Celebrate World Breastfeeding Week: Mother Support

Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your experiences, TW. The double standards suck and that you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. You've made many excellent points and offered a lot of food for thought.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

I think TW put, much better perhaps than I did, what I was really trying to get across: we shouldn't make ANY Moms feel like second-class citizens or failures, whether they breast or bottle-feed, or have natural childbirth or go for the epidural or have a Cesarean, home-school or public school, etc.

I would, very happily, celebrate a Happy Healthy Thriving Baby Week, where "going for the gold" meant offering struggling Moms all the options and support for each and every one!

And as far as my not getting the support I need, and that leading to my giving up on breast-feeding (I even hate the phrase'giving up' in that context, I would prefer, "chose what my baby needed to thrive"), I think that what made it toughest was not the lack of support for breastfeeding--My husband and my Mother, who came to help with my children were very supportive--but rather the PRESSURE to feel that anything less than breastfeeding my baby round the clock was somehow less than giving my all to my child.

I do want to say, though, because I neglected to say it before, that I wholeheartedly support a woman's right to breastfeed her child in public, and that I think we should be more accepting of that as a society than we are. Women shouldn't be relegated to bathroom stalls when they want to feed their babies!

www.coolmomsrule.blogspot.com ( http://www.coolmomsrule.blogspot.com )

I am going to wade in here. I had a baby that was failure to thrive while breastfeeding. I was sure that it would be a cinch to breastfeed. I had a ton of experience with other aspects of baby care. I had read the books. I knew people who breastfed their babies.

There were medical problems that complicated his breastfeeding. I did the supplemental nursing system tubes with the thing hung around my neck. I pumped. I nudged but in the end it was undiagnosed at that time medical problems that kept me from producing enough milk. (not that if they had been diagnosed I could have kept nursing...but yeah) He also just didn't like to be held. You have never met a baby who hated being cuddled as much as he did...by anyone. He still prefers hands off. Even without the complicating medical issues, I don't think we would have made a good breastfeeding couple.

Next child was born, she was a heavier child to begin with, and once we had some help getting going, she nursed for about a year. (after a scary weight drop in the beginning where the doc sent us to a mean, frightening lactation consultant who did do wonders and introduced me to the nursing pillow that I loved enough to get new covers for again and again.) There were some rough moments and periodic claims I was going to quit.

Third child: ok, got it? no...not right away...but quickly, except for a horrid case of mastitis. She nursed for two years. She was my attachment parented child, the one attached to me constantly around the clock. Her nature really...even now she is still the cuddly one. Yeah, I loved breastfeeding her. We were the breastfeeding couple. I loved moments and days of it with child two as well.

It comes down to a couple though...and how the two of you work as a couple. For some moms and babies, it isn't a good coupling temperment wise, for health reasons, for distractions, for factors like money, stress, etc.

But...I have to say...I hated getting THE LOOK when I would bottle feed my son. I hated nosey women coming up to me (and in one case a man) telling me it would be better for him to be bottle breast fed. Err no, he would be dead if I insisted on breastfeeding. This was completely horrible. I still get that cringe when developmental forms ask if he was breast or bottle fed. I hated the ranters who told me and tell me even now I didn't try hard enough, I should have done ___________.

The girls, I hated the people who resented me feeding them in public. I hated the Delta stewardess who tossed an airplane blanket over my daughter nursing on takeoff. I hated the double standard of going to the beach or a tourist destination with women in bikini tops (that covered far less than a baby's head, a shirt and a sling did), yet being told where the breastfeeding area or bathroom were located. I loved the Disney breastfeeding areas irrationally (comfortable, cool, rocking chairs, nice changing tables) but not enough to hike over to one every time a wee girl wanted to nurse. The men who hung out in the malls of my children's infancy who wanted to send me to the restroom to nurse, argh. My mother in law who waxed long and poetically about how she only breastfed for 6 weeks because that is enough. Double arg...especially when she wanted to toss a blanket over me in my own home. I also hated the days when I was touched out and wanted nothing more than for children to stop needing me to feed them, stop wanting to pet my breast, stop practicing with their poking, pinching and occasional biting.

By the way: child who was primarily a formula baby-never an ear infection, rarely ever ill until starting school, smart, sweet, loves his mother. Child who breastfed a year-non-stop ear infections for her first two years-smart, sweet and wild, prone to overeat. Child who breastfed two years-bouncy, smart, and sweet, also several ear infections and a sensitive stomach.

I love nursing mothers with a passion. I wish for every mother to experience the perfect nursing moment, because it is incredible. I can drive you crazy with passion for it. I will tell you 5 million ways to make it not painful, increase milk, help with holds and backs and even tell you about my nursing pillow. I am sorry when nursing doesn't work out or when moms don't give it a try...but it is sorrow based on remembering my frustration with not being able to nurse boy child, sorrow that I felt a wee bit defective that nursing never came easy with any of the children, sorrow that I know no mother really decides to bottle feed lightly and these days, there was a lot of pain in her making that decision...mixed with relief that there is another option, an option that for whatever reasons will work better for that specific mother/child pair.

I miss those moments still. But, I know that it isn't for everyone and it isn't in the cards for every mom who wants that moment. I also know...my son and I have done plenty of bonding things...without a breast involved. I wouldn't trade them for a 20 min nursing session that just didn't work for us. I wouldn't even trade them for one that did.

With breastfeeding as with so many other parenting issues, each child is different, each mother is different and THEY need to work out the best thing for them.

~TW ( http://ramblewoman.blogspot.com )

Retro-Food ( http://retro-food.com/ )

( http://ramblewoman.blogspot.com )

Viv,

I'm sorry you had such a rough experience. That's something no woman should have to go through while she's trying to recover from birth and adjust to life with a new baby. I have a couple of friends who also had a very hard time getting started and I know how emotionally draining it was for them. 

I'm also sorry that you've had bad experiences with La Leche League. I don't, however, think it's fair to stereotype a whole organization based on the actions of a few members. I know several LLL leaders and women who are involved in the group and they are wonderful people.

I want to clarify that the Ban the Bags campaign is NOT to remove formula from hospitals. Formula obviously has it's place and there is a need for it. My own daughter received some formula in the hospital when she lost over 10% of her birth weight. The purpose of Ban the Bags is to stop putting formula in the take home "goody" bags of all patients, whether they are formula feeding or not. Formula will still be available in the hospitals for women who request it, but it won't be pushed on all moms. Personally, I think this is a very good thing. 

I do think that despite the fact that women know the benefits of breastfeeding, they still continue to need support. There are still cases all of the time of women being denied the right to breastfeed in public places (there was just a case at a McDonald's). As long as breastfeeding is not seen as normal, support will be needed and that's what this post and this year's World Breastfeeding Week was all about. 

Once again, I am sorry you had a bad experience and I commend you for getting back on that horse and giving breastfeeding another try with your second child.   

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

Viv-

I'm sorry you had such a rough time trying to breastfeed. I think you missed the first paragraph of Amy's post, though.

Sure we can drive home the fact that breast is best ( http://www.fda.gov/Fdac/features/895_brstfeed.html ) and stress the numerous health benefits ( http://www.promom.org/101/ )
for both baby and mom, but if a mom don't have the support she needs,
the pressure from well-intentioned relatives or friends, the pressures
of keeping a job, and the convenience and availability of formula,
coupled with the fatigue of caring for a newborn, can quickly become
overwhelming and make it all too easy to give up.

From your comment it seems you didn't have the support you needed and that you are upset about it. It's ok to feel that way, no one is blaming you or trying to make you feel like a bad mother. What this blog and other's like it aim to do is educate and offer resources so moms like yourself, who may find themselves in just the place you did, can find the help and support they need.

Blessings,

Miranda ( http://attachmentparentingmommy.blogspot.com )

Mommy Blog ( http://attachmentparentingmommy.blogspot.com )
Photography Blog ( http://mirandawphotographs.blogspot.com )

But I'm NOT going to write a post on how great breast-feeding is and how every mother should be doing it, this week or any week.

I really don't think there's any problem with awareness in this country about the benefits of breast-feeding. I think that point has been hammered in often enough.

In fact, I think there's an almost militant stance by some pro-breastfeeding organizations, like La Lache League, that borders on making women feel inadequate and ashamed just for having problems with breast-feeding.  Or, even worse, if they end up using formula instead of breast-feeding.  You know, I think they DO make a lot of new Moms feel ashamed if they don't say how wonderful breastfeeding is.

My oldest son wouldn't nurse, and I thank God for the formula companies out there, because even with the help of the "lactation consultant" in the hospital, he simply wouldn't take my breast milk.  He started losing weight, and we would have to wake him up every two hours just to try to feed him. We went to the doctor EVERY SINGLE DAY for weigh-ins.  He was labelled as "failure to thrive."  I felt like a horrible Mother. Finally, when I was completely falling apart, my husband and Mother, who were supportive of ME AND MY BABY, convinced me it would be okay to go to bottles.

And I am SO glad we did.  Formula-feeding made him into a strong, healthy, happy little boy.

I don't have any problem with breast-feeding.  If you can do it, that's fine.  I know that there are all kinds of benefits to breastfeeding as well.  I breastfed my second son with less problems than my first, though I still had to rent a hospital breast pump at great expense, and weaned him after about six weeks.  And I think you should be able to breastfeed in public and all the rest.  But don't look at Moms who aren't breastfeeding like they are pariahs, either.

Because, the thing is, EVERY SINGLE MOTHER I have ever spoken to personally has found it is far more difficult than she was led to believe to breastfeed.  Some were able to breastfeed successfully after trying and trying and beating themselves up over it and feeling, as I did, that they were somehow not good Moms.  Others, like me, could not.  So they fed their kids formula.  And I think that's okay.

There's a movement to keep formula out of hospitals?! Wow.  That's real nice. Way to support women's choices and let them make decisions about how they raise their own children, people!

Shame on you.

And giving a struggling Mom the number for La Leche League is "Going for the Gold"?! Please.  That's like throwing a lamb to the lions.

I was a bottle baby.  So was my husband.  We're good, honest, conscientious, well-educated people, believe it or not.  Our Mothers weren't fiends, and we're no worse for having been bottle-fed by them.

So I would much rather see some REAL stories about how difficult it can be to breastfeed, and that it is okay to feed your baby with formula if you need to, than more stories pushing breastfeeding onto women.  We have enough of those already.

Viv 

http://coolmomsrule.blogspot.com

I did post about a humorous breastfeeding experience over at my main blog in support of breastfeeding awareness.  Visit here ( http://www.octamom.com/2008/07/manly-baby.html ) to find out about my 'manly' baby! 

Octamom

www.octamom.com ( http://www.octamom.com )

the musings of a mother to a multitude

My God-son was born in the USA and his mother got horrible looks AND comments for feeding him. I was stunned when I found out because in Australia breast feeding is normal and it's the women who are forced to bottle feed that get all the guilty feelings for fear that they're not doing the best for their treasured child.

So it must simply be a cultural difference. Here shopping centres etc have Baby rooms for feeding and changing with toys etc for the older siblings to play with. It's also perfectly normal to see a breast feeding mother at a cafe, in a park, anywhere. Usually there's a simply baby's cloth over the feeding breast so that's all fine.

Breast feeding is one of the most natural and normal things in life - it's healthy, natural, free, no washing up needed and always with you. There's so much more going for it than against it.

It's really easy to understand that women having to return to work while breast feeding need to have support and a more creative approach and work places need to be responsible and supportive.

So I say all power to supporting women in the USA with doing what comes naturally - feeding their babies. Do smile at them when they are feeding - be kind to another woman and be supportive because that's how positive change happens.

Smiles,

Belinda

Join our free email newsletter today and go in the running to WIN a $50 Gift Voucher ( http://www.creativelybelle.com/design ) - great for earring stands, jewelry or whatever takes your fancy. :)

Brianne Barousse Lozier

Hi there,

I just wanted to share another contest that is happening in an effort to promote breastfeeding awareness during World Breastfeeding Week.  

 Breast Pumps Direct, a leading breastpumps and accessories distributor  is holding a story contest for any woman who wants to share a story about breastfeeding.  It can be anything that you want to share about your breastfeeding experience. 

The winner will receive a gift basket loaded with great stuff from Breast Pumps Direct.  Check out the website for more information on the contest and rules if you want to participate at www.breastpumpsdirect.com ( http://www.breastpumpsdirect.com/world_breastfeedi... )

Good luck and have fun writing your story!

I nursed my two boys for over a year each and really loved the experience. I consider nursing to be one of the best parts of early motherhood, if not THE best. I even liked the quiet, sleepy 2:00am feeding. Nothing makes me happier than to see mothers nursing and i get fired up when i hear about "lactivists" having a nurse in at some restaurant or business that shunned a nursing mom. Way to go...

Will mention this on our talk show. Great information.. Lian

SatelliteSisterLian

www.satellitesisters.com ( http://www.satellitesisters.com/ )

I'm so glad I saw this. I breastfeed both my boys until they were 1. I write for features for a small newspaper, so maybe I can talk to a local doctor about raising awareness for this. It would be nice if society at as a whole were warmer to it. For the most part, I only got support, but there were a few times I nursed in public that I got looks. One time I had to pump in an airport restroom and the only plug ins were in by the sinks. Definitely got some looks that day.

Thanks for the info!

Shonda

http://mommalittle.com 

Okay, that really does sound strange when I type it--but it is the truth. I've been nursing off and on since the birth of my first child in 1990 and am rounding out the experience by presently nursing twins (which is just a whole other thang, let me tell ya). All eight of my children have nursed, some exclusively, some supplementing.  When my first child was born, nursing was rising again in vogue. By the birth of my third child six years later, more and more of my fellow moms were back to the bottle. 

I have found it interesting to watch the popularity and then the decline and then the rising popularity again of breastfeeding. It is always fascinating to me in our culture to experience the nonchalance of people at a pool with tiny bikini tops go open-mouth in shock when someone discretely tries to nurse. Our relationship with the mammary is certainly a complex one, full of junior high hypocrisy. Thankfully, we do seem to be making strides.

I'll be happy to post something in support of breastfeeing and will be back to post the link here. What a great way to educate and motivate lactating moms!

Blessings!

Octamom

www.octamom.com ( http://www.octamom.com )

the musings of a mother to a multitude

Tell a breastfeeding story sometime between Aug 1 and Aug 7?  I'm in!

Suburban Correspondent

I'll try that. :)

Vered DeLeeuw

http://momgrind.com/

That's a good question, Vered. I think if you can easily make eye contact, then just offer her a smile. I always appreciate a smile when I'm NIP (nursing in public). I think I'd feel a bit uncomfortable if a total stranger came up to me and started telling me what a great job I was doing. That said, I don't really watch for people's reactions. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm usually preoccupied with my kiddo and not so much looking around to see if I'll get a nod or, unfortunately, a frown. Thankfully though, I've never had a negative NIP experience thus far.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )
BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

Was the hardest. I was lucky to have a very supportive boss and co-workers.

My kids are older now, so I don't live and breathe breastfeeding the way that you do. I do help friends with advice when they ask for it, but that's about it.

I have a question though: when I see women breastfeed in public, they always look very uncomfortable. I want to show support, but I'm never sure what's the best thing to do, so I end up doing nothing. I just worry that if I walk up to them and strike up a conversation, they might feel even more uncomfortable. What do you think is the best way to show support in this situation? Just act like everything's normal (and it IS, of course, there's nothing more normal than breastfeeding your baby), or show active support by talking to them and telling them that what they are doing is wonderful?

Vered DeLeeuw

http://momgrind.com/