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My friend Carmen was planning her wedding and looking forward to her first family holiday with her fiance when the phone call came. Her father had died of a stroke. It was Christmas Eve.
Irene of Momster has spent he last several holidays with her kids in the ER, and this year her mom just moved to Korea, putting a 12 hour distance between them.
I once spent Christmas sitting next to my husband while a disgruntled doc put a tube into his chest -- his lung had collapsed on the road trip between Washington and California, landing us in a Oregon hospital for the holidays.
Sometimes the holidays are harder than we expect them to be. Difficult anniversaries come up, or people we love are far away, or like Charlie Brown says: "I just don’t understand Christmas. Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down." If you are having a Blue Christmas, a Lonely Hanukah, or a Lackluster Kwanzaa, you are not alone. Feeling blue during the holidays is not abnormal, although it can feel quite isolating. There are others out there dealing with the lows, and they have gathered some tips to help each other through the tough (holiday) times.
Dr. Kirsti A. Dyer gives this easy to remember acrostic in her article Good Grief! I'm Having a Charlie Brown Christmas.
R easonable expectations and goals. Be realistic about can and cannot be done. Get plenty of rest.
E xercise, even walking daily. Eat and drink in moderation. Enjoy free activities.
S implify to relieve stress. Set a budget for time, social obligations and gifts. Simple gifts can bring happiness - give service coupons, spend time together, donate to charity, call or visit a friend.
T ake time for yourself for relaxation and remembrance. Give time to others—volunteer. Spend time with caring, supportive people. Keep in mind that Traditions can be changed.
Larry James at Celebrate Love has over 50 tips and suggestions, including advice for single parents who are nurturing themselves and their children through a blue season. (Number 30)
Emily at Healing Spaces has three simple rituals for grief and loss that work any time of year, but are especially timely during the holiday season.
KOTA Press (Knowing Ourselves Through Art), a support group for grieving parents, offers tips from members around the country, each one simple and meaningful. One that struck a chord with me was the suggestion to punch a small angel into the corner of your family Christmas cards to honor a child that is no longer with you. (I wish I had known that one the year we lost our first born.)
Last, but certainly not least Kristin at Halfway to Normal lets us peek into her bittersweet holiday, in which her girls spend Christmas with Dad this year. In a short and lovely essay she applies a difficult seasonal religious theme to her own life in a beautiful way :
What I’m learning is that being redeemed isn’t about magically “recovering” and walking away from the messes you make, with a clean slate. It isn’t about everything being shiny and perfect. Redemption, from what I can tell, is about gathering the pile of mess to you and offering it up, to see what beautiful new thing can be made from the wreckage.
In this season of celebration, it's okay to feel blue. May these voices from the web remind you that although you may feel lonely in your sadness, you are never alone. There is a chorus of voices sharing your sorrow, offering support, and finding a way through. May your holidays be a time of connecting to that force and finding a little bit of healing in its midst. Shalom.
Where do you find support for the holiday blues? What practices and thoughts help you through the season?
Rachelle Mee-Chapman is an alt-minister, mom, and writer blogging at Magpie Girl, and now at Food Hero and Twitter .
