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My name is Renée and after working over a decade of working in public health I decided to work from home after the birth of my son. After taking the...
 
 
 
 

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Weighty Confessions of a Depressed Black Woman

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Did you know that 4 out of 5 African-American women are overweight? A little over 7 months ago, I was one of those women. But after two years of trying and failing to lose weight, I became serious about wanting to live a healthy lifestyle. Since last Thanksgiving, I have lost 48 pounds and recently ran two 5ks. Currently, I am training for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in October.

I’ve been very open about my weight loss journey. In November, I wrote an article vowing to become a “fit mom” and I’ve been successful. I’ve written extensively about my journey on my blog, I tweet and Facebook my workouts and ask readers, “have you exercised today?” I took photos of my progress that are available for the world to see on Flickr and I have numerous YouTube videos about my journey too.

 

 

Many people have asked how I’ve done it; how I stay motivated and remain consistent with my healthy diet and exercise and this is where the grey area begins. You see, before I wrote about being a fit mom, I wrote an article about being a “depressed mom.” And although writing for BlogHer is very public, it was easier to reveal my “secret” depression here because few of my friends and family read my posts. As I explained in my article, there is a stigma in the African-American community associated with depression (or any other mental illness, for that matter). And although the precise number of African-American women suffering from depression is difficult to determine, it is believed that we suffer more than any other group as noted by Barbara Warren, R.N., M.S., PHD:

I also have found that African-American women may be reticent to participate in research studies because they are uncertain as to how research data will be disseminated or are afraid that data will be misinterpreted. In addition, there are few available culturally competent researchers who are knowledgeable regarding the phenomenon of depression in African-American women. Subsequently, African-American women may not be available to participate in depression research studies. Available published statistics concur with what I have seen in my practice: that African-American women report more depressive symptoms than African-American men or European-American women or men, and that these women have a depression rate twice that of European-American women (Brown, 1990; Kessler et al., 1994).

Personally, I've made the connection between my weight gain and my mental state. This has been a life-long challenge for me, and if you watch closely, you can tell my mental state by the movement of the scale. Leslie J. Ansley, writer for The Root who has shed 100 of her own pounds, also made the connection and inspired this post. She writes,

As someone always known for her strength, it was excruciatingly difficult for me to subjugate my ego and admit (to an older, white, male doctor) that maybe I needed a little help. Still, I gave him full-frontal attitude: No freakin’ way was I going to try antidepressants. Drugs are for losers. Talk to someone? Not the kid.

What’s funny to me today is how many women I’ve spoken with since starting this blog that have not only lost a great deal of weight, but who are also meeting with therapists, or take antidepressants, or both. Turns out I’m just not as special as I thought I was.

I totally understand Leslie. After writing about my depression and suffering for over 2 years, I finally saw a therapist and was diagnosed with dysthymia - chronic, long-term depression. Although this was the first time I learned the clinical name of my disorder, going in, I knew I was depressed enough to be medicated. I didn’t want be medicated because, like Leslie, I felt it was a sign of weakness.

The reality is that my weight was simply a symptom of the larger mental problems that I, and many overweight African American women, experience. I still struggle with accepting that I may need to be medicated for the rest of my life. With the combination of exercise and my medication I feel great, and lately, I’ve started slipping. With a false sense of being “normal” again, I stopped taking my medication consistently and started slipping into old bad habits -- binge eating, sleepless nights, and general lethargy and

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SunbonnetSmart.com 1210 pts

Actually, I back Regina, way below in comments, in her positive outlook bringing positive things into her life. And, yes, I would say that a cancer patient can move toward healing by changing their mental self image. Self work along these lines is espoused by Louise Hay in her book, "You Can Heal Your Life" which has been made into a movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYCamVx4fSQ

Along with considering medication, depressed people should consider their diets, move toward eating organically with enough organic animal fats and doing emotional self care. I would beg you to research this before you so easily get involved with the expense of medication. Much Love in your journey. Just want everyone to know there are many different approaches, for instance, Barbara Hughes an artist and healer, uses art therapy for victims of childhood sexual abuse:

http://www.blogher.com/bloghers-own-barbara-hughes

http://www.blogher.com/teaching-africa

Fondly, Robin

the.me.i.be 74 pts

After months of brain fog, body aches, low immunity, low energy, zero interest anything, almost daily naps no matter how much sleep i had the night before, nonexistent libido, I'd had enough of barely being able to function. I finally accepted my doctor's Rx of antideps... when the fog lifted, I saw that I probably should have gone on them years ago.... and I know  a lot of other Black women who could use them as well. A LOT!

ajwilson412 9 pts

Ok, now I am really glad that I finally joined Blogher tonight. You're the second story that I've read about a minority overcoming depression.

I'm Black, 25, happy, and passionate about life but for as long as I can remember-I would have these "moments" that lasted for weeks/months/or even years sometimes where I couldn't seem to do anything but cry-get angry on the drop of a hat, think horrible thoughts, and whatever else. I've constantly struggled with this but I was always told that it was just my way of crying for attention or that I was dramatic, etc. And since for the most part, I am really happy...I just figured...maybe I was just being dramatic. But recently, I've kinda realized that maybe this is something that I need to actually face and address rather than pretend like it doesn't exist until it visits me for whatever time span it wants and then I lay debilitated until it goes away.

But seeing again, someone else being brave enough to talk about their own struggles-who is also Black and understands EXACTLY why it's so hard to admit to this...gives me that much more power to want to do everything possible to not longer allow myself to be controlled by it.

Thank you for your honesty, it's really giving me a burst of energy that I need to do the right thing! :)

olivejuice 5 pts

Congratulations! You look great!!!

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

Lisa your comment made me smile and cry. I tryuly appreciate your support and thank you for creating BlogHer so that women can learn that whatever they are dealing with, they are not alone! Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

Kia I have to agree with you, therapy does rock! I just hope that one day everyone will have greater acceptance.
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

kia r 5 pts

Wow Renee, thanks for sharing. I have sought therapy to talk about anger and violent traits I wanted to avoid that I saw other women in my family take on as well as depression. There is no shame in the therapy game but it is sad that there is such a major stigma in particular communities. You and your story are a shining example of health.

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

I couldn't have written this without your support Kristina. Thank you.
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

kristinabrooke 5 pts

Renee, I am so proud of you for realizing that you were causing more harm to yourself by losing sight of the fact that Depression does make you weak. I am proud of you for telling your story and letting other people know that these are very real things that cause very real problems.

Kristina Brooke aka Mom on the Rise
( http://momontherise.com )

Email: kristina {AT} kristinabrooke {DOT} org

Gtalk: momontherise@gmail.com

Twitter: @momontherise

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

It is hard for us to share except with our closest friends. And having conversations about depression with my friends I realized (and they helped me realize) that I needed help and I wasn't alone. I figure if the majority of my friends have had some bouts with depression, it cannot be that uncommon but the stigma keeps more of us from speaking out. The only way to combat stigma is to "come out of the closet" so to speak and I hope I inspire others to get the help that they need instead of suffering alone in silence.

Thank you so much for your support and you know I will continue to keep you on your toes!

Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

Karen, congratulations on your weight loss and identifying when you needed additional help for your depression. I agree, we are in the same boat and the balance that healthy living and my medication bring me are invaluable. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope we meet at BlogHer too!
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

Lovebabz 11 pts

It is this kind of sharing that will save us and heal us. Your story is all our stories. I am so with you and cheering you! I struggle with the same issues. Sisters can gather to talk about hair, make-up, nails, men and children, but we never get together to talk honestly and openly about our mental health issues. So many of us soldier on as if suffering is honorable.

You are indeed inspiring and I am getting my ass in gear. I want to be a fit mom too! I want to give up high blood pressure medication. I want to live long and prosper.

Thank you for your story.

Be loving & Be in LOVE

knichols1109 5 pts

Best wishes for your continued success, Renee. I hope I get to meet you at BlogHer, and I hope you're successful in getting back on track.

Your story really resonated with me because I've gone through something very similar.

I've been depressed all of my adult life (and was diagnosed with dysthymia). Until recently, I'd been fairly successful in self-managing the condition, but at one point last year my world caved in around me and it became clear that I needed help.

Medication has helped enormously, but both my doctor and my husband recommended daily exercise as a supplement to my pharmaceutical regimen.

Part of my depression, I knew, was due to having put on weight to the point where I was obese. It then becomes difficult to exercise because of the extra weight. I focused on times in the past when I had been in shape and remembered how good it felt. Those memories helped me lace up the Nikes and take the first steps toward fitness. I've lost 55 lbs, exercise daily, and am able to experience happiness for the first time in eons.

In short, I'm a new woman. I wish I had gotten treatment 30 years ago.

==========

QISoftware: I'm happy for you -- you're lucky not to suffer from depression. But you're way off base with respect to the causes of depression.

Depression is a disease. Taking control of it with anti-depressant drugs saves lives. At some point, when you've been swallowed by that black hole of depression, talk therapy and daily affirmations are simply not enough to bring you out of it. There becomes such a severe chemical imbalance in your brain that medication is the only way to get back on track.

FWIW, I never suffered from self-loathing. Suggesting that it is possible to keep bad things from happening to oneself is naive and unfair to those who suffer from severe depression. Thank you for proving Renee's point about the disease's social stigma.

Karen Nichols

Writer | Catster.com

BLOGS:
The Cat's Meow ( http://CatsMeowBlog.com )

60 Miles for Boobies ( http://www.blogher.com/60MilesForBoobies.com )

Laurie S. 5 pts

I have recently lost weight, without having to deal with depression issues, and that was difficult, so I am very impressed with what you have done. AND, you look AMAZING! For me, keeping up with my children was a great motivator.

I am looking forward to reading your previous posts to gain more insight, as I have a close friend who I am very concerned about, who seems to struggle with the same issues as you have dealt with. Thank you for putting yourself out there! And, keep it up!

mjtam 5 pts

Renee,

You are inspiring and I love how honest and candid you are. I want to give you a really big hug when I see you in NY next month. Your writing makes me want to be a better blogger too.

MJ Tam
twitter: http://www.twitter.com/mjtam
www.SugarMyBowl.com ( http://www.SugarMyBowl.com )
www.Chicagonista.com ( http://www.Chicagonista.com )

Lisa Stone 52 pts

Renee, first things first: YOU GO! I have watching you blog this journey for the past year and I am seriously inspired by you. Thank you for these posts. You are brave and I am giving you a standing O at my kitchen table.

Personally, I learned to respect and fear this disease: One of my bffs has suffered from dysthemia since I met her. Three pregnancies/births exacerbated the condition, which almost took her life when she dropped her meds cold turkey and went into a spiral. I have never seen anyone so sick in my life who didn't have cancer. I thank heaven she pulled through.

Trusting anyone with medication is so frightening -- I particularly connected with your mention of Leslie J. Ansley's quote about working with someone of a different race and gender in her situation. Scary. I believe that posts like yours, by sharing your personal experience Renee, are potential life-savers that can help so many women by validating experiences. This is such lonely, deep water. You are bringing the sunshine. Thanks.

Lisa Stone, BlogHer Co-founder ( http://www.blogher.com/member/lisa-stone )

BlogHer is non-partisan but our bloggers aren't! Follow our coverage of Politics & News ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/politics-news ).

bri 7 pts

It's so wonderful that you are sharing this and I am so glad to read that you are doing so well.

- Briar

www.unwellness.com ( http://www.unwellness.com )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

Thank you Niri! And even if you aren't clinically depressed sometimes it is good to talk to someone. I know you have a lot on your plate.
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

You are very welcome!
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

Thank you Rita for sharing and thank you for giving me the courage to share my story. Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

I'm so glad to hear that you were able to get help for your child and understand that it is not about failure but dealing with an ailment like any other. Thank you for your support!
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

Thank you so much for your support Kimberly! Like you, I have many friends that suffer from depression and I hope telling my story helps people to understand that they are not alone.
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

mommyniri 5 pts

I have to admit I am always suspicious if I have bouts of depression. But only because I lack the get up and go I used to. The fact that I never got rid of my weight does not help.

You are an inspiration.

http://mommyniri.com/

kdc521 6 pts

Kudos to you Renee for getting the help that you need and for sharing your story. I hope that it helps others.

Honestly, I used to think that depression was a cop-out when I was in my early 20s, but time and experience has shown me how wrong I was. Although, I don't personally suffer with depression, several of my friends have - from mild to "needing to be temporarily institutionalized" cases. They are all wonderful people...like you!

kdc521 6 pts

Regina, I'm sorry. I could be reading your comment wrong, but it seems like you're saying that people are depressed because they don't like themselves. While it's great that you are able to deal with the challenges that life has brought your way without falling into depression, that is NOT an option for everyone.

Some people have medical issues/chemical imbalances/etc. that cause their depression. We wouldn't say to a person with cancer, "Oh, you just need to like your self and you'll be cured", so why do we have that attitude towards people with clinical depression? The (obvious) answer is that we shouldn't. Rather, we should support and encourage one another on the journey...in my opinion anyway.

SunbonnetSmart.com 1210 pts

 kdc521 Actually, I back Regina in her positive outlook bringing positive things into her life. And, yes, I would say that a cancer patient can move toward healing by changing their mental self image. Self work along these lines is espoused by Louise Hay in her book, "You Can Heal Your Life" which has been made into a movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYCamVx4fSQ

Along with considering medication, depressed people should consider their diets, move toward eating organically with enough organic animal fats and doing emotional self care. I would beg you to research this before you so easily get involved with the expense of medication. Much Love in your journey. Just want everyone to know there are many different approaches, for instance, Barbara Hughes an artist and healer, uses art therapy for victims of childhood sexual abuse:

http://www.blogher.com/bloghers-own-barbara-hughes

http://www.blogher.com/teaching-africa

Fondly, Robin

Melissa Ford 53 pts

Thank you for writing so honestly and openly about your weight loss (and depression).

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/ ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

I don't think I've ever not liked myself. I think the point I am trying to make is that for years I tried to go it on my own but there were still things that were just not right. I think that if it was just " self healing" that was need things would not have quickly gone downhill once I stopped taking my medication. I have an illness that needs to be treated like any other, if I had Broken leg I'd put a cast on it. How is this any different?

I don't believe that medication alone is the answer therapy is important too I am at the point where I understand my "issues" and medication assists me in dealing with them.

I am very happy to hear that you aren't depressed, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

Thank you for your support, I too hope my story helps someone look a little deeper and take care of themselves.
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

ReneeJRoss 5 pts

It is so interesting that you mention thyroid issues because a friend of mine had the same experience that you did. I've had blood tests done but not specifically for thyroid issues and given that my mother has thyroid problems I think this is something I need to investigate.
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

YumYucky 5 pts

All I can say is WOW. Thank you for opening up and sharing your struggles. I used to think that resorting to a therapist to help my child with depression meant failure. But not so. There were many many breakthroughs that took place during that time.

midnightbliss 13 pts

this is an inspiration to many women whose not only trying to loose weight but also yry to make changes to their live, thanks.

Rita Arens 132 pts

I've suffered from almost every eating disorder in the book on the binging/purging/starving/restricting/over exercising side of the fence. These are big issues and not ones that are easily imagined away. It's a real accomplishment to overcome any eating-related mental health issue, including depression. Cheers to you, Renee, for shedding light on this side of the story.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

QiSoftware 6 pts

I have a lot of reasons to be depressed-- but I am never depressed. I think self loathing causes a lot of depression. Unhappy marriage, things you should not have done, etc. No matter race.

Women allowing bad things to happen to themselves or their kids-- I believe also causes depression.

As I said-- I have a lot to be unhappy about- however I am rarely depressed-- pissed off, frustrated-- yes. Depressed? no. I do not let bad things happen to me. And I do not do bad things to others nor allow bad things to happen to others-- while I am around.

Self heal-- and understand what's causing the problem. Too many that tell you-- you are depressed. If you are-- figure out why. How do I know? With all my problems I should be depressed. I am not... and I know why. I like me.

Regina-- Q's Wire ( http://qblog.qisoftware.com/ ) | WiredPages ( http://wiredpages.qisoftware.com/ )

Bridget Magnus 9 pts

It is clear that you have made a lot of progress both on physical side and the mental side! Sometimes the biggest step of all is realizing that something has got to change. Hopefully other women will see a little of themselves in your story and realize that with a little help and support, they can succeed too.

I write on health and fitness at http://ageagainst.com/, and my personal blog is http://shortwoman.com/.

notUrtypicalGma 5 pts

i am so glad that you have shared this journey of yours and i cannot wait to look at all of your past blogs and youtube vids. i was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism which has so many symptoms that i attributed to depression,turns out hypothyroidism can cause depression!now that i am on medication i feel so much better! before my thryroid meds i was taking antidepressants.did you or do you have any thryroid issues? i probably have suffered for 10 years or so never being diagnosed until a very astute physicians assistant noticed a tiny fluctuation on my blood test results that most doctors would have overlooked! thanks again for sharing your story you are an inspriation.i too need to loose some weight for myself but also health for health reasons! you look great!