The Chaos that is

It's Sunday morning 1/19. We should all be getting ready for church and showing up to that building to give thanks to our Lord for blessing us as he does. Yet, I am making excuses for why we won't go today while my husband, my kids father, the leader of our house still sleeps in a room that is no where near mine. We haven't slept together in 8 years- Yes, we have had sex during those years but not much. He has another love, a mistress if you will - an addiction to pain meds. This addiction has totally ruined our marriage, could potentially ruin our childrens lives and has clearly ruined his need for any kind of intimacy. 


Does not attending church really bother me, yes, but not because I feel I am letting God down, I know who I am in Christ and I am secure in that relationship, but getting to church and the relationships I have there is what I hate about missing a day. Why don't I go without him? I do trust me ALL THE TIME, but today I am running around trying to clean up after a messy 2 year old and dealing with the kids not wanting to get up and go. It is tough for me to say "Now, and you are going" when their father doesn't set the example. Today I am just too tired for the fight. 


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