CPS Showed Up at My Door: An On-Going Lesson in Consequences

How appalling!!! I wonder if Louis C.K. had CPS called after writing new material several years ago calling his 4 year old daughter an a**h*** in front of sold out audiences around the world! Can you believe the amount of money wasted on investigating you?

I once did report my neighbour to CPS (which was an agonizing decision) based on my actual observations and experience of her being drunk, driving drunk with her children and generally being abusive to her two lovely girls. They met with her once when she was sober and that was the end of it because there was food in the fridge. I think about those little girls all the time and hope that was the wake up call for their mom to get her shit together. Completely different scenario to you though!!!!

as a former CPS worker/Social Worker I'm horrified this happened to you. thank you for not bashing the worker or the system for doing their job, however, I'm shocked that in your state there isn't some sort of triage system for reports. in my state, 70% of reports are weeded out at the INTAKE level. more are weeded out once they get to the unit supervisors who assign these reports to be investigated, you know, when the read the report and realize it's totally fucking stupid and a waste of time, money and resources to investigate. also in my state, we were NOT allowed to interview the kids without prior notification of the parents (unless doing so would increase the danger for the kids).

having read these two posts, the only posts of yours I've ever read, I see nothing abusive at ALL in your posts - nothing. what borders on emotional abuse is what your children had to go through. who the hell would do such a thing? it's stories like yours that make me NEED to believe in Karma.

sending lots of love and light to you and your babies :)

Before anyone is tempted to call CPS for anything short of sever physical or sexual abuse they should volunteer at you local children’s home. In Orange County CA the place is called Orangewood, but many of the kids who live there call it "hell on earth". Please note that I said many not all, for some of the kids it is "heaven on earth." Over the last several years I have met kids that absolutely needed to be removed from a very bad situation. I have also met many kids that had parents that really did care and tried to do the best for their children & should have never been in the system. The bottom line is think before you act or you might be responsible for destroying a child life. I will never forget the time one of the kids I mentored (he was 13 at the time) told me "he would rather be beaten with a stick on a daily basis than be stuck in the system". Just something to think about

So sorry that happened to you and to your family. People who use CPS frivolously in the State of FL (where I live) can be subject to criminal and civil penalties, so I suggest you get more details from your state statutes. As a social worker, it's especially heinous to me, what this person did, not just the waste of precious time and resources, but the besmirching of someone's reputation!

Hope that it all works itself out. And that your husband comes home soon and safe!

There are so many things wrong with this I don't even know where to begin, and I'm not talking about the call to CPS. I guess I am going to have to be the lone voice that is not in your corner. It stuns me, not only the stuff I have read in these two posts, but the commentors jumping on your bandwagon.

I don't believe for one second that you have your son approve every post you write about your kids. Even if you do, all you are doing is putting him in an awkward position. So he read and approved a post where you call him names like "stupid", "dumb", and "ass-hat"?

You have a kid who pulls out her hair, one has "ADHD", and another acts like a stupid, dumb ass-hat. Psychological and emotional abuse anyone? If I were to get into everything that is wrong with you and your posts, it would make this comment too long, but I definitely feel bad for your kids.

That's Ridiculous! You are real and CPA is real. Peole who use cps as a weapon are a special kind of bad. (I know some personally, they are "special" people who leave a wake behind them)

What a nightmare! I am so glad that you decided to write this post anyway and let people know more about the consequences of their (ridiculous) behavior. Here's to hoping things calm down a bit. :/

I am appalled by this. And I'm so sorry that you and your family had to go through this. There is absolutely nothing in your post that even comes close to being questionable. In fact, I applaud your willingness to have your children face the consequences of their actions. That is not abuse. That is good parenting.

This reader, who decided to report you, has much to answer for. And I wonder how it is the CPS can question your children without informing you prior to the questioning? Had they read the blog post in question? Surely they would see that this was a waste of their time. I know they have to investigate all complaints but surely they could have spoken to you first?

It brings home how public our blogs are. Most of the time, that is wonderful. But at a time like this one, it is scary, indeed.

As a child coming from a family with much worselevels of "punishment."... WTF. Sincerely. I'm glad things worked out in a positive manner, but I'm curious to see the household of unicorns, glitter, cuppycakes, and rainbows that the reportee manages.

As a college student, I of all people know that you have to deal with the cards you're dealt. Like your son "sold" his calculator for pokemon cards...I know that If I sold back my books to get shopping $, I know that my Engineering grades would furiously plummet. The same rules were in place when I was 12, and it's better to learn that lesson earlier than in the midst of your 20, 30, or even 40 somethings.

Good for you for sticking to your guns.

In fact, I may just go and thank my own mom for letting me learn my lessons on my own.

YAY FOR GOOD PARENTING!!!

*High Five*

I am in shock that anyone would be so heartless and inconsiderate. What were they thinking? Seriously? What a terrible ordeal for you and your children. I read your post and I think you handled it exceptionally well. Hang in there - even though "we" are all just an on-line community, I hope you feel the virtual hugs being sent your way.

Absolutely horrible and inappropriate action by CPS - sickening! What state do you live in, possibly encourage people to share their concern of this investigation with the Governor. I'm so sorry you and your children were abused by the system!

Jeez, so sorry your family had to go thru this, it's ridiculous! I went thru a similar experience 25 years ago, I was reported by a upset soon to be ex mother in law, it's a horrifying experience, to learn as a parent you have so little control or say so over your own children with total strangers. btw totally agree with you on his grade. God Bless You & Your family!

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you and your kids had to go through that. I'm praying God's comfort and encouragement for you, and I agree with you 100% about the 67!

I can't believe that they could take your children out of class and question them without your consent based on one unsubstantiated claim. Do parents have no rights? God bless your family.

I think the one "reporting" this should be outed. If your family had to go through this hell, they at least should have the guts to identify themselves and explain why they did such a thing.

I am sorry your children had to endure this. I read your post. Is that NOT what we have a blog for? I can see if you said right out that you were going to beat the crap out of him. Or you hit him with an extension cord, etc. You were teaching him the fundamentals of what happens in life when you choose to make a poor choice. Hell, he is old enough. This disgust me that they would even come into your home AND the school house and disrupt over something so small and not even a real relevant reasoning behind it. Utter disgust. I don't see how the hell they are even doing their job. Like you said, there are kids out there who get abused, starved, molested on a daily basis, yet their parents get no involvement.

Your self serving "reporter" got their feeling of superiority fix at your expense. I hate that your children had to go thru this, but look at it this way- even CPS knows you are a good parent! Had to really look to find the "good" in this one! ;-) Hang in there, Brandi,, I'd say you are the kind of parent we need more of! But I'm not surprised- most of the active duty spouses I know are very level headed, down to earth people. We need a whole lot more of your kind! And thank you to your whole family for the job your husband is doing. Our only active duty family member is Air Force- at least they only deploy for 6mths, on average. That helps everyone. Wish all the branches did that. I'm rambling.... anyway, you are doing an important, tough and GREAT job! Keep up the good work!

Hmm.

So I've scanned the comments and am relieved to see they all are in your corner.

What I've failed to find is the "mandated reporter" continuing their involvement. I mean, if you're such a threat to your children shouldn't they still be monitoring you?

Geesh {{shaking head in disgust}}

I'm a parent just like you. Luckily, I have teachers who love it when I encourage them to administer consequences.

Hang in there girl, seems we've all got your back!

I work with a wonderful local CPS office but all my reports in AZ must be called into the Phoenix hot line first. These people drive me nuts. A woman's boyfriend shoots her sons with a pellet gun if they are not fast enough or they mouth off. They are 5 and 10 years old. The little guy had a bruise and scab between his eyes because he got in the way of his older brother being shot on the butt (the usual pellet destination). I was called to grandma’s house to investigate. This was not considered a high priority call for the hot line and they didn’t fax over the referral until the next morning. With the low priority designation our local office had 5 days to respond. They went with me the following day and we removed the boys (this is why I love my local gals). I am so incredibly sorry for what you and your children went through! I am angered by the use of resources to investigate a non-case. If I see a teen age driver not wearing a seatbelt, they can take the ticket or give me 100 pushups. This may be why I blog under a pseudonym.

The same thing happened to me with CPS (DFCS) but not due to a blog. I was on partial bedrest with my 4th baby and really sick. We had a lot of traffic of family members and friends dropping off food and caring for my other three children. Not to mention house cleaners, and repairmen, etc. But to make a long story short I awnswered the door a gagillion months pregnant and with my mind racing as you spoke of.. exactly. And it did nothing except scare my poor children. Shame on people like this. CPS has more important things to be doing.. like protecting children who really need it. Huggs. I feel ya sister.

p.s. you sound like a great mom! :)

I don't even know what to say! I have an aunt who works for CPS and all she even CAN say is that there are nights she goes home and cries herself to sleep over things she deals with at work. I suspect if she'd had your case, she'd have gone home irritated at the person who made the complaint herself! Because exactly as you said, she spent a day researching a pointless complaint when there are children out there who legitimately are starving, being abused, etc.

Your original post made me want to applaud. If only more parents showed their children that there are consequences for their actions. I rant more often than I care to admit about people who have absolutely no concept of consequences. And you... you are working hard to make sure your children are not that way. I think that's WONDERFUL. And the person who turned you in? Well. They don't understand consequences. Obviously. And I hope that maybe, just maybe, they'll read this newest post and "get" it. Atleast a little bit.

Hang in there!! From the comments I've read so far, you have a whooooolllle lotta people one your side on this one.

I am utterly horrified by your story, Brandi. The CPS person was doing their job, but I read your original post that prompted this, and I am utterly flummoxed that anyone could read this as a abusive.

I am a former teacher and have worked in DV shelters and a shelter for homeless and displaced teens. I have been a mandated reporter for all of these positions, and have, on many occasion, had to call CPS to document abuse and child endangerment.

There is NOTHING in your post that qualifies as that. You come off as a caring, concerned mother who is trying in inculcate responsibility in your children, which is hugely important.

As a teacher, I have had parents fight me and take things to the school board when I failed a student for a very clearly plagiarized senior project. If a parent had called me to ask that their student take the lower grade as a consequence of their actions that lead to the initial lower grade, I would have sent that parent flowers -- although I'm afraid, as a teacher, I would not have allowed the student to re-take unless there was some real and relevant reason to do so.

For the commenters who are vilifying the CPS employee for stressing the children out by questioning them -- this is their job. Yes, it is emotionally stressful for the child, but most CPS or DFS employees try to alleviate the stress of the necessary questions as much as possible. This is not the CPS employee's fault. It is the fault of the idiot who alerted CPS.

Yes, I said "idiot" and I stand by it. I've made these calls -- for cigarette burns, starving a child for days, for being locked in closets for days as punishments, for parents calling their children useless sacks of shit and little whores, for beating a child to leave bruises and fractures, for sexual molestation and rape.

Calls HAVE TO be followed up on by CPS or DFS -- it's the law. People who call in ridiculous claims like this prevent a CPS or DFS worker (already laboring under massive caseloads) from investigating REAL, pernicious, life-threatening abuse.

So person who called CPS on Brandi? Congratulations. You prevented that CPS worker from investigating the actual, real abuse of a child, a child who may this moment being molested, beaten or burnt. I hope you feel it was worth it.

I am so sorry. I guess it goes to show that as writers you never know how the audience will perceive what we write. I didn't think your post was offensive or abusive.

what a terrible horrible thing to happen to your family. :( *hugs* i couldn't read the original post you linked, the page came up blank. you sound like you are holding yourself and your family together. who could be evil enough to call cps on you :( i'm so sorry your children had to go through this. <insert the f word here>

I am so sorry for your experience. The world would be a better place with more moms like you. Although, I am the kind of person who cheers parents with screaming children in stores.(because they have dared to say no) As apposed to those who quiet their children by giving in. So perhaps I am biased.

I just watched Oprah's show about moms like you who are hero's. Holding everything together while their husbands are at war. How people like me are out of touch with what's going on because moms like you are so strong. I'm sorry this happened to you and your family. If there is anything I can do to help you please click over to my blog and get in touch with me. Krista

I've had CPS called on me once when I refused some strange woman who wanted to drive me to the WIC office. I didn't know her but because I refused she told CPS I was starving my son. When CPS knocked on my door my 9 month old was devouring a sandwich (yes, I know that's not typical of a 9 month old but he was a huge eater and devoured everything in sight, I was a new mom and had no intention of taking food from my precious angel who was far more than spoiled rotten-you know how new moms are lol). Anyway, reading your story I can't help but feel that the CPS personnel did harm your children. They stressed your daughter so much she pulled out her hair and your son had to lay down because he can't handle the stress. The school administration should have notified this woman of their health issues and the questioning should have been tailored to not induce so much stress. The school and CPS should both be faulted and truthfully you should get a lawyer (free at legal - I'm a former military wife as well). They inflicted mental injuries on your children and put your son in danger. This is serious.

This is seriously ridiculous. I'm so sorry for you!

I am so sorry...that must have been terrible!!

WOW. I'm so, so, SO sorry this happened. I don't even know what to say. This is terrible. I'm glad you wrote about it and made others aware of the possibilities.

We had CPS show up at our door as the result of a malicious child-hating downstairs neighbor who thought it would be an easy way to get rid of our kids so she could racket around her own apartment without neighbor noise competing with her.

Every one of the pack of lies she had told CPS was proven to be verifiably false, and we had several other neighbors call CPS on our behalf demanding why we were being harrassed like this (tho the agent was pretty nice about it as she inspected our apartment, closets, etc...) and another neighbor the troll bragged to came forward willing to testify in court that she had admitted she had done it purely out of maliciousness, and had spoken of other plans she had concocted to torment our toddlers, but it was still terrifying for us to have this happen - I still feel somewhat traumatized by it one year later, and it wasn't anywhere near as horrific as what you and your poor children went thru!

My heart and prayers go out to your family to recover from this very unfortunate attack.

If you can block her from being able to read any more of your blog posts in the future.

Some people want to create drama, even if it's at another persons expense.

This person clearly is not bright, because they can't discern from reading the post the love and care that you have for your children from birth to their now educational years

It's unfortunate that your family had to endure this and that CPS had to take time away from real abuse cases.

I imagine it was your referral to Hitler that got to her, but really can't people see dry humor for what it is? It's scary to think we can't express a single thought for others to read or here, for fear they'll take your kids away.

That person needs to get there own life, and get busy living her's instead of being a wantabee you.

It happened to me twice. One time a vindictive former "friend" whom I'd called the police on because she was sending semi-threatening letters to me (made from letters and words cut from newspapers and magazines stating things like "men and boys get your hand jobs here", mind) called CPS to tell them that I made my then eleven year old son sleep in the same bed with me. Of course it was not true and my poor son was traumatized by the thought that he might be taken away and put in a foster home.

The second time it was some interfering idiot parent from my son's school. My son had complained to a few friends that I made him eat apples or some other real food before he could have candy. One of these friends' parents interpreted that I only fed the poor child apples. My son was afraid that I was angry at him. I wasn't, but I wished that I could find the stupid parent who hadn't bothered to confirm with me what was going on before she called CPS.

My son is now 21 and lives in his own apartment. However, I still blog under a pseudonym because there are plenty of idiots and freaks out there who could stalk me, think it was funny to report me to animal control for having too many animals (I have 5 cats and the city legally permits four) or call my work to tell them about my blogging activities since I sometimes express controversial opinions.

I'm sorry you had to go through this crap.

Oh wow. I'm the same type of parent as you. This makes me SO angry for you. I cannot believe somebody would report something like that.

Oh my god. OH MY GOD. I am absolutely horrified that somebody would call CPS on you for something you blogged about. Horrified, terrified, outraged, angry, I can't even think of any more words to describe how I'm feeling about this. This is awful, awful, awful. Do you know who it was? I don't think I would ever be able to rest until i found out who did it and I could confront them about it....

I am outraged! You sound like a mother lovingly teaching your child consequences, and just so you know, I support you wholeheartedly. The whole thing would be laughable if it hadn't been for the distress it caused you. Thanks for writing about it, and hang in there!

Brandi I know you've received SO many comments, but I want to tell you your outlook on parenting is EXACTLY like mine is. We step outside the usual "assholes raising assholes" stereotype, and that seems to boggle the minds of the morons, even here in my own city of Las Vegas (yes, I raise my children here) I want to give you hugs & kudos for being the mother I wish more women were. I'd also love to extend a kick in the face invite to the douche who felt THAT post warranted a CPS phone call. Perhaps said caller's children should be evaluated after having a parent who thinks raising children to become accountable, responsible adults is wrong.

Brandi, first I want to say Im sorry that you even had to experience that. I understand all too well. I live in NY, and I am not kidding when I say CPS had "investigated" me atleast 6 times, and took me to court twice when I was homeschooling my oldest. These people have the power to destroy our lives! Homeschooling is VERY legal here in NY, but everytime they got word of a homeschooling parent, they were knocking on the door with accusations of educational neglect. For the next 10 months I have to allow a CPS worker in my home, distrupting my family so they can watch me. I am forced to sign releases for my daughters therapists, DRs, and school. It is the most traumatic experience ever. When someone calls on you, its literally like playing the lottery when these people show up at your door! They could be fairly nice, decent people or you could get someone on a power trip like I did and they word is bond. Its their word against yours, and your word doesnt matter. Your rights are stripped from you. Being humiliated is putting it lightly. Ive spent over 3 grand on a lawyer. Im sure somewhere in this system are decent people with common sense, I just highly doubt any of them are located in my community. I wish you and your family the very best. If you ever need to talk, Im here.

Brandi I am so sorry someone did this to your and your family! This sounds like someone who wanted to just cause some upset in your life that did this. You're right ...when CPS gets a call they have to visit.I once had a nut job neighbor who had harassed us for almost 2 years call children's services on us. They came, they questioned and much like your kids...mine were so upset and I also have one medically needy child who's health was upset by the day.BTW...please tell your husband I appreciate his service to this country and I appreciate you handling it all as a single Mom while he serves:)

Hang in there sweetie! Big hugs!

Face to face ppl are Pu...ys and online they feel like they grew a set of balls. Im sympathetic your free speech made this person behave towards you this way.

As someone who was a foster parent for years, it is horrible that CPS is called at the drop of a hat by people. Some people even use it for revenge or in malicious ways. My problem is that CPS is required by law in most states to investigate EVERY complaint, as baseless as they are or not (this is to cover their legal a$$), because many people don't realize that.Many call CPS on an anonymous tip with the same flipness that they would comment on a news article or blog post. There is no accountability so people don't think through the consequences that their actions cause.

I have had CPS called on me a couple of times and I just want to let those who have responded to this post that most state CPS databases keep the info of you being investigated, regardless of if its founded or not, and that information can be used as a strike against you! I have had it come back to me on things such things impacting my foster care license. I have seen it impacting people who have tried to adopt. And also it can come up in some state record background checks (which may impact employment or government clearance for some). So be careful and demand that copious notes be entered on your record about how unjustified and baseless accusations are. If notes aren't entered but the record just closed, it may come back to haunt you in the future.

Last year my 12 year old was given a "suicide risk" assessment by the school psychologist without my knowledge or permission. The decision to test him was based on information given the psychologist by two of his classmates. It was completely unnecessary. I was furious. Now I have a kid who has never contemplated suicide or probably even registered that there are people out there in that kind of pain asking himself if he's a suicide risk. There was nothing I could do. The psychologist would not give me the record of the assessment and denied overstepping his bounds. If he would have even taken a minute to talk to the principal, it never would have happened. My blood pressure goes up just thinking about it.

It's just wrong. And your post sounds exactly like our parenting style. I see nothing there to call CPS about. Consequences are real. Kids need to have them, good and bad, to be healthy happy people.

OMGosh, I am so sorry that your family was forced into such a traumatic experience. Just the letters "CPS" brings instant fear into the hearts of every parent.

My prayers for healing go out to you.

Wow. This is absolutely astonishing to me. I'm amazed that someone would report that - totally ridiculous - but I'm actually quite appalled that CPS would investigate, especially when they didn't consider it an issue. Are they obligated to by law? Because otherwise it would seem to me to be common sense to read the post, dismiss the concerns, inform the person who reported, and let it go.

I'm so sorry your family went through that. I hope the person who reported you read this on your blog and felt like an asshat.

This happened to me too. I posted about how my house was messy -I was pregnant with my third child, had hyperemesis (morning sickness on steroids, the amount of vomiting was equivalent to the flu or food poisoning) and my husband is a correctional officer who was working nights at the time. AND my whole family had the flu that week on top of it all. To say I was overloaded was an understatement. OF COURSE my house was messy!

Someone from my blog (I figured out who it was later) called CPS on me, and actually told them LIES -such as that there was feces on my floor, which there wasn't, or that I hadn't taken my second child to the doctor for her seizures, which I had...thankfully, I still had the documented proof to show the social worker when they arrived).

The worker arrived, cited me for a laundry pile and crumbs on my floor, and told me to clean up and that he'd be back in a week. He was actually so overloaded with other (I assume, more pressing) cases that I had to call HIM back to get him to show up two weeks later. No case was ever opened, and that was the end of it. But the fear it set in me turned me off blogging for years, and it changed the way I blog forever. We live in a scary world today. Really and truly scary.

I'm sorry this happened to your family.