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If you ever have cause to study the screenwriting of romantic comedies, you will learn about the "cute meet." That moment when the couple first bumps into each other and we the audience just know that they are destined to be together. From that moment, is their story.
From that moment, do they first become friends (or enemies) or do they go straight into a romance? It's the latter that I'm beginning to think of as the "cold cute meet," and it's a situation many of us are familiar with once you're dating out of school.
You may have met your potential love interest via an Internet dating site, picked them up (or been picked up) at a party or a bar, or had them email you off your IMDB page... OK, that last one may just be me. But I bet I'm not the only one who's gotten a romantic inquiry off my blog. Regardless, it's straight from meet to date, with no stops in between.
Thing is, when you cold cute meet right into a dating situation, you only ever know that person within a romantic, dating context. You're learning about who they are - but you're only learning who they are when they're with you. And that can make it hard to see the forest for the trees.
Two people in a relationship influence the behavior of each other. You've probably been in a relationship that brings out your less stellar qualities, and with any luck you've also dated someone who brings out the best in you. We can't help but be influenced by and shaped by our romantic partner, no matter how much we "stay ourselves." I'm pretty easy going, but I've been in relationships that drove me to ridiculous levels of insecurity (cut to me clutching a phone); I'm prone to playing hooky, but I've been in relationships that motivated me to buckle down (cut to me writing).
Further, you're meeting their friends and hearing about their dramas only through their lens. I've been burned by that little dynamic more than once. Of course, when you're going in cold you're going to believe what your partner is telling you about conflicts that involve them. Add a group of friends who don't know you, and they probably aren't going to sit you down and fill you in on the negative aspects of the person you're dating.
Of course, many a successful, long-term relationship has begun with a cold meet. There's even benefits to starting relationships this way. For one thing, I'm braver and more comfortable about a cold meet. Rejection from someone I don't even know and certainly don't yet care about may hurt my pride, but my heart is completely safe. You may feel more comfortable flirting or taking a romantic risk with someone you've recently met.
You also know the deal: An Internet date is undoubtedly a date. Both parties are clearly considering each other within that context, and it's easy to tell if your date is into you because you schedule another date.
And if there isn't a second date, you simply weren't that invested anyway.
Ultimately, in this age of lots of single living and hyperbusy schedules, many of us meet most of our romantic partners cold cute. I've got to admit I'm getting frustrated with the downside.
How about you? If you're coupled, was your relationship romantic right from the start?
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The blogosphere speaks:
Gettin Out of My Dating Box - Jodi from Diary of the Two Date Diva is mixin it up!
What is this Dating thing - from Polyamory from the Inside Out, she's about to find out that none of us know - and have fun doing it!
Things You Shouldn’t Do When Dating - Kring from Funny is the New Sexy ("Where humor and smarts are greater than D-cup breasts and cellulite-free thighs"), a post about all the "rules" we can't seem to get right. Oh yeah, she's preaching to my choir.
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Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
