Controversial Parenting – 5 Ways to NOT Raise an A**hole

I know, what a thing for a mother to say. Unfortunately is has become way to common and reality check, you’re not doing the world any favors.  I’m all for raising your kids how you see fit – providing the end result/goal is roughly to have healthy, smart, emotionally stable children – and well, if your child is in fact an asshole chances are they aren’t very emotionally stable. This parent reached out on Reddit looking for advice on this very topic and I was pleasantly surprised with the suggestions and support they received. So surprised I actually compiled a list of the top 5 ways to ensure you to can raise a polite and well-mannered kid.

 

1. Lead by example

Always say please and thank you and require the same of your children. Hold doors, say excuse me. When you get crappy news or something doesn’t go your way, don’t freak out. Accept it, feel the relevant emotion then move on. If we get mad and throw a fit out because we didn’t get our way, we’re essentially teaching our kids that temper tantrums and whining are acceptable. “Do as I say, not as I do” does not work. Although it would be nice..

 

2. Ground them

Not in the sense of “go to your room” but remind them the universe does not revolve around them and every action has an equal and opposite reaction. They are one of 6 billion people on this world and no one always gets their way. C’est la vie! Learn it young and deal with it.

 

3. Ground them

This time I mean it. you need to teach children accountability for their actions whether it’s by; sending them to their rooms, taking away a favorite toy, or kiboshing some evening plans. A child that goes its whole life thinking they can get away with murder will continue with that mindset into adult years and we all know one of those assholes

 

4. Follow through

When you discipline your kid the key is to follow through.. EVERY DAMN TIME. Empty threats can become just that – empty – and very quickly. Children learn how far they can push you every single day, its part of growing up, but your job as the parent is to hold your ground at the edge of a boundary, like a goalie guards a net.

 

5. Respect them

Tell them you love them, all the time, and say it with conviction. Listen when they speak and really hear them. With respect comes honesty and while I’m not here with my kids yet if you have teens be real with them. Don’t tell them not to have sex because they’re “parts” will fall off with disease but rather show them legitimate instances where sex has harmed a young persons life (think Friday nights spent with a screaming newborn over bonfires with friends, or find someone who really did contract an STD and have them explain how it has serious complications and risks). Don’t give them flowery explanations of teen angst that you read in a pamphlet. They will sense your discomfort and run with it. Trust me, I was a teen not that long ago and the explanations I got, filled with knowledge and contrition, were absorbed much more than nervous rambling.

 

There you have it. I’m no expert but I am a damn good Mom with pretty well behaved kids. Shout out to all the parents on Reddit that participated in this thread, we’re shaping the future and nobody wants a world full of assholes.

 

*Originally posted in the Family Life category on The Modern Mommy

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