The Reality of Prison Life

One of my friends' kids is in prison. He regrets the choice that put him there and is anxious for a release date. He is scared spitless every day he is there.

While I agree with several of your points about how safety, etc., should be a bigger concern at prisons, I think an important point has been forgotten. You said:

"Here's the real difference: people in nursing homes generally have a choice, whether it's their own or the choice of a family member."

For the most part, prison is a consequence for breaking the law. Don't want to deal with prison life? Don't break the law. That sounds like a choice to me.

I just have to comment here. I work in a nursing home. NEVER have our residents been served a cold meal unless it is a salad plate. Many go to bed at 7 o'clock....few resist as it is a long day. There are others that fo to bed after 11...(their choice.). They are given two baths or showers a week. The tub bathed residents get cared for in a whirlpool bath. Every room is private. Most bathrooms are private. I have no idea what they pay for round the clock care, but many staff participate to enrich the lives of our residents. We have outings and in Home entertainment. Our residents have pets if they wish. (birds). The Ministry of Heath and compliance officers visit often and without prior knowledge of staff to see that we are doing our job and caring for our residents in a proper and and in a manner that continues to afford them dignity and quality of life. I'd say that our residents are a lot better off than a prison inmate, wouldn't you?

Between my parents and my in-laws, my husband and I have been the primary caregivers for all 4 of them. As we got to the end of their debilitation, (Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, Congestive heart failure & Alzheimer's) each of them lived in a nursing home facility. Seven facilities all together. Over 17 years. While both of working full-time and raising 2 kids. Shame on you for saying that we did not care enough to keep them all at home. There comes a time when skilled nursing care is needed, for the sake of the patient as well as the family. Luckily we had the means to provide this care in excellent facilities. But not one decision was made callously or without love.

I apologize if I made it sound as though nursing homes were always comfortable places where the elderly can live out their lives with dignity. I have horrible memories of visiting my great grandmother when I was pretty young...that smell of stale urine still stings my nose 20+ years later. I agree with so many of you that it is pretty much a role of the dice with elder care/hospice care & it's not always the family's choice as to where their loved one ends up. Kuddos to Della Hill for likening the similarities to comparing water to pancake syrup.

Thanks to everyone who has shared a (sad, horrific, disheartening) story about someone that they know who was in prison, etc. We definitely need reform, and there are families and groups pushing legislators to reform the prison system, but obviously not fast enough. I guess you can't do much without major financial backing (especially in my corrupt state). I think the best that we can do is raise awareness of the situation, both with prisons and nursing home care. If individuals are talking loudly enough and pushing back about the issue, something will have to give. I'm also going to put the book "Orange is the New Black" on my reading list (yay for sticking to NY resolutions) because, as horrible as I know prison to be, it's always good to hear more perspectives.

Thanks again. It's oddly comforting to know that I'm not the only one who was upset with this insensitive post.

A relative of mine was in jail for six months this year. Two guards looked the other way while a gaggle of gang members pulled him off his bed in the dead of the night and cracked his skull by slamming it in a drawer. Nobody took him to the hospital for six weeks. Nobody even told him what happened until he figured it out. And he is having a hell of a time even getting his own records from the jail to his neurologist, just to get effective treatment. His doctor told him that he should have had facial surgery within hours, and is now too healed to be treated.

He deserved his punishment. But he didn't deserve this. Go ahead and sign up for that, stupid poster!

I have not yet been to prison (thank goodness), but I spent 6 weeks of my life in the hospital (due to a massive infection). The simple loss of freedom was horrible enough to convince me of how serious a punishment prison is. I remember looking out the window, craving the feel of wind on my face or grass under my feet.

A good solution might be to improve conditions in nursing homes, not to try and make nursing homes more like prisons. Another option is to allow people to die with dignity when they choose.

There are a lot of good ways to bring awareness to problems with elderly (and disabled) care but this isn't a good way. Good for you for speaking out!

I agree with you about prisons. I have a good friend who spent a year in one and, among other things, he'll never voluntarily eat a ham salad sandwich on wonder bread again.

Your information about nursing homes, though, seems largely incomplete. The views you lay out sound a lot like what we see on TV and not the reality. For some people there's choice, sure. There's choice about if you go and when you go and where you go. In this economy, though, those are choices often in name only and to condemn people trying to hold body and soul for trying to get their elders safe, reliable, qualified care is both insensitive and naive. There are great nursing homes at a variety of prices but they aren't always accessible to every family and they are closing or being reorganized and their services whittled down every single day.

Keep advocating for a reform-focused prison system. I think you're on the right track and I hope we can all make strides in that direction because our prison system isn't improving our society in any way.

Keep learning about the health care and elder care system. It won't be uplifting but you seem like the kind of person who would be valuable to that cause as well.