Most Popular

How Do You Handle Etiquette When A Facebook Profile Becomes a Job Requirement?

  • Share This Post
  • Pin It
  • 12
  • Sparkle (
    )
     
Luxury Place Setting

I had no qualms about ditching my Facebook account a few years ago when they started banning breastfeeding photos and verrrrrry reluctantly returned last year for Cool Mom Picks and Mominatrix.

It's still so weird, and often times very hard to explain, that social media platforms are now job requirements.

Indeed, I've had my fair share of issues with Facebook, not just due to my husband's whole friending debacle, but also that it's like a big incestuous pool of your entire life for everyone to swim around in.

Babysitters, mothers-in-law, your ex-boyfriend from college that you gave one too many blow jobs to all in one virtual place, reading about all your business at liberty. I realize that I make my living on the Internet, often times sharing very personal information, but it's actually pretty well edited, especially compared to the often uncomfortable Facebook sharing of every single morsel of every single day including location, save where your took my last shit.

It's a little disturbing.

Besides, isn't that what Twitter is for?

Now when I hopped back on the Facebook bandwagon, I did the whole "search for everyone I ever knew in my life" rite of passage when I rejoined, which is always a fun time-killer, especially when you get to see how all those assholes in high school and college did not age so gracefully.

And it can be pretty cool to connect with people that you would have otherwise never seen or talked to again.

But then you get down to the whole friending thing, which is more like "acquaintancing" or "notBibicallyknowing" or "formerlyBibicallyknowing."

Whatever. It's confusing.

Now I could really care less if someone friends me or not. Maybe it's because Facebook is work for me, or because I don't give it that much weight in the long scheme of my life, but I just don't care.

If someone pings me to friend them and I know who they are or we happen to have some mutual friends, then I'll probably reciprocate.

Sure, it can be a little awkward when a friend's husband or people that I think I know but I'm not sure how I know them requests to friend me, but then I just let them sit in my inbox until I decide what the heck to do.

Are my other friends friends with them? Are these potential friends' mutual friends interacting with them? Can I really waste this much time deciding whether to be friends with someone on the internet?

Can I use the word "friend" any more times in a sentence?

Of course, it always depends on how they use Facebook, which you won't actually know until you friend them.

Do they just update cute little anecdotes about their kids, interesting links, funny photos, that sort of thing? Or are they the type to update every 14 seconds, tag you in GOD AWFUL pictures from 1994, or, worst of all, send you "gifts" or as I call them "gifts that are so not gifts and shall therefore be deleted?"

And then, do I really want them to know any more of my business?

So, friend me or not, I'll live.

Too bad that's not always the case with everyone else.

Facebook blocking is now being used to spite and backstab. "Oh please, please! Don't take away my access to your interesting updates about your garden!"

Whether it's because you refuse to friend them or you did something to piss them off in real life, the way to really get people back apparently is to block them on Facebook.

I much prefer the old awkward avoidance myself.

And apparently if you don't wish to friend them on Facebook (which I have actually done, especially with certain family members), then they take this as an offense of epic proportions.

It's this whole "I know you, or I knew you once, or I know people who know you sort of and so you must give me access to your business, damnit!" that's a little confusing.

Shit people, that's why I write a blog.

What's your Facebook etiquette policy?

Kristen Chase

Blogger, Motherhood Uncensored. Author, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex. Publisher, Cool Mom Picks

  • 12
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

Comments

Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest
MrsButtsie 5 pts

I also do not friend people that I work with. I find it creates issues and allows co-workers into my personal life and I do not want that. My mom is a manager and several of her employees have friended her on Facebook and then wonder how she knows they were out late drinking when they showed up late for work.

For myself, I follow the "Grandmother Rule". My grandmother is on Facebook and I don't post anything or am friends with anyone who would post something on my account that I would not want her to see.

cagey333 5 pts

And love THIS post.

I have had questionable experiences on Facebook that ultimately led to the demise of a "real" friendship a month ago. Although, when I squink my brain around it, the friendship should have died long ago. So, really, I have Facebook to THANK for my escape, messy though it was.

Although, come to think of it, Facebook also allowed the friendship to extend way, WAY past its expiration date. So, perhaps, I have Facebook to BLAME.

I am so confused!

Eh, I think it just another tool that can be used for good AND evil. I have been on Facebook for over 3 years now, with mostly good things to say. But! After two bad experiences this year with EVIL, I began to pare down my friendship list. I turned over a bright, shiny Facebook leaf and it was going to be all good again. Back to the old days that held so much fraternal promise.

Then! Some moms from a playgroup found me. I only hope they can appreciate a mouthy, bitchy Libertarian.

 Kelli Oliver George

Rancid Raves ( http://rancidraves.blogspot.com/ )

Snapgifts.com ( http://www.snapgifts.com/ )

Mom101 5 pts

I'm with Vered - I don't do anything too personal with Facebook. In a way, it's a rolodex for me, and a way to check in on friends who don't use blogs to write about their lives. It's a touchpoint; it's not my second blog.

(Oh wait, I already have a second blog!)

Not sure why I'd want to put all my pictures up on Facebook when I can put them up on my blog, and then link to that on FB and send the traffic to my own space instead. (Sneaky!) I tend to use that just for group photos, so that those friends will have access to them as well.

The real challenge for me is that my Facebook and LinkedIn profiles give friends access to my whole network. So I prefer to keep it limited to people I actually know. I recognize that that can cause hurt feelings when others accept all friend requests. But if I am getting constant updates from someone and realize I don't actually recognize who they are - I unfriend.

Maybe the issue is that "unfriending" sounds so harsh. How about uh..."politely and quietly deleting from contact list."

Making millions at Mom-101 ( http://mom-101.com )
( http://coolmompicks.com )

Cool Mom Picks ( http://coolmompicks.com )

Caissa 5 pts

I had a few issues in the past with it. At first, the only friends I had were online friends who I had been chatting with for years. Then, one day, a friend from high school found me. I remembered the guy fondly, so I friended him. Then we got to talking, and he expressed dismay that I wasn't the same person I was 12 years ago in school. It didn't matter why I was different or whether I was better off, just that I had the nerve to not be the person he remembered.

After that, a friend of a friend recognized my last name, and tried to friend me so that I would give them information about my ex husband. That didn't fly. Ignored the request and informed them that he and I were on good terms, and I wasn't going to jeopardize that by giving his personal info to someone without his express permission. After I passed her info to him, she apparently whined to him that I was a big mean meanie for making her wait for him to contact her.

Since those two instances, I'm pretty selective about who I friend. First, they have to be someone I actually consider to be a friend. Second, I have no qualms about hiding their status updates, or just plain removing them if I feel there's a problem. If someone wants to block me, that's their thing.

midnightbliss 5 pts

i only friend people whom i know personally like classmates from elementary to college. though I am not really so excited to accept the friend request of some past classmates, i still do for netiquettes' purposes only but only grants them limited access to my account.

Catherine Morgan 5 pts

My feelings about facebook seem to change with the seasons...there are things I like about it and things I hate.

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan
Also at Catherine-Morgan.com ( http://catherine-morgan.com/ )

Motherhooduncensored 5 pts

As far as my personal page go, I'm pretty much on lockdown, but you're right - sharing minimal info (and pictures - for me, just 2 pics of my kids for folks who haven't seen me in awhile), and that's about it.

I think it can be a problem when you've got the oversharing AND overaccess combination, at least professionally anyway.

SaucyB 5 pts

Your post hits home for me both professionally and personally. From a professional standpoint, I was crticized in my last performance review because I have a policy of not friending people at work (Including my boss; that's right, I didn't accept a friend request from my boss). Being on Facebook is NOT mission critical to my role, so I held my ground and instead opted to set up a 'work' profile on Twitter. So now I tweet for money.
Personally speaking, my mother-in-law is on persistent campaign to friend me on Facebook that consists of her repeatedly dropping not so subtle hints that she's on it and is an active user. I just keep pretending to go deaf every time she brings up the subject.
Practically speaking, I really recommend taking the time to set up lists so you manager who sees what on your facebook page. For old HS friends and acquaintences, I have restricted access. For my true friends, it's an all access pass.

I actually did a whole post recently on my MIL's quest to friend me:
http://www.lifeofsaucyb.com/2010/04/youre-supposed... ( http://www.lifeofsaucyb.com/2010/04/youre-supposed... )

SaucyB

www.lifeofsaucyb.com ( http://www.lifeofsaucyb.com/ )

( http://www.lifeofsaucyb.com/ )&

Vered 5 pts

I decided a long time ago that nothing truly personal will ever go on my FB account. I've always treated it as something public, even before they started messing up with the security controls. As a result, I tend to be very liberal about accepting "friendship" offers.

I did have to block a few people along the way after they spammed my Wall, but other than that, this strategy seems to work pretty well.

----

Vered DeLeeuw

Professional Blogger ( http://momgrind.com/hire-me/ ) and Social Media Consultant ( http://www.socialmediamarketingexpert.net/ )

sassymonkey 6 pts moderator

I know a lot of people who use Facebook pretty much the same way they use Twitter or blogging but it's different for me. I generally only friend people I've met (or at least know very well online). If you are someone I went to high school with and haven't talked to you since then (assuming we even talked then) I'm probably ignoring you too.

At first I thought it was fun. Then the applications went nuts. Then everyone got on it and I just couldn't keep up. And now it's privacy stuff that largely keeps me from doing much with it.

If someone wants to block me on Facebook all the power to them. However, I highly suspect I'd never notice.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

JennaHatfield 10 pts

For awhile, I was on Facebook lock down. Unsearchable. No friend requests. No available messaging of me. I've lightened up a little. I mean, I suppose if I can share sexy pics on the web at large, I can probably friend my third grade teacher. And make use of Facebook filters. Ahem.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

SCanon 5 pts

I love posts like these. When did people, who like to consider themselves adults, start acting like middle schoolers when it comes to Facebook? I have 31 friends on Facebook. That's me being VERY nice. About once a month I go through my friends list and do some much needed pruning. Do you only post quotes or stupid poems about your kids and nothing else? Buh bye. Do you randomly post updates that are horribly misspelled and all in CAPS? Buh bye. Do you do nothing but send me drinks or flowers or fuzzy puppies through Facebook? Buh bye. If that means someone gets offended over that, I'm ok with that. You know why? I'm not in middle school anymore! Your stupid temper tantrums over your status as my friend on Facebook will not phase me.
Great post and thanks for the giggle.
Somer blogs at Merry Wife of Canon ( http://www.merrywifeofcanon.com ) as well as Smell My Plate ( http://www.smellmyplate.com ).