Bum Raps.

Years ago, Terrence Howard said something that had ladies all across the land up in arms. Here is what he said, when asked what his relationship "deal-breakers" were:

"Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."

People freaked out. People lost it. People flipped their shits (excuse the pun). Me? I was kinda like,


Women all over started accusing him of hating women, of being a misogynist, of being a disgusting pig of a man.

I beg to differ.

I don't think he was saying women and parts specific only to women are gross and dirty and filthy. I don't think he was one step away from ranting about how women should cover up their dirty pillows.

I don't think he had to have been specifically talking about women at all, or girlybits, except that he was asked what deal-breakers were in a relationship with women. I don't think he was saying a lady-garden was gross or needed superfluous attention or that he wouldn't give you some lovin if you didn't douche with Lysol.

I think he was saying bum-bums are nasty, Which they are, and dry toilet paper does not do the trick, Which it doesn't, whether you are male or female, Which is the truth.

We here at Poop on a Hot Tin Slide are a baby-wipe family. It's just the Slider House Rules. We have baby wipes on every toilet tank in the house, and by Maya's little potty chair. I mean, people don't wipe sweet little infant bum-bums with dry toilet paper, do they? Because that would be disgusting and would never, ever get them clean, correct? It would just smear it about?

So why do we scrub at our own bum-bums with dry scratchy paper and call it good? 

(Can I just say as a sidenote, I wonder how many FBI watch-lists I'm on because of how many times a day I search Google Images for things like, "baby butts," "tiny bum bums," "kids bending over," etc."? ...)

Anyway, I feel the same way Terrence Howard does about adults needing to use baby wipes too. Why do I want to get frisky with someone and slip a playful hand down his trou to tweak a cheek if he isn't a baby-wipe kind of dude? Why do I want to take a bath with* or hop in a sexy sexy hot tub with anyone who hasn't thoroughly wet-wiped their crack until it is positively gleaming?

* Well, the answer is, I don't. But that's a story for another time, child.

Anyway, I think Terrence Howard got a bum rap (pun intended). Ba dum bum (pun intended).  Poor guy just meant that scrubbing about at your poopy rear-end with some scratchedy-ass paper (or is that scratchedy ass-paper? Oh hyphen you mock me) isn't going to get you pristine. He didn't say girls is nasty.



Mr. Howard, I salute and support you. Wet wipes for one and for all, not just for babies.






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