A candid letter to my 27 year old self.

A lot of the blogs I follow and LOVE have been on a kick with writing letters to their younger selves, and I’ve been wanting to do it but couldn’t decide which “me” I should write to.  A lot of people write to their young teenage self telling them to “hang in there” and “shit gets awesome” but shit WAS awesome for me.  I had a great boyfriend.  Pretty much that’s what made it so great…we had a lot of fun together.  We got married, had more fun, had kids and then shit got shitty.  I figured that “me” needed this letter most, so I’m writing to her…my 27 year old self.


 

Hey girl,

            I know things seem pretty shitty right now.  You’ve got a baby and another one on the way and your husband just got laid off.  It sucks.  And it’s gonna suck for a while.  He’s not going back to work anytime soon, so start couponing.  And look into getting some food stamps or anything-any assistance is going to go a long way because in a few months it’s going to be hard for you to pay the bills.  You’re an emotional roller coaster with that baby in you, so try to take it easy and be positive for your big girl.  Spending money is not going to make you feel better, it’s going to make things worse, so put those credit cards away because you’re going to need them to keep the heat and lights on. 

            Remember when you two love birds vowed to stay together no matter what?  Well, this will be the test to your marriage.  You’ll make it through, so unpack your bags and wait.  It will not be easy but he needs your support now more than ever and he just doesn’t know how to tell you.  Just hug him.  Nothing you say will make him feel better.  He’s angry and scared and feeling like a failure because he can’t provide for his family.  He still misses his mom too.  Everyday he wishes he could call her, but he can’t.  He’s stressed.  You’re stressed.  But just wait.  I know it seems like the easiest thing would be to go, but don’t.  You love him.  He loves you.  Things are just really fucked up right now.  But you will make it.  If you leave, you will miss out on some pretty amazing things and a wonderful life, so just wait.  Things will get better.

            You need to reach out and connect with some friends.  Make time for friends, make new friends, call Laura.  And remember Kendra from highschool?  She lives about two miles from you and you don’t even know it.  You won’t find out until you’re almost packed up and moved so don’t miss out on reconnecting with her immediately.  Because you really need to have someone to vent to. 

             That baby you’re having is another girl.  She is the spitting image of Dennis-in looks and personality.  She is awesome.  Make someone take some pictures of you pregnant.  I know you hate your fatness, and duck out of every photo op, but someday you’re going to wish you had some pictures of you pregnant and you won’t have any.  And he gets back to work and things between you two get back to greatness.  You’ll spend the next 9 years paying off the debt you acquire during this year and a half, but you do pay it off.  And that house you’re in?  Well, you won’t be moving out as soon as you thought you would, and the neighborhood will go completely ghetto before you escape-but you eventually do and you move back to your small town that you guys miss so much.  You buy a great house.

            Dennis will be laid off again here and there, it’s just the nature of his job now.  But nothing as bad as what you are going through right now.  Everytime after this time he is much more relaxed about it and you both know you can make it through. You’ll actually look forward to the lay-offs because you two will have time to spend with each other while the kids are in school.

            So hang in there.  And look forward to the future.  Nobody that has been married forever will tell you it’s easy-because it’s not easy at all.  Staying through the hard times is hard, but totally worth it.  Life will have its ups and downs and you’ll be so glad to have each other.  So go hug your family, and enjoy the happy moments because even shitty days have some.

 

                                                        XOXO, You in ten years

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