Can Powerful Women be Good Mothers? The Double Standard with Sarah Palin

I have another cultural view of the possibilities for Sarah Palin.  Having formerly lived overeas when married to a diplomat, I had household staff for every task in the home, including a nanny, a cook, a housekeeper, a gardener, a driver and a seamstress.  Life was easy.  I also had five children at the time.  Two between high school and college, three very young children, aged 2, 4 and 6 when I moved to the Philippines.  One day, I broke my toe pretty bad and had to stay in bed for a week or so.  The house ran smoothly while I recovered.  In fact, I began to wonder that if anyone else could do all the jobs I used to do in the States, what is my role in this family?  Is a woman merely a cook for her family, the one who shops and does laundry, chauffeurs the kids, etc?  I watched each person as time went by and came to see that even with all these people doing my work, the kids came to me to connect.

Just after that, I began to work a full-time job at the American Embassy there.  I issued visa's all day, a very powerful position and with great responsibility for the relationship between countries is highly dependent on visa issues.  My five kids were home all day doing various activities with the staff.  My older teen daughters explored the city with friends and just had a good time.  The younger children enjoyed walks and the park.  Because I had realized their connection to me before I accepted the position, I felt no guilt, for I had come to realize that no one could take my place in their lives.  Though I had evenings only with them, each evening was as rich and blessed as before I began that job.  Our relationship was exactly the same whether I was home full time or working full time.

I remarried recently a widower with eleven children.  His late wife, who died of cancer discovered in her eleventh pregnancy, gave birth to two with Down Syndrome.  She even dared to go on to have another child after they were born, risking yet another child with special needs.  Now I am their "mom."  I do all the things she would be doing if she were here.  But the relationship is different.  These children feel a great sense of loss.  They have accepted me in her roles, but will never see me in their life as "their mother."  That is as it should be.

Mothering is more than any role we play.  It is a relationship that cannot be broken.  No matter who is caring for Sarah Palin's children, she will always be their mother.  No job can change that.  Love binds them together and will help them endure any hardships they face as it has already.

Based on my personal experiences, and my observations of capable women, I am certain Sarah Palin will be able to successfully carry out her relationship to her children well while simultaneously serving the public just as well in any political office she is elected to.  This doesn't make her a supermom, either.  It makes her a judicious mom.  She knows what to delegate and what not to, as I did in the Philippines.  Having others do the care of ones children absolutely does not make that parent less of a parent, whether male or female.

Just my two cents worth.

Deb Momofsixteen

As a working and traveling lawyer, mother of three, and mother of an adult disabled daughter, I have always given my husband of 25 plus years credit for doing his "51%". I have a pretty darned good idea of what it takes to do what she is doing.  I actually have also campaigned for office twice, in two states, not as successfully as she. 

 I know that my kids under age 23,  did not want to be involved in politics, any of it, and shunned the limelight offered to me, and wanted me home with them in the years that I have been traveling for work.  I know that particular age and gender combinations are particularly sensitive to the loss of mom's presence, and of dad's.  I know that I always had to make choices between my goals and aspirations and my kids to just have a normal life.  Because in the end kids like emotional stability and security until they are comfortable with themselves sometime in their teen years.  I also know that splitting even the highest quality time and attention by three, plus mom and dad's careers, has not always been satisfactory to them or us.  Parenthood is not a guarantee of perfection.  I admired the Clinton's decision to leave it at one, to protect her privacy, and to know when too much was too much for their kid.  

Yet I would do it all again, and if I was in Palin's place I might have said hell yes.  But there is something about her public casualness about their sacrifice, and the slight recognition of it, that bothered me.  I kept wondering about that 17 year old--I had a daughter who had some serious difficulties and quite honestly I just don't know where she'd be today if I had not woke up and realized no matter how she was acting like she was all grown up she was wanting my help.   As for the infant, oh aren't they so cute but she has no clue how much work and sacrifice is ahead for her husband, her other children, her extended family. Two careers is a challenge, and a child with Down's syndrome and health problems is a challenge, and a large family is a challenge, and being vice president is a challenge--and sometimes Americans are optimistic to the point of being unrealistic about the consequences.  

Ah, okay, here we are in the "Sliming Palin" article.

"Emmons flatly stated her opposition each time."

Looks like she answered.  Hmm.

If all of that is true as represented, then I would agree with you that it doesn't reflect well.

Katherine Stone

I'm not picking on you, Laurie.  I've just noticed how many people have really gotten wrapped up in that statement.  I agree it was only one small part of your larger commentary.

Katherine Stone

It was a centerpiece of her speech and it's been replayed a billion times.

If it were the only thing I was using to draw my conclusions I'd see your point, but as it stands it was just one detail I used to illustrate my point.

Laurie

We also know that Palin then tried to fire Mary Ellen Emmons, who supported Palin's rival during the mayoral campaign. 

She withdrew the termination letter for Emmons after getting pressure from city residents.

No matter how many times the question about banning books was asked or answered, these flirtations with cronyism performance management in Wasila and elsewhere do not reflect well on Palin.

Maybe her employee didn't answer the first two times?  I have no idea.  I'm quite sure we'll all find out in great detail before this is all over. 

Katherine Stone

Why did she ask three times if she just needed to answer a constituent?

To answer a constituent, she needed to only ask once.

Beautifully Stated...I could not agree more.

Under no agenda.  But I guess I just wonder if she asked so that she could respond to a constituent with whatever the official policy or process was, or if she was motivated to ask because she really wanted to ban a book.  Do we know?

Katherine Stone

Didn't ban books.  You are correct.

However, she DID have a conversation with librarian Mary Ellen Emmons where she asked her three (3!) times about possibly removing objectionable books from the library "if the need arose".  When Palin was questioned about this, she stated that this was simply a policy discussion with a department head "about understanding and following administration agendas."

Under what administrative agenda is it okay to ban books?

Everyone seems to really be stuck on this issue of the lipstick and the pit bull.  I think people who don't like Sarah overstate its meaning, and people who do think it's funny and meaningless.

 Katherine Stone

I'm not for book banning either, but from what I've heard that story is not true.  From the CNN blog "Political Ticker": ( http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/08/mc... )

On Monday, [the McCain campaign] sent reporters a memo in response to reports that the Wasilla, Alaska resident had tried to ban a lengthy list of books when she was mayor of that town.

“This is categorically false. The fact is that as Mayor, Palin never asked anyone to ban a book and not one book was ever banned, period,” McCain campaign spokesman Brian Rogers said, directing reporters to campaign research "debunking this smear."

Watchdog Web site snopes.com ( http://www.snopes.com/politics/palin/bannedbooks.a... ) has also debunked an e-mail that purports to include a list of books Palin tried to ban – several of which were not even published in 1996, when the message says her attempt took place. Factcheck.org also published a lengthy list of rumors they had found to be false under the headline "Sliming Palin ( http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/sliming_pa... )."

Katherine Stone

You make some great points. Powerful women can be good mothers. I do not have an issue with Sarah Palin being a mother of several children and running for VP. However, it is her policies and decision making while as Governor in Alaska that has me flying off to the moon screaming...

 There are many things I disagree on with Sarah Palin, but trying to ban books from her local library has got to be one of her most disturbing campaigns.

JCK

http://motherscribe.blogspot.com

Male politicians make it very clear who is watching and caring for their children.  When you see them their wives are home or in the case of the Obamas grandma is there.  These questions are not asked because they answer before it can be asked.  The flip side is how much credit do we give these men for being dad? There are no hockey dad signs or soccer dad signs that I can see.  So if she is going to tout her status as mom then we get to question her status as mom, superwoman. 

Michelle

PD--Please cite your source.

He has taken an increased role in the child-rearing since she was elected governor.

We actually don't know this.  He went back to work for British Petroleum since she has become governor, also worked as a commercial fisherman in the summer months, and made $92K last year.

I used to pull in well over 6 figures, I work at home part-time now and through contract work, and still don't make anywhere near what he made last year.

So who IS watching the kids?

The thing that really bothers me is that so many seem to be completely ignoring the fact that she has a husband.  He has taken an increased role in the child-rearing since she was elected governor.

 Are we not only saying that women can't work and have a family but also that the father is irrelevant?

That's a nice thing to share, Katherine, because I think it puts context to your positions as fleshed out in this and other threads.

My mom married in the late 1950s and struggled through being young enough in the 60s that she could have been caught up in the civil rights movement etc., but also married young and had kids early and held up that 1940s 1950s image of her mother as the ideal.

I grew up watching her really ricochet between the expectations of a man raised with the same images of a wife (my dad) and her own visions of what some of her peers were doing vis a vis the women's movement.  But ultimately, she settled into a more or less subservient role.  I had the extremely sad experience of one of my kids recently saying that they thought my mother could have been so much more if my father hadn't expected what he did of her - which was based on that 1940s 1950s person.

Now - my husband?  HE's evolved from that - certainly on the surface - and we work hard at making sure I Don't feel subservient - but I'm at the end of the baby boomers and so he still does have some images of how his grandmother was and his mother too.  This has made it difficult to be as you describe your marriage.

It is not so simple to even aspire to have it as you describe - and I think that there's a failure in some of these discussions to realize just how hard it is in reality to "have it all" - whatever that is.

Jill
Writes Like She Talks ( http://www.writeslikeshetalks.com )

I think it has been said that he will stay at home if she becomes Vice President.  I don't know that for sure though.

Katherine Stone

I sort of wonder if one's view of the stay-at-home dad, or the dad vs. mom nurturing argument, has something to do with a woman's experience with her father and/or husband/partner.  My husband is a fully-involved dad.  We share the bedtime duties -- we each get two nights on, two nights off.  We both cook and clean the house -- thank the Lord above that he likes to mop.  He comes up with things like the "Moonlight Walk" where he lets my son stay up late every time there is a full moon and they go on a walk together in the moonlight.  My husband is just as capable at this parenting job as me.  Granted, we are different.  I'm more likely to kiss the wounds, where he's more likely to tell the kids to brush them off.  But I think my positive experience with my husband leads me to believe it is possible for any family to share the duties in a way that works for everybody.

Katherine Stone

As I said, I don't believe that Sarah Palin's having children should keep her from pursuing the VP candidacy.

However, please don't assume that Todd Palin is a stay at home dad.  Between his job at British Petroleum and commercial fishing, he earned $92K+ last year.  

I agree with you!

It is not like she is going for just any powerful position. She very well could be the President at some point, and that means that all voting US citizens have a right and a responsibility to judge her. Just like we are judging and weighing Obama and McCain and everyone else we will or won't vote for.

Plus, her policy positions make it very clear that she would judge all of us for making a choice about our bodies, and she would have influence on actual judicial appointments!

I most certainly judge her for her policy positions (which scare me) but I also do judge her based on whatever small slice of 'character' we get to see. Her sarcastic and mean-spirited speech at the convention totally turned me off. Not to mention that, yes, she thought it was great to compare herself to a pitbull!

I would feel just as strongly anti-Palin if she were a man, but the sad fact is that if McCain wanted a male VP he would not have picked someone like Palin.

I do appreciate the fact that her being in this race gets a national conversation going about balancing work and family. I obviously have my preference, but I hope that whichever candidate wins they actually create some family-friendly legislation.

I think that male politicians with families should also be subject to the same sort of judgment. Even though I really like Obama and will vote for him, I actually voted for Hillary in part because she was past the most intense parenting years and Obama is still in the midst of those years. I also had the same sense about Edwards re: his family situation.

I've been trying to stay out of Gov Palin's mothering business...because really...if she can do it...more power to her!!!!

While many women I know are not running for an "office" so to speak...but do run communities...run families...and work just the same.  And work with much less "support" and "financial availability" (that's why most of them are working outside the home).

Myself, I am a pastor of a small congregation...and a single mom of a 15 year old son.  I really struggle with balancing the time I spend with members of the congregation and their needs...and the needs of my son.  Thanks be to God, he is a good kid.

When I think of my male counterparts...they usually have a wife at home to care for the kids...or if they are single...balancing family time is moot.

I don't know....and really, it is not my call - it's Sarah's.  One thing is for sure - time will tell, in the end.

This was a great post!

How do we make the policies of government, business and everything in between support all women to reach their ambitions, the same as men get to pursue and reach them?  That really is what it boils down to.

Maybe I'm just an odd-person out - I'm a process person - I LOVE to hrea from parents "how they do it" and I want to know - how does Palin do it.  This intense curiosity from me is not unique to Palin - as I've written on my own blog.  I bug every women I know who is higher up and continuing to climb this question - it shouldn't be a secret - anyway - that's how I feel. To me - it's not about prying or any of that - it's about the sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits - how do we do it??

Also - just one other thought I had while reading these comments - a lot of people are writing about how we never ask the men.  I hate to say this - it sounds kind of weird - but don't you think that one reason we don't ask is because they would most often say, my wife stays home with the kids?  I'm not sure how it's helpful to suggest that if women are asked, men should be asked - for the most part the answers are going to be quite different and signal different things.

Anyway - that's just thinking on my feet so to speak. Not sure - other thoughts?

Jill
Writes Like She Talks ( http://www.writeslikeshetalks.com )

Katherine - More power to those accomplished mothers you list, but they are not dominating my news cycle, blaring at me from my television about the best way to live and govern. They're living their lives, and it's impossible to tell how well they're doing it.I will also submit that even though I agree with your "time and quality" argument, we have no real idea of knowing what that means to Sarah Palin. It's as equally dangerous to assume she's got that going on as it is to assume she doesn't.

I think it's irresponsible of the Palins as a COUPLE to make the political choices they're making at a time when I think (as a totally biased observer with no clout in this whatsoever) their kids could use the time and space to develop. This is a far cry from suggesting that I don't think a working mother could be powerful. I'm actually a lot more turned off by it in the context of her teenager than the little ones, because the little kids generally adapt much better. By the time the daughter's boyfriend was paraded out at the RNC, it was so awkward that I had to turn it off although I was trying to watch it all the way through to have a fair perception.

Call the baby a beautiful blessing all they want (and I'm sure he or she will be), these are minor teenagers in a difficult situation and they're used as players in a political event? A political event that, if the race and station of these teenagers were changed, would not be lauding them but instead holding them up as an example of failed parenting and education. THIS is the problem I have with the Palins as parents. And I'm really
tired of it being broad-brushed as a double standard (often supposedly held by women who stand up for the rights of women every day) when it really is
just an opinion.

I don't expect anyone to agree with me. The prism through which we see the world is obviously very different, but I'm nervous about the victim characterization of a woman who not only holds herself up as a paragon of successful mothering in her own rhetoric but who also freely compares herself to a stereotype of a vicious dog. 

Laurie

LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )

 Katherine,

Thank you for a fair minded post.

It's refreshing to see!

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly http://www.petsgardenblog.com http://www.thebengalbrats.com

I think about the Dad thing here a lot - my husband is a much much better "mother" than I am.   So I do feel it is disrespectful to the "first dude" (love that title).

I also think a lot about the fact that I might not have the energy to have 5 kids and do what Sarah is doing, BUT I'm so glad someone does -- because someone who knows juggling can be up there in politics and perhaps address some of the issues that busy families (not just kids, but caring for elder parents, family members, etc) deal with.

Thanks for the post Katherine!

Dr. Laura said that she doesn't believe that Sara Palin is a good role model ( http://hollytriedit.blogspot.com/2008/09/dr-laura-... ). I disagree. She's showing her daughters how to be strong in the face of opposition, how to pursue their talents and dreams, and how to make a difference in the world, even if others don't support you. Her oldest daughter is pregnant, aren't those the messages she needs to hear and see lived out before her?

Andhonestly, my husband does just as much parenting as I do. His accepting the role of Vice President would impact my daughter just as much as if I did.

Go for it, Sara! 

If there wasn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation.  I'm an unreconstructed pro-choice feminist and I felt that I had to stand up for Ms. Palin despite the fact that I find her politics repugnant.

http://sandradginzburg.typepad.com/inner_city_mama...

Sandy

I like your thinking Lara.  I now work full-time as an advocate without pay.  I'm not interested in going back to work full time, because I have made the personal choice that I really like picking my kids up from school each day.  I've tried to find a job share or part-time job that is worthy of my skills and abilities and they just aren't available.  I look forward to the day when more companies realize that it doesn't matter where you do the work as long as it is done well, on time and with integrity.  This will benefit all families.

Katherine Stone

So maybe this discussion among us will make all of us a little bit more aware of the conundrum a working mother contends with. And after we are more aware, perhaps then we will be motivated to implement policies or act in ways that support structures that allow all  parents (moms,dads,guardians) to raise their families the way they choose. I know my life would be easier - and healthier - if I could work from home part of the week and if I knew my husband wouldn't get a reprimand if he had to take a sick day to take our little one to the doctor. 

I'm looking forward to seeing our discussion work as a catalyst for change. How do you think we can do it together?  

Notions of Identity ( http://www.notionsofidentity.com )

Diane MacEachern www.biggreenpurse.com ( http://www.biggreenpurse.com ) Diane@biggreenpurse.com

I'm offended by the Sarah Palin nomination for several reasons:

* Not because she's a mom and a politician, but because she seems to be exploiting her children to advance her political career. She seems to be saying, "I can run the country BECAUSE I have a special needs child; BECAUSE my daughter is pregnant." In the end, I believe the opposite will turn out to be true. (And honestly, I still can't condone the behavior of a woman who exposes her unwed, unemployed high school-age child to the brutal media coverage that's going to attend her every day until she gives birth to that baby).

 * She has resurrected the notion of "supermom" after it seemed like it was finally being laid to rest. Anyone who has kids and juggles a career knows how horrible it is to try to have it all. And in fact, it's been a godsend that over the last few years, the media have finally let up on pushing the whole supermom complex. Now Palin is back, and "supermoms" are going to be in again -- and with a more unrealistic role model than ever before.

*  I'm offended by how Palin contorts her political positions and falsely links them to values Americans truly care about. She claims to love the outdoors, but wants to drill for oil in the most pristine wilderness. She is under a cloud of investigations for unethical conduct in office, yet she's been elevated as an ideal politician. She thinks living in a state close to Russia is adequate when it comes to understanding the implications of American foreign policy, effectively "dumbing down" U.S. expectations for global leadership.

Palin never would have been chosen were she not a woman. In the end, her selection was a clever political ploy masterminded by a cynical politician to shift the debate away from his own political weaknesses.

So many times society is concerned about a woman choosing to have a career as well as a family, but rarely do we say something about men and their careers and families.  I choose to work and have a family.  It means being very clear about my schedule and boundaries.  With politicians please show me one who has a totally clean history and I will likely have a heart attack.  Everyone has skeletons in their closets.  The choice Sara has made is not one I would have made.  It is the choice she felt was best for her.  I can not fathom she made this decision lightly.  Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, CPC

I just don't think this is area is black and white.  Some women simply have the energy level and resources to balance more than others.  I made a set of choices for my own family, because I knew what I could (and could not) handle.  I think Gov. Palin did the same.  It's simply not for any of the rest of us to say. 

Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer
www.rocksinmydryer.net ( http://www.rocksinmydryer.net/ )
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy and Family

There is a double standard here, and it's coming from Sarah Palin and the Republican party.

Let's admit what we already know. It is absolutely impossible to be a VP and simultaneously an attentive parent to 5 kids, one of whom is pregnant and another who is 5 months old and has special needs. Clearly she has decided that her focus will be on her career, which will be all-consuming. 

Fine, I am pro-choice and this is her choice.

However, don't get up in front of a national audience and laud yourself as a "hockey mom". Sarah, I would love to know the last time you drove a kid to a hockey game or watched one. And if I have to hear how brave and wonderful she is for having all these kids and choosing not to abort a Down's baby one more time, I will puke. She is not parenting that baby, she merely bore it. Again, her choice but , please, don't insult my intelligence by acting like she is actually holding this kid or feeding this kid or anything. Last night on the RNC platform she held the baby for like 5 seconds before passing him off to some one else.

To act like she is a great parent AND great governor is to defy reality. I would feel better for her kids if her husband was a stay-at-home dad, but alas, he is not. So hired people are raising their kids. Their choice entirely, but spare me "close family' act. 

BTW, I felt the same about Edwards, a dem and a male, after learning that his wife had terminal cancer. I thought that his deciscion to continue his candidacy was wrong and knew that I wouldn't ever vote for him because he should be putting his family and wife first. Of course now I have even less respect for him than before.

We can't "Have it all" much as we would like to. Nearly every mom feels guilty about the choices she has to make in regards to balancing work and career because kid's needs are truly limitless, while our abilities limited. It's a sad reality. I have friends on both sides of the career/baby spectrum and I love and respect them all, but they all admit (on both sides mind you) that in either career or time with family, they were forced to compromise and that the choice is difficult. If I could only hear Sarah admit this I could begin to regain respect for her. 

I'm not saying at all she can't be a mother because she's working. I think people have different priorities in life and it's no one's place to judge them. As you rightly said, we wouldn't have the rights we have if not for the women who worked very hard to get to the top. I'm also not saying women should really JUST be with their children.

What i'm saying is, we are not the same as men and that is not a bad thing at all. The presence of a woman in the life if a child is irreplaceable; not by money/nanny's or play school. My mum worked in a bank when I was younger, she wasn't a stay home mum. She didn't work long hours and turned down promotions so she wouldn't have to spend more time away from us. She was very accessible and an integral part of my growing up and molding to the woman I am today and I am very grateful. My dad a great influence as well. As you rightly said, men and women have different ways of communicating with their children. My dad's major contribution to my moulding was when I was grown a little, not a baby/toddler.

When we got to a decent grown age, my mum really went into her career and has infact started her own company. We're not overly dependent on her anymore. I'm not saying this should be the norm with everybody as everyone is different with different priorities,  but this is my background so this is where i'm coming from with this issue.

My point is, we have different roles in the life of a child and in the family. I think for a woman, depending on her priorities (which should not be subject to judgement), there is almost usually a trade-off, and you can't eat your cake and have it. You cannot pay equal attention to both and there is a time for everything. I would be a mother soon and would not be seeking an overly demanding job (stick with Project Management) because I can't imagin missing their growing up years to any degree. I would be going back to work but have no intention of going full on up the career ladder till i'm done with this importantphase of motherhood - the early years. There's a time for everything. Regarding Palin, she has made her choice, and that should be respected. She may have had reasons for going back to work 2 days after Trig.

I agree with you miteegirl. Let's not question any of their parenting skills. More power to Michelle Obama for making whatever decision she felt was best for her family. More power to Joe Biden for choosing to commute home to his kids in Delaware. Let's leave them all alone when it comes to their kids.
Katherine Stone

Cool to you, but a few of your Republican colleagues on this site have sneered at Michelle Obama's decision to leave her job for her daughters while Barack is on the campaign trail.  Then he heads back home for 3 day weekends to make sure he is there for his daughters.

This is what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around. The hypocrisy is mind-boggling. 

Sorry, thlsralv, I don't mean to be heaping this upon you personally.  It's just that your comment reminded me of those comments and my "WTF?" alarm has been going off non-stop since last Friday.

Thank you for offering your opinion.  Everyone's opinion is important, and I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing it.  I agree that men and women are different, and that they often have different ways of communicating with their children.  But I still don't believe that being VP means she can't also be a mother.

In terms of what Sarah did after her child Trig was born, I have no information on the specifics.  Just because she went back to work in a couple of days does not mean she didn't bond with her child.  She's had 5 kids, so she may not have needed the rest.  And she may have her baby with her quite a bit, for all we know.  I just wouldn't want to judge her when I haven't been there and don't know what she has or hasn't done.

I don't think any of us would have the rights we have today if it weren't for women who made the choice to work their asses off to get to the top.  I don't think any woman can say in one breath that they want women to have all the same opportunities and choices as men, and then say in the next breath that once they have the choices they shouldn't take them because they should really just be with their children. 

Katherine Stone

Amen, Suzanne.  As I've said, people on the other side of the aisle may question her politics, where she lands on the issues, her experience, and more, and they should.  We should all ask lots of questions of our candidates.  But the mother question should be "out of the question" as far as I'm concerned. 

Katherine Stone

Thanks for your comment Patricia.  I understand exactly what you are saying.  What is the line, for BOTH fathers and mothers?  I'm not sure people have ever asked or expected fathers to answer that question until this day and time, which I think it a good thing.  Women have always struggled with it.  How does one balance motherhood with their own sense of self and other achievements? 

When I had my son, I was in marketing at The Coca-Cola Company.  I loved my job and my work and planned on going back to work after maternity leave.  My mother was NOT pleased.  She couldn't imagine me choosing to work rather than stay home (note: I was fortunate enough to have the choice.  Many women don't.)  It was very difficult to feel as though I wasn't living up to her expectations and beliefs.  But I felt then, and still feel now, very comfortable about the decision I made.  And now, when she tells me how impressed she is at my mothering skills, and how happy and healthy my son is, it means A LOT.

As I said in the original post, I think every woman is different in terms of what she can handle, and what support she has around her to help in the raising of her children can make a big difference.  Didn't Hilary Clinton write a book called "It Takes A Village"?  If her husband is fully involved, if other loving family members are fully involved, and if she makes sure to have quality time with her kids, then I think she has just as much opportunity as anyone else to make a great impact on her children.

Katherine Stone

We don't ask the same family questions about men. 

I think it's important to understand that this is NOT about responsible parenting. If it was, there would have been a similar public discussion about men in powerful positions.

This is about forcing women to choose and telling them that if they have a successful career, they can't possibly be considered good mothers.

---

I blog at MomGrind ( http://momgrind.com/ )

I manage my kids' activities at UpToUs ( http://www.uptous.com/ )

I don't know that anyone is disputing the fact that Sarah Palin has the right to accept this position.  We are in a post-women's rights movement era and I think it is generally understood that women have the right to pursue the same professional goals as men.  Thank God that's true, or quite a few women that I know personally would have some serious problems supporting their families. 

Tress

http://tress-aficionada.blogspot.com ( http://tress-aficionada.blogspot.com/ )

Excellent post, thanks for blogging on this subject. As a stay at home mom, I have wrestled with many of these thoughts.

I strongly support Sarah Palin and her run for VP, I think she will be awesome for our country!

Sue

www.praiseandcoffee.com ( http://www.praiseandcoffee.com )

I am all for womens rights but I do agree with the first two comments on "At what point to we step back and say, too much!"

My opinion is yes, there should most definitely be equal rights for men and women, however we should never forget that men and women are built differently. Studies have shown that in male dominated industries, women report more stress and to succeed, they have to alter their natural way and take on a more masculine approach. e.g. In Sarah Palin's speech last night, she referred to herself as a pitbull with lipstick. Studies also show that when a woman is under extreme pressure constantly, it reduces her ability to make babies. Not so for men. They are physically stronger but we are stronger in other ways. We're different and it is that way so we complement each other.

I believe children are impressionable. There is a way women nuture children with tenderness and extreme attention to detail that men are incapable of.When a baby is born, it needs to bond with its mum by holding close and so on. Not the dad. This area comes naturally to women. Although both parents are important in the life of a child, I think in the earlier stages, the mum is most important and the father importance increases as the child gets older. There is a reason there is a longer maternity leave than paternity leave.

 If we want to be treated the same as men, perhaps have equal maternity and paternity leave? If I had five kinds, 4 under 18 and one special needs, with one grand child on the way, I wouldn't take up a job that would require the best part of me. I think the presence of a mother during the impressionable years of a child is irreplaceable. Also, if I just had a special needs baby, I wouldn't return to work within 2days, I would love to bond with my child and have him get used to me. Now, this is all just my opinion.

How do you all respond then, to the events surrounding the birth of her last child?  I respect the woman as a family member and a politician, even if I don't always agree with her or feel comfortable with her policies.  But she went into labor during a speech, got on a plane, and drove around for a few hours to get to a hospital that isn't equipped to handle a high-risk or extremely premature birth.  As a woman and as a premi myself, I was shocked and really uncomfortable that she would risk the life of her own (unborn) child, especially as a prolife candidate.  If she's willing to treat her body and that of her child that way, how is she going to treat other people's children?

It's worth noting, too, that Todd Palin is (I believe) planning on being an at-home dad.  That's pretty cool, in my book. 

I think that it honestly shows that most people in this country do not truly embrace equal rights for women. We really don't ask the same family questions about men. It is totally insulting to both men and women, implying that men are useless parents other than as breadwinners and women are bad parents if they work.

Suzanne Reisman ( http://www.blogher.com/member/suzanne-reisman ), Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender ( http://blogher.org/topic/feminism-gender )
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants ( http://cussandotherrants.com/ )

Thank you for leading the way in writing about this topic - I choose not to write about politics, either, but this is a difficult subject. 

I have to agree with Patricia's opening question, "At what point do we step back and say 'too much?'"  This is exactly what I was struggling with.  Bringing five children into the world is a decision.  A big one.  Those children have rights to be responsibly parented and I believe fulfilling those rights comes before any individual pursuit of success, power, etc. 

This is where it gets murky for me, because I am a single mother with a professional career and full charge of my two daughters.  I did not choose my particular profession, which is male-dominated, for personal fulfillment but because it paid well and i needed to provide for my children's present and future.  Truthfully, I would have preferred to leave the breadwinning up to my ex-husband, but he did not seem to have it in him to provide for his family, so i did what needed to be done.  I am fortunate that the women who went before me fought the fight to make it possible for me to do this, but it certainly does not always feel like a privilege. My ex-husband did not handle this arrangement well.  He insinuated, successfully for a while, to MY circle of friends that I had chosen career over family.  Our marriage did not survive.

I was very moved by Sarah Palin's speech last night - I don't have any qualms about her experience anymore.  I do now believe she is qualified for the job.  I believe she is interested in making a difference and not in pursuing power.  But I still am struggling with the "should" part of the equation.