Child Free - Second Thoughts....

When my husband and I got married 2 years ago, we both decided that children were not for us. My husband and I can both work long hours at times, and we have proven that we can both be rather selfish people. We both enjoy nice things, and want to continue to live the lifestyle we have, and we both know that if we had a child we would not be able to maintain our lifestyle.


I  have also never really have had the desire or urge to have children or be a mother. I am hesitant to even hold a newborn child, as I am afraid that I will drop it or hurt it in some manner. Because of these feelings I had personally decided many years ago (before I meet my husband) that children were not for me.


I will be turning 31 in a few months, and have recently been contemplating this decision to remain child free. As more and more of our friends seem to have children, naturally it seems that they have less time for us. This has left me in a bit of limbo, as I am finding myself to have plenty of free time, but do not seem to have anyone to enjoy the free time with. I find myself thinking that if we were to have a child, that they would occupy the time and I would be able to enjoy more time with those friends that I so dearly miss as we could have play dates etc... I think that if I were to have a child, that in someway it will fulfill this empty void that I have had for the last few months. I think that if we were to have a child, that my husband and I would spend more time together and do more 'family' things. Of course all of these reasons for contemplating having a child are all selfish reasons. The EXACT same reason why we had decided we did not want children to begin with.


I then look at the statistics on having a child, and that the average child cost $200,000 + to raise to the age of 18. $200,000 are you kidding me! Do you know what kind of things I could do with $200,000! But if I do not have anyone to enjoy the things I would like to do with, what is the likely hood I will do them? 


I also look at my friends that have have kids, and the stress and roller coaster rides they go through with their children. I find myself questioning if I really want that in my life, and if I could mentally and emotionally be able to handle  the stress that children bring. I know people say that kids are a blessing, but are they really? What kind of blessing are they when they talk back, don't listen, go against the grain, and could ultimately end up disowning you by the time everything is said and done.


But if I don't have children, what am I suppose to do, what is my purpose, how can I help out for the better good? I am still at a cross roads as to if I want to remain child free, but I also cannot vision myself raising a child and working full time and maintaining the lifestyle that we live. 


For those out there that have decided to remain child free what were your determining factors? Have you found a void in your life by remaining child free? 

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