The "C" word nobody wants to hear...Cancer

We all think it won’t happen to us, your friends and especially your family. For me today, it hit home.

“CALL ME UNTIL YOU GET THROUGH” was the text I received from my mom today.

“I wanted to let you know the results of dad’s test. Dad has CANCER.” She said with a chocked up teary eyed voice.

“Ok, what kind of cancer?”

“It’s in his esophagus…”

This resonated through me like the bass of a speaker at a concert. All I could do was hang up grab my son and cry. This type of news is hard to handle when you’re all the way across the country, and waiting for your fiancé to come home from deployment.

Nobody ever said life was easy. Yet, another challenge given and whether I like it or not, I have to accept it.

For those who have gone through having cancer, or know a friend or family member you know it’s the initial moment when you here the big “C” word that you just want to crawl into bed and cry all day.

The instant you hear it, memories from being a little kid and sharing a grilled cheese with your dad to giving your first son his name just floods your eyes with tears. This is the man who raised me. The man who married my mom and raised 4 children. The man who cracks pun jokes at a time that no one else was laughing. The best dad in the world.

Cancer is the one thing that brings anyone into a “panic”. The hardest part of the beginning is the understanding that there could be potential to beat it.

As I wrote this, there were many thoughts running through my head; what are his options? When can we find out more? Are there options of holistic treatment? How long does he have? Is there even a time line for him? What’s the next step? How could this have been prevented? The list goes on.

With all that said, I can only hope for the best. For the people who have gone through such “life hoops” I feel now something I have never felt before. Pain and sadness. I wish this upon no one or for our worst enemies. To see potential to lose someone to cancer is one of the worst feelings in the world.

With everything going on in the world, today my world stopped. Going forward from here will forever be different. Sometimes we have to take a step back and evaluate our lives, and what we can do to take a step in the right direction for our health. Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep. But even healthy people get cancer. So what do we do?

Every day there is potential to get hit by a car, choke, etc. I guess it’s the thought of knowing this could be slow and “painful” which hurts worse emotionally for my family and I. I know that my dad is just trying to be strong for us all. Even seeing him sick and getting the diagnosis of cancer still hurts us all.

It was today at the grocery store that an employee asked me “how’s your day going?” I’m sure she was not prepared for my reply.

“Well, I found out my dad has cancer.” As I began to cry because I had been doing so all morning. I tried so hard not to cry, but it’s uncontrollable sometimes.

 On the way out she gave me some flowers and told me “everything will be ok. Stay strong and I hope these flowers will cheer you up” gave me a hug and sent me on my way. This lets me know, there are still good caring people in the world.

For those who have gone through this, I can finally relate. Losing a loved one is never easy, and we can thank those individuals who support the efforts to find a cure for cancer. If this hits close to home for you, know you’re not alone. There are people out there to listen, and family and friends to help you. Don’t hold it in, it only makes it worse. I hope and pray that we as a family can beat this.

-Cait

 

 

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