C-Section Remorse: "I Was Robbed of My Birth Experience"

I guess I don't feel bad about my c-section because there really was no choice. Also, later on, I came to think of it as something of a divine intervention. I did not progress beyond 3 cm dilation but was having contractions like someone at 9 cm. Both my son's and my heart rates were slowing. Also, it turned out that I had campylobacter. This nasty food-borne illness could have quickly dehydrated and killed my baby if he'd been exposed. The c-section prevented any possible exposure that might have happened. For a while I told people that I felt like a failure because I'd had a c-section, because I thought that's what I was supposed to feel like. In reality, I felt like a freak because I didn't feel that way! While I wasn't glad for the way things went--a normal birth is always best--I was glad that it happened that way because it could have been so much worse. Hope that makes sense.

I realize this is a old thread but I have to leave a comment. This story sounds SO much like mine! I fairly quickly dialated to 9cm and then nothing for hours. The dr. said my son's shoulders were to wide to allow him to pass through my cervix and that we were both getting fevers from being in labor so long. They were going to give me a c section with me awake, but the 2nd epidural wasn't doing anything for pain and made me unbelievably nauseas I couldn't even move so they ended up putting me to sleep.

This was my first child and although I didn't care so much about HOW he got here, I just would have really liked to SEE him being born. I feel like I missed the most important moment of my son's life and although it doesn't you know, 'haunt' me, It does make me kinda sigh with disappointment when I think about it. I know my poor bf had his heart set on being in the room to see his little boy come into the world and cutting the cord, there is too much backstory to this to post but let's just say it would have really meant a LOT.

A birth experience isn't always the same for everyone. I never wanted to 'prove' anything to myself or anyone else by having him naturally nor do I feel 'robbed' by the c-section, it just would have been wonderful to hear his first little cries to the world, and not to wake up with people all around me and my baby already asleep and wrapped up : /

I had a c-section and mourned the birthing experience, as though it made me less of a "woman" or a "mother"  - even though it was impossible for me to give birth to an 8lb baby (@ 4'10"). It took Way more than a few months to get over that feeling and it may seem irrational to have felt that way to some people--but I only got to have the one child (my fabulous 20 yr old daughter) and for whatever reason felt it somehow reflected and cheated me out of the experience. Frankly, now, in my 40's I'm glad my "bits" are in awesome shape compared to many women who have the full "birthing experience" - trust me, we scored on this one. :-)

Nineteen years ago,I had an emergency C-section with my son, who was breech (in a V position - butt down), but the doctor did not know it until he broke my water. I consider myself lucky to have been able to give birth to a healthy baby, and not have to labor for hours and hours and THEN have the procedure. I have to say, I felt the recovery was easier after the C-section than it was after the birth of my daughter 2 years prior, which was a conventional birth. I was much better cared for in the hospital, and was able to spend the extra days resting that I did not get with my daughter.

You may think this is a huge issue now, but as time goes on I hope you will realize that GUILT should not even be in your vocabulary at this point. And I agree with amber_z that postpartum depression may be part of your mental state.

Congratulations and enjoy every moment!

Massachusetts is currently considering a ban on C-Sections due except in medically necessary conditions. Considering the decision of your doctor, I totally agree with this ban. I plan on having kids one day and would want to avoid a C-Section at all costs. Don't want to stay past your shift? Don't become a doctor. Enough said.

I consider everything that went into birthing my baby boy part of my birth experience, including the c-section I had.

Its sounds like you may have a little post-partum depression, and perhaps you are using c-section disappointment as a crutch for real issue. talk to your doctor to be sure. were you told you would'nt be able to try a vaginal delivery if you were to get pregnant again? there are many women who are told that and are still able to give birth vaginally, like me. pushing is not that magical, it hurts, you poop on strangers, it hurts somemore, then you hurt for a couple weeks afterwards too. also i thought nurses were much nicer to me after c-section, helping with the baby. i didnt get 5 minutes help after vag birth. head up, best is yet to come.

My children are 13 and nearly 9. Both were c-sections.

I can relate to your feelings about being robbed of the "real" birth experience, and I know it can be hard to listen to people saying you should be grateful that your children came out healthy.

All these years down the road, I can attest that I still sometimes feel sad that I didn't deliver vaginally. And it feels weird to know that if it weren't for medical intervention, perhaps neither I nor my daughters would be alive.

It's a mix of gratitude, amazement, and also sorrow that has stayed with me.

Thanks for sharing! I definitely understand your feelings, though my story was different in how I ended up having a C-section with my second. I didn't feel robbed, but it was hard recovering, and I definitely had a lot of hard emotions about it.

What especially disturbed me is what you mentioned about feeling pressured. I really feel like the trend is up for doctors to give C-sections without reasons that are valid. There are so many valid reasons that are life-saving to mother and/or baby, but to hear your doctor say that she really wanted to leave before her shift was over--AAAH!! That just frustrates me so much! The thing that people don't always realize (because C-sections are so common) is that it's a MAJOR surgery. Sure, they do it quickly and well, but it's a huge thing. I know many women who were very unprepared by their doctors for the actuality of recovery. (I also do know many who had positive experiences, so let me point that out as well.) I think also (if the research is still accurate that I read while pregnant) that the risk of mother dying is three times as likely in a C-section. It's still a VERY low number, but generally if your doctor suggested doing something that would be three times as likely to cause your death, you would probably steer away, unless really necessary.

That's the thing: with so many C-sections being given, it's hard to tell what IS really necessary! I'm not against C-sections or anything, but I do think that often women are pressured into them, or that doctors do make a decision to perform them when it's not really about life-saving. I am against scare tactics and doctors performing them for convenience, veiling it in some reason that sounds medical. If it's your choice, or planned for a reason like breach baby or twins, etc, that's very different. I'm simply disturbed by the way it seems doctors scare women into them if labor is long or inconvenient. Yours is not the only story I've heard like this--I think 90% of women I know personally had C-sections in the past year, most for sort of vague reasons like the ones your doctor gave. I feel that there should be some accountability there!

I have two kids- one delivered vaginally and another by C-section. I can relate to what you're saying about the C-section recovery hindering the bonding experience. Recovering from the C-section was so much harder for me that I felt I couldn't focus as much on my daughter. But neither method of delivery is easy or pain-free for the mother, and it sounds like you did the best you could with the information you had available at the time. Congratulations on your healthy baby!

I can sympathize with you for not having your first childbirth go as planned. It's okay to grieve the experience, but the birth is just the beginning of your journey as a mother. I didn't have a C-section, but the birth of my first son was very complicated, and resulted in me being bedridden for several days afterwards, and then he needed to be admitted to the pediatrics ward to be in an incubator for jaundice after we initially went home. The added stress definitely had repercussions for me!

Then again, I wonder if the birth experience is being oversold to women nowadays as this "magical" experience. There was a time not that long ago (and in some countries) where a birth resulting in a healthy mother and baby are cause for celebration.

Yet another uninspired "I was Robbed" birth story. Seems like once you've read one, you've read them all. Get over it and focus on your baby!

We spend over 9 months thinking about how the birth of our child will go. We make plans, talk about our priorities, what we want not only for us but for the health of our baby. Then that moment arrives and sometimes it goes quite differently than we had planned. We lose the birth we had hoped for. In your case, this decision not only affects this birth but any future births you might experience. It is perfectly normal and healthy to mourn the loss of a dream. This has nothing to do with your feelings about your baby and it is unfortunate that some people need to belittle this loss by implying that you aren't thrilled to have a healthy baby.

I hope you can find peace because what's done is done. Next time you will be more informed and more involved. Good luck.

Honestly, I've never had a baby, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I'd be upset, too. Abdominal surgery is no cakewalk, and takes a lot of time and work to heal from. I say this after recovering from mine being helped out generously by my mother, and barely having the strength in the two weeks after to feed my cat. I couldn't imagine going through that and having to care for a baby, which as a future single mother by choice who has had her uterus cut on, if I'm lucky enough to conceive, I'll probably have to do.... Ew. Scaring myself. If this could have been avoided, I'd be second guessing myself and my doctor as well. There is no reason to chastise this woman for wondering if she needed a c-section; we all look back on things in our lives and replay them, looking for a "better" outcome, especially when it is such a huge event as a birth of a child. She's not wishing for a soft-focus, Lifetime Movie birth moment or unappreciative of her child's health, she's just wondering if all that rigamarole was necessary.

I'm sorry that you are feeling remorse. I never have, but that's probably because I knew I'd be having sections ahead of time. In the long run, the day of the birth is just one day in your child's life. Much like a wedding day, it seems huge at the time, but it's just the beginning of the real experience. Try not to let it get you down. Enjoy your baby boy!