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CAMERON
A narrative essay on Autism by K.L. Shanks
She watches him as he sits quiet and content, looking at the television but not watching it. He smiles, he laughs, he looks as if he is in deep thought, but what about? Every few minutes, he flinches and reaches toward her in a failed attempt to annoy her. She’s known him now for twenty-one years. She holds him when he is tired, cares for him when he is ill, and scolds him when he misbehaves. They understand each other though he has only spoken two words in his lifetime. She loves everything about him, except his bad habit of grinding his teeth.
It is almost 6:30 now and she knows he will be hungry again soon. She goes into the kitchen and he follows laughing out loud because he knows it’s time to eat. He has no favorite dish, however, his preference is meat. She learned at a college seminar that people like him usually become obsessed with something. Sometimes it’s books, painting, even building card houses. His obsession was eating. He would devour anything except for cereal. Cameron would get out of bed around 4:00 a.m. and eat all of the food in the refrigerator. It had really gotten out of hand once so they installed a bolt lock on the door. He hated those bolt locks.
He was well behaved for the most part. At least when she was around, he knew what he could and could not do. She also had three other brothers, two younger than Cameron. Throughout his life, his two younger brothers would sometimes pick on him ruthlessly but if someone else did, they became infuriated. She knew that this hurts Cameron’s feelings, he didn’t show it but she could feel it. They all loved him in different ways but for some reason, to her, the way she felt for him was stronger…deeper.
Her kids admired him. They would spend hours in his room playing with him and would be upset if they couldn’t. They understand him and they like to help care for him. It was hard for her to explain Autism to two young girls but it worked out well. She told them that God just makes some people different. Special.
“But, Mommy, why did he make our uncle that way?” She laughs out loud as she thought back. Sometimes the questions that children ask are the most difficult to answer. She glances across the room at Cameron, waiting patiently at the dining room table to be served his meal. Sometimes she asks him what he’s thinking about and he just smiles and signs ‘eat’. He doesn’t use much sign language at home except the sign for ‘eat’. It’s definitely his favorite.
Cameron is about 5’9”, 200 pounds but he is a big baby. He likes to curl up in their mother’s lap still at the age of 21. He’s big but gentle and he hates to see any of his family in any type of pain. He would cry uncontrollably sometimes and it hurts them immensely because they never know why. They would offer him his favorite things but nothing stopped his crying until he fell asleep. She used to stand in his doorway and watch him sleep, wondering why he cries that way. Is it because he knows he is different and it was hard to deal with? Is it something happening at school? The thought of someone mistreating him always makes her angry. Lord knows they had been through enough of that with his father. His father. Is that why he cries? Does he miss him or does he hate the memories of his violence?
He looks up and notices her watching him and he smiles again. She loved his smile. Through all the changes the family had been through, one thing that never changed was his smile.
She could remember back when he was only twelve years old. He used to think it was funny to jump out of open windows and run when no one was looking. Sometimes they would hear him crash through the screen, there were even times he
