Cat's Resume

A friend of mine sent me a link to a blog post with cats' resumes recently. I couldn't help but make one myself. Instead of writing one for each of our cats, I have decided to do one that would fit the stereotypical idea of a feline. Hopefully our cats won't read it. The last thing you ever want to do is to offend a cat's ego.

Here it is:

An accomplished individual with superior purring, attention demanding, fur shedding and hairball releasing skills. A detail oriented multi-tasker with the confidence to use claws and teeth. Seeking to be a part of an attentive environment that enforces excessive petting and demands exceptional focus to achieve complete feline satisfaction.

  • Successful in destroying valuable objects by proven method of urinating on them
  • Reliable in covering work clothes in fur shortly before departure, even when no notice given
  •  Expert in feline posterior licking, not limited to one's own
  • Adept in scratching furniture, without discriminating
  • Proficient in chasing invisible objects
  • Accomplished in aimless jumping into the wall
  • Unprecedented hunter killer reflexes that allow to selectively ignore masters' requests for spider elimination
  • Ability to hide and effectively ignore calling of masters
  • Excellent hissing skills
  • The Best Nap Award recipient (years 2002 - 2012)
  • The Most Self Groomed Animal Award recipient (years 2002 - 2012)

If you feel worthy of my services, please send me a catnip plant and I will send you a request for an interview in return.

 

 

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