaned now, but I have no regrets and I would absolutely nurse future children as long."

Liesl from Come, Mommy, who was tandem nursing both her 4 1/2 year old and baby at the time, said:

Got a 4.5 year-old-nursling over here! Sometimes it is a lot to nurse two, but on the other hand, it’s one of the few times Liam will settle down for a bit. Then after he nurses, he’ll sit around and chat, and that’s when I often find out the things on his mind. And I think it’s eased his transition to brotherhood as well. Nursing a 4 year old is a very different thing than nursing a baby, and it is most definitely not for everyone, but overall I’m glad I stayed with it.

Nina (no blog listed) said:

I think it is important for those who think breast feeding a preschooler is *bad* that in many, many parts of the world this is quite normal. Only with the invasion of TVs and computers (whereby the views of more advanced countries are shown) have many moms stopped breastfeeding after about 1 year….they seem to think that the entire world is like that….

My mother was a midwife before she married my father and she very, very strongly rec. breast feeding until the child was ready to wean on his/her own….and this was back in the 50’s!

Heather at A Mama's Blog shared with me a story from her former employer:

My old boss told me an interesting story a few years ago. He was in his 60’s at the time, and grew up in the country. He said when he went to school at lunch time the “little” boys about ages 6 and 7 would go home to nurse. There wasn’t a lot of food at that time, and the mothers also used it as a form of birth control.

I thought that was pretty interesting that just in the 1940’s, nursing a 6 and 7 year old was perfectly acceptable. Too bad we have come so far in the other direction in the last 60 years.

I also took an informal poll (if you will) on Twitter to see if others are nursing or have nursed children ages 3 and up. I was rather surprised by the number of replies I received.

  • 25
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

Comments

Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest
Air2264 5 pts

My little one is approach 5yrs old and I am still breastfeeding. I have seen African women breastfeeding their children 6 and 7 yr olds after school so I know it is perfectly normal.

Chimneewoo 5 pts

Every message I read like yours makes me eternally grateful that I am still nursing my almost 20 month-old daughter (4th child! ages 21, 14, 8, and 20 months), and almost makes me mourn the loss of this experience with my other children. Nonetheless, it brings me thanks for my newfound awareness and joy to overcome the idiocy of our money-hungry, selfish nation. I never judge, because I have been there, but I am SO grateful for the blessing of the knowledge of Truth. Thank you for letting God work through you!

Chimneewoo 5 pts

Happymomma!
How are you now? I CRIED reading your post. I am SO not the breastfeeding Mom I ever thought I would be....my 4th baby (1st daughter) is currently the only baby I have breastfed past 3 months, and certainly the only baby I breastfed exclusively for the recommended 6 months. She is now almost 20 MONTHS OLD and I do not see the end yet. I cringe when I read what people have written to say, "if you want to wean, just SUPPLEMENT with FORMULA!".....as if something made by human could EVER replace God's plan or even touch the nutritional value and other benefits that could never be described. What a difficult decision you had to make, but I hope you found peace knowing that God gave you the wisdom and strength to take care of yourself so that you could find health.....and I pray that you found that!!!!

TheFeministBreeder 5 pts

I just wanted to come back and say that here I am, 6 months later, and still nursing.  My son is 14 months now, and though I've given up pumping at work, we're still nursing when I get home from work at night and on the weekends.

Of course, my family has started in pretty heavily with the "I could NEVER nurse a toddler" cracks, and telling me all the stories they've heard of kids nursing at 8 yrs old.  Whatever. I spout off all the science, but they just twist up their faces and call it gross.  Oh well. F 'em.

The Feminist Breeder
http://thefeministbreeder.typepad.com/

Happymomma 5 pts

My precious soon to be 4 year old soon is no longer having his much loved "nummies" and I am in a very sad and depressed state.  I did not think it would affect me this badly but it is.  I need to remember that I have him almost 4 years and that was such a gift, but I still feel bad. I always wanted him to self wean and it just was not happening.  almost a year and a half ago through an mri on my brain to check out a hearing loss I experienced many years ago they found a cyst in the deep gray matter of my brain.  They said that it very well could have been there my whole life and was probably nothing but they wanted to do a contrast MRI with dye to get a better look.  I would not do it because I was nursing.  I kept thinking I would stop and just couldn't.  Now almost 1.5 years later I felt as the time has come as I don't think my son would ever stop on his own.  He just loves his nummies to much.  My 21 year old daugther needs peace of mind that her mom is okay and I do owe her this.  To get my son to accept the end of his dear nummies I explained to him that I needed the test done and if it was important to my health that I stop nummies.  He was not happy but did make it very easy as he did not cry when I refused nummies.  We cuddled and fell asleep the past few nights watching Fantasia.  Now I am just soooo very sad.  I feel I gave him something so special and I took it away. I took something he loved so very much away.  Can someone please help me through this sadness I am feeling?  Thank you for this sight Amy, you are a blessing as are all the moms who have been so vocal about their full term breast feeding.

Akronmomofthree 5 pts

I am the mother of three young sons.  I breastfed my first until he was almost 4, my second until just a month or so ago and I am still breastfeeding my 2 year old "baby".  I tandem nursed each sibling and breastfed through my second and third pregnancies.  I have been breastfeeding for nearly 7 years straight.

I have never much thought about what people *think* about extended breastfeeding, because in my opinion, it proves itself worthwhile every minute of every day.  My sons have a very unique bond, they love to be touched, they are extremely sensitive and they are all bright.  I believe that by nursing them as long as they need I am strengthening their foundation for life. 

Your article is much needed and very appreciated, thank you!  While I have never personally encountered negative reactions to extended breastfeeding my boys, I find it sad and extremely oppressive when other women experience unrequested advice and/or opinions.  Breastfeeding is personal and the length and duration should be up to the mother and child exclusively.

I believe with all of my heart that the more we get back to child led breastfeeding/weaning ... the better our world will become.  One positively bonded and securely attached child at a time.

TheFeministBreeder 5 pts

My nursing son is only 8 months old (next week) and people have already started asking me "how long are you going to do that for?!?!"  I say at least until he's a year old, but then I go on to cite all the benefits of nursing past 1 year, and spout off the WHO's recommendations, etc.  People always look at me with this shocked look and say something like "oh! I didn't know that.. interesting..."

I made the decision to cut it off at a year because pumping at work and at school is stressful enough, and I only want to do it for as long as I have to to avoid formula feeding.  As soon as the doctor says "cow's milk is okay" - I'm done.  My son is already too distracted to nurse properly and it's started to cause me some plugged duct issues.  I'm counting the days until he's 1.  But lately I have thought that if nursing beyond a year was easy for both of us, then I'd definitely do it as long as it was comfortable.  I see nothing wrong with it.  It's just not something I'm committed to doing.  As far as I'm concerned, lasting a year is more than most moms will do, so I've already gone above and beyond.

The Feminist Breeder http://thefeministbreeder.typepad.com/

amygeekgrl 5 pts

It can be an isolating experience because most of us who are nursing older kids are only doing it at home (either because we feel like we have to "closet nurse" or since most older nursers seem to only be nursing 1-2x/day), so we don't see it happening in public and, therefore, think it must not be happening it all. It's good to talk about it and to join msg boards, etc. just for the reassurance that others are doing it and we are all normal - whatever that word means. ;)

Thank you all for sharing your experiences here. :)

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

zimkandace 5 pts

It's just so hard to not feel alone.  Does anyone ever intend to breastfeed for what feels like an eternity?  I don't think so.  But those of us who make it past the "norm" wonder if we are alone.  I tandum nursed after my daughter was born but my son decided after a few months that he was no longer a "baby" and would use that time to snuggle instead, he was 27 months at the time.  I tandum nursed for 5 months.  Now, the "baby" is 2.5 and nurses like she is never going to stop.  I feel, like many I assume, that I am alone.  So, thank you for telling the world and me that I am not alone.  And, that we aren't exactly "extreme" either because man I am so NOT extreme it is not even funny! 

Anyway, THANKS!

Kandace

Touch of Chaos ( http://kyanandaspen.blogspot.com )

SortaCrunchy 5 pts

What a thorough and supportive encouraging article.  Thank you, Amy!  I agree that changing our vocabulary from extended breastfeeding to long-term or full-term breastfeeding is an imperative first step towards the "normalization" of breastfeeding beyond infancy.  (And I, of course, mean making it something perceived as "normal" by western cultures, not that it isn't normal already.)

I breastfed by oldest until she was just past two, and the only negative, hurtful comments came from those within my family (who, interestingly, did not have children).  Otherwise, friends and caregivers were very supportive.  I think if I hadn't gotten pregnant with our second, she would have continued nursing.  Our little one is MUCH more into nursing at sixteen months than her sister was, so I am curious to see how long she will be my little nursling.

Again, thanks so much for such an insightful article.

msloftis 5 pts

I breast feed all five of my children. They all breast feed for different lengths of time. My first 4 children only breast feed for a year to a year and a half. My 5th daughter wasn't giving up so easily. She was just shy of her third birthday. For the longest time she would walk around with her baby dolls tucked inside her shirt pretending to breastfeed. She is now 8 years old and wants to grow up and be a mommy. Although, I think her desire to be a mommy of 14 children is a bit much. :)

amygeekgrl 5 pts

Thanks, Summer. I agree that we are in too much of a hurry to make our kids grow up. I also think it's funny that ppl worry that kids that nurse til they are older will not be independent. My dd, who nursed til she was 4, has been crazy independent since she was about age 2. I think giving them that connection when they are young and letting them know you are there for them helps them to become independent. :)

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

amygeekgrl 5 pts

That's wonderful that you had such a good experience with your first that you are doing the same with your second. :)

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

amygeekgrl 5 pts

It sounds like your nursing relationship is a great one and definitely mutually beneficial. :)

Thank you.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

CanCan 5 pts

 I nursed my first child to 26 months, and I was at a point where I was no longer comfortable nursing him in public. It DOES look shocking to see long legs dangling down from the mother's lap. I know it especially freaked out my friends who didn't have children (even though i did nurse in front of them when they were visiting in my home). 

 I don't begrudge people their gasps or horror. I understand.

I have seen an older child nurse in a village setting. In that village (a Mayan reservation in Belize), some of the children still ran home on school break to nurse. Around age 6 or 7, like you said.  

CanCan

Mom Most Traveled

www.MomMostTraveled.com

carrielauth 5 pts

I had to laugh at Amber's comment because I had a similar experience the first time I went to an LLL meeting. I could hardly stop staring at a mom nursing her toddlers. I think they were 4 and 2.

Whowouldathunk that I would be in the same position a couple years later. LOL! Oh and also an LLL leader myself. ;)

I've been nursing nonstop for ten and half years. My youngest is only 3 but when she's done such a huge part of my life will change. 

http://www.SexyNursingBra.com/blog

amygeekgrl 5 pts

I understand what you are saying and it's something that I struggle with. That's part of the reason why I used the term "long-term" breastfeeding throughout much of the article. I aslso used "extended breastfeeding" though because it's what the majority of people are familiar with. However, now that you mention it, I could have used "full-term" too, which I think is an even better phrase for it.

Thanks for all you do to help normalize breastfeeding. 

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

Summerm 5 pts

Awesome post, I stumbled it. :) Nursing older kids is such a non-issue, it seems odd that so many have problems with it. We’re in such a rush to hurry our kids up, make them independent, move them on before they are ready that seeing a mom actually listening to her child’s needs seems out of place.

Thanks for linking to my Helium article!

Summer

http://wiredfornoise.com 

EKalma 5 pts

This is an excellent article, Amy. Perhaps because I grew up knowing I was nursed into toddlerhood, I always planned on allowing my kids to self-wean. My son is 13 months old and still nursing. Although I nursed until 18 months, I wasn't allowed to self-wean, so I'm hoping to beat my mom's record.

I think one of the major issues people have with so-called "extended nursing" is they see it as something the mother is doing for her own personal enjoyment. I know that my son not only wants to be nursed, he still needs it! I do get enjoyment out of nursing him, though. After a long day of work, it's so nice to lie down with my son and nurse. I feel all the stress just releasing from my body as all of that oxytocin kicks in.

http://blacktating.blogspot.com

BeyondPrenatals 5 pts

To read about a major health benefit of nursing for at least 12 months, check out my latest post at http://www.beyondprenatals.com/2009/01/breast-canc...

Debra

www.BeyondPrenatals.com ( http://www.BeyondPrenatals.com )

BeyondPrenatals 5 pts

I think its funny that we try to encourage mothers to nurse their babies for more than one year but then we call it "extended nursing" as if it is not the normal thing to do.  If we want women to feel comfortable nursing older babies and toddlers, we need to consider how we phrase it. 

Debra

www.BeyondPrenatals.com ( http://www.BeyondPrenatals.com )

hermalina 5 pts

thank you for this post. i nursed my daughter till she was 25 months, when i was pregnant. i am currently nursing my second daughter, and am looking forward to an extended nursing relationship with her. 

amygeekgrl 5 pts

You are so right, Amber. It's especially funny (ironic?) when we find ourselves doing the very same thing that shocked us before we become parents or when we were new parents. I can recall several times saying, "I'll never..." and then I find myself doing that very thing at a later date. It's hard to know how it will all work out until we're in the thick of it ourselves. 

Thanks for sharing. :)

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

AmberS 5 pts

I didn't nurse my daughter quite as long - 'only' until 34 months.  Still, by most standards, that's pretty long.  I remember the first La Leche League meeting I attended, I saw a mom nursing her 2-year-old and was shocked.  Needless to say, I was in her shoes a couple of years later.  We may start out mothering with one plan, and end up doing something totally different.

I'll be watching the 20/20 special tomorrow.  I wasn't able to see the clip (maybe because I'm in Canada?), but I hope that it's a fair and reasonable portrayal of extended nursing.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com ( http://www.strocel.com )