A change for the better part 2

It was our last night together and while we had talked about a lot of things there were still many things left unsaid.  We shared ourselves with each other and fell asleep.  He rolled over and turned away from me, which never happened.  After a bit I awoke with my heart begging me to ask him some questions.  So I woke him up and asked if we could talk.  If he was awake enough for me to ask him some questions?  After all it was only 2:49 in the morning.  He turned back and put his arm around me and said yes.  I started with asking if any of his family had wanted him to try and come back and work things out with me.  He explained that yes some of them did but some of them got stuck in the hurt and anger they saw him go through.  We talked more and more and more.  I was able to see things from his side.  I think he saw mine too.  He kept reverting to the idea that I ended our marriage.  I told him or rather I asked him to give me the grace he wanted me to give him about how our marriage ended.  By that I explained that he wanted me to look back and read between the lines and take the addiction into account to understand his point of view and how her percieved everything.  I asked him to do the same for me.  To try and see what it was like to live with someone behaving unacceptably and try to stay.  Then to make the decison based on the best information I had to leave to protect myself and my two children.  I think he was able to start doing that.    

We were seeing a non Christian counselor at the time.  She did not hold marriage in the same sanctity as we did.  She advised me that he showed no indication of changing and that we were really just a square peg and a round hole.   She said he was missing his appointments but because of her ethical stand we did not discuss his separate therapy directly.  Basically she left me with the conclusion there was no hope for us.  I mistakenly listened.  I filed for the divorce and told him the square peg quote.  All the while he was seeing her telling her of his struggles with the gambling compulsion and pornography she would tell him that while that was not her area of expertise if he thought he had a problem she would find him a place to go.  She never helped him work through the steps to discover if it was a problem or addiction.  She hammered him with the idea that I had the "Right" to be upset with him by how he was acting.  Like he was simply choosing it.  While I did have many reasons to be upset with him, had I known there was a true addiction and an illness that causes it with treatments we may have been able to save it without the divorce.  I don't know though.  He was to angry and blaming me at the time and I was to unwilling to listen.  The fact is we listened to the wrong people, were not able to really talk to each other and listen clearly, and we let the devil steal our marriage. 

 

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