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In the spirit of Christmas I’ll share my favorite story. This happened several years ago and it was truly my favorite “Christmas Vacation” story. First let me preface this with the names have been changed to protect the innocent and second this took place in Louisiana. People in Louisiana are very festive and love an excuse for a party. So now sit back with your cup of peppermint schnapps laced hot cocoa and your gingerbread cookies and enjoy.
One time a long time ago there was a couple name DeWayne and Peggy Sue. They lived in a nice ranch style house in a nice little neighborhood. They were empty nesters in that all of their children had grown up and moved away. They were a happy out going couple who enjoyed the great out doors. They had a comfortable home with a large hound dog named Boudreaux and a calico Cat named Monet. Their neighbors were the type who went all out on the holiday decorations. You know the kind in fact you may be one of them. The ones who have to call the airport control tower and tell them to reroute the planes that think their front yard is a runway because of all the lights. They are the ones who put up 50 bazillion decorations for each and every holiday from the biggest to the most insignificant. They put the decorations up once and then just change the color of lights to fit the season. They change the Santa Clause alligator sitting in the purple and gold sleigh from Santa to the King of Mardi Gras then to the Easter Bunny to Uncle Sam to the Great Pumpkin and on and on.
Peggy Sue and DeWayne didn’t want to be out done so they spent days stringing lights from tree to tree and lining their drive and walkways with thousands of lights. They put up cut out wooden decorations designed and painted by Peggy Sue and built by DeWayne. Now I need to tell you that Peggy Sue and DeWayne loved the baby Jesus but they drank a bit. Okay they drank a lot in fact if it were an Olympic sport they would have both been gold medalist in the spirit of Michael Phelps. So their decorating job was a more of an alcohol induced hallucination rather than a preplanned well thought out execution. When it came time to plug it all in and light the lights they found that they could not connect the strands of lights to the extension cord to plug into the outlet. They had strung the lights female end to female end therefore making it impossible to connect the strands. They had to start from scratch and re-do all of the 50 bazillion strings all the while cussing and discussing how that had happened in the first place. They finally had the electrical wire river flowing downstream with male to female and went to plug the whole mess into the outlet. The lights lit up and sparkled and shone and then there was the smell of ozone burning and sparks popping and it all went dark. DeWayne went to the breaker box flipped some switches on and off sent sparks flying once again and gave up and had a beer. He picked up the phone and called Bubba, his friend who claimed to know about electricity, and waited for him to arrive.
Bubba rounded the corner in his camouflaged four wheel drive ducks unlimited pick up truck and climbed down the 50 feet from the cab. He spat a big plug of tobacco and sidled up next to DeWayne and said “Whyat seems to be da trouble cher?” DeWayne explained his situation and then demonstrated by flipping breakers and stepped away from the breaker box for the master to work his magic. Bubba pulled out a screwdriver and looked at Dewayne and said “Ifin you want me to fix dis you had best get me a beer.” DeWayne did as he was told as Bubba pulled this and screwed that and eventually an empty spot in the breaker box became dedicated to the 50 bazillion lights. Peggy Sue jumped up and down for joy clapping and giggling careful not to spill her drink while one by one the lights twinkled and the decorations moved up and down.
Peggy Sue walked over to DeWayne and Bubba and said “Now you boys need to go fetch me
