Controlling Love breeds discontent and disconnection

One of the best things about being in love is that you discover much about yourself and about the person you ‘love’.  Perhaps I am speaking from a perfect world perspective, but I believe that if you are in love with someone, you have to let all of your defenses down and don’t have fear of being vulnerable.  You have to clearly understand that if you are giving of yourself that you have to take your emotions off the shelf and play by the rules of the Universe.  For most this is a scary proposition, and for so many more who find themselves in relations with people who haven’t done the same homework, this can be a dangerous rode to walk, especially when that person is controlling. 

  This week we have read about the woes of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony.  Firsthand accounts and many sources have recalled a clear pattern of Mr. Anthony being a person who is controlling to the point of debilitation and seemingly out of control with his demands.  I think when we see someone like J-Lo and we view her life through the glass, we believe how could anything be wrong with this?  How does someone of Ms. Lopez’s position get to a place where you allow your spirit to be broken?  Now notice I said stature, as in how far she has gotten in life.  I am not speaking of beauty or finances.  This is such an unfair measurement of how someone should think or should be, but you hear that argument all the time; how a pretty or financially saavy girl or good looking guy can get into such a mess.  Well let me tell you, it’s because they are simply human. 

  I firmly believe that Ms. Lopez overrode her own internal gut check because she believed herself to be in love with Mr. Anthony.  For whatever reason, her belief in herself took a nose dive and allowed her to walk down the aisle and into the arms of an individual whose accounts were already known.  Sometimes woman and men for that fact find themselves smitten by personalities.  They sometimes believe that they will be the one to ‘adjust’ this person and somehow live happily ever after.  But what will happen, 5, 10, 15 years down the line if you don’t end up losing your life to a domineering personality is that you will experience a slow and painful death of your spirit. 

This is unavoidable. 

When you spirit dies, it puts up a good fight for survival because it is of course intricate to who you are as an individual; exactly the person the controller doesn’t desire of you.  You will become frustrated, miserable, and irate, depressed, and often times you will rebound from these attributes when you see a sliver of hope.  But when the light dims, you will find yourself right back on a road of sadness.  You emotional life is drained, your creative life suffers and your physical living is stagnant.   There is no way you can live in a healthy way when part of your soul is kept in a box under lock and key.

The solution to your very survival is to take the first step.

This is often times hard if there are children involved or if your financial life is tied inextricably to the person who is making you feel hopeless, but if you are to reclaim any part of your best self, you must decided to take that step, or die where you stand.

Of course we will never know the full story of Jennifer and Marc, and perhaps you have your own story or recognize yourself as the controller in some aspect of a relationship.  My sincere word to whatever role you play is to take a hard look at your life and make some adjustments.  Find out how you got where you are and discover why you will settle being a despondent mate, friend or lover? Or if you are the controller, why do you deem it necessary to be in command of another human being who came into this world free and with God’s permission.  What are you lacking that makes you make others unhappy?

There is an answer to both of these, and when more people take a deeper look, and break the cycle; many more relations will become healthy.  Ultimately, happiness can be had being liberated, and free to be your best self thru and thru no matter what side of the coin you stand on .

Think about it.

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.