Coffee Clatch

Anne Kimball

Life on the Funny Farm

I have coffee with friends on Friday mornings. It's the highlight of my week, quite frankly. To talk with adults, as adults, when day in-day out you're surrounded by parasitic humans with a poopload of demands on you is a treat worth savoring.
But we haven't always enjoyed this companionship liberated from our children. In fact, when we first met, it was through our local MOMS Club. We all wore similar shell-shocked expressions as we shuffled through the meeting room of the church, one whining toddler clinging to our legs, one screaming infant slung across a hip, our boobs swollen and sore, bags under our sleepless eyes, but yet with a Barbie smile plastered across our faces that said to the world, "Holy crap, I'm really enjoying this!"

 Truth be told, our conversations today still fall under the same categories they did so many years ago, but the subtext has changed.....

2012  (Sipping coffee) Hey Sarah, how's it goin'? Oh my God, I love your new bag... 2000 (Wiping up juice)....diaper bag. Where'd you get it? 2000 Oh, thanks, you like it? I got it at Babies-R-Us..... 2012  ....TJ Max. It's kinda small but it holds what I need. Look, it's got this cool little compartment that holds my i-pod..... 2000 .....poopy diapers. And I love the size. It was the biggest one there.
2000 Hey Theresa, will you be coming over for Story and Craft on Thurs morning... 2012 and cheese on Fri night? NOOOO, leave the kids at home, have you lost your friggin' mind.... 2000 planner? Don't you remember? Third Thurs of every month is Story and Craft. Second Thurs is Gymboree and fourth Thursday is Toddler Time at the library.

2000 Hey guys, I was just at a Creative Play demonstration and I bought the most fantastic thing for Johnny. It's designed for babies 6 - 9 mths of age and it enhances their depth perception, tracking, and gross motor coordination. I know I spent too much but I'm sure it will be worth every penny.... 2012 .... of his allowance goes to video games. I used to moderate what he played more, but honestly? If he's quiet? I almost don't care if he rots his brain.

2000 Thanks for asking, it was a big hit. She just loved the princess party. I made each of the guests a princess skirt from pink tulle and they made wands and tiaras for the craft and the cake was a huge castle. They loved the pony rides, too. It's not every day a little girl turns three, right? 2012 So he's asking if it can be a boy-girl party and they wanna hang out in the basement so they can "play video games", haha. I swear he thinks I just crawled out from under a rock or something.
2000 Guess what, his tooth finally came in! We were all just so excited when... 2012  I felt around in my mouth and can finally feel all my teeth again. I'm so glad I sprung for that implant. I hated having a hole where my tooth should've been.

2012  Sue, on your shoulder. You've got some omelette... 2000 ....vomit on your shirt.

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