...Coffee and Bunnies...why didn't I think of this?

...the mind wanders to strange places when it's left idling.

Lately I have been having serious issues with myself. Self esteem. Self worth. Wondering what I am good at. What I am bad at. Where I need to improve. Why sometimes I feel like I am screaming from the back of the room to a crowd of people wearing ear plugs. Why I don't feel like I measure up. My work, my home life, my abilities as a mom, my abilities as a friend, a partner, a daughter, a sister. Feeling lonely and contained. I don't really know why.

I don't know where it comes from. Maybe it's recent. Maybe it's always been there. Maybe it is just what my brain chooses to do with stress...turn it in on me. My mind taking the stress and turning it on myself because it doesn't know what else to do with it. How to sort it. How to quiet it down. Things don't seem right? Must be something I am doing wrong. Seems silly to say it. I would scoff at someone else if they told me that is what they felt. But there it is. I can ignore it, tell myself that is a stupid way to feel, because it is...but it doesn't make it go away.

I think sometimes I take too much on. I take too much and I pull it inside me like a sponge. I do it without noticing it. And it drains me. I do it to myself I suppose. No one to blame here but me. But I don't know how to turn it off. And I don't know that I want to. I feel like it would render me cold. I don't want to be cold. I don't want to feel cold. Compassion breeds compassion. Cold breeds cold.

Today in the news, I saw footage today of these cafes in Tokyo where you go to have coffee and snuggle with rabbits. Coffee and bunnies. I can get into that. The theory is that the Japanese culture, being as driven as it is, requires the stress relief that petting a soft, warm bunny can provide. It's actually a proven fact that petting a cat lowers your stress, so I would assume petting a bunny falls into the same category. So does hugging. Maybe I need a bunny cafe. Why don't we have bunny cafes?



They also have cafes with furry cats and a bar that has monkeys. The Japanese also work insane hours and live in tiny homes. Makes sense to have a bunny cafe. There was a man in the footage holding a white furry bunny...looked like an angora (not that it matters...just reminded me of a sweater) and he is talking and smiling about how much it helps him to relax.

I have a dog and a cat at home. They know what people don't. They sense. They don't sense and question what they sense...they sense it, identify it as not normal, and pull closer to you. They don't care why you feel what you do...they just know it's not right and they want to cuddle/protect/secure the feeling away from you. Animals love with everything they have. No ego. No pretension. No agenda. I think a good portion of my crying has been contained to the furry heads of both of these two. They know when I am not feeling right. They follow me around, sit close to me wherever I am. I find a cat at my feet and a dog guarding the door as I stand at the sink in my bathroom. They don't leave my side. They know. Makes me wonder why people are not the same way.

Maybe I am not that way either. Maybe I should be.

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