Conversations With a 3 Year Old

There are many times throughout the day where I am having an in-depth conversation with my 3 year old. At times I forget he’s just a small semi-uneducated child, but yet is carrying on these long drawn out conversations as if he was 12. It is only after I recall these conversations do I really understand how comical they are. I mean, some of the things we talk about are absolutely insane.

The other day, while he’s sitting on the potty, I’m going over the various reasons why he is not allowed to wipe himself after doing #2. Conversely, he is telling me the reasons why he should because he knows how to do it and he’s done it before, etc (when was this, I wonder). In hindsight, I’m thinking, why am I having this conversation? This would be absolutely unorthodox with another adult. So, as we continue this conversation and after I wipe him in the way that he has requested (still insane), he shows me that I missed a spot…ugh gross! I tell him I did not. He agrees and then proceeds to put his thumb in his mouth. Then I yelled, in horror, the one sentence you would never think you’d utter, “Don’t put your thumb in your mouth after you touch your butt!”.... 20 minute hand-washing proceeds.

At times, my 3 year old is much like an irate hostage-taker who always has outrageous demands. I am the negotiator who tries to take him down, but in a subtle non-threatening way. If he wakes up angry and not willing to remove his jammies for some unknown reason while screaming "No! No! No!", I must present him with 2 options (this works great with kids of every age). I say, “If you take off your jammies, we can put on your Elmo shirt or we can put on your dinosaur shirt.” After a few groans, he chooses and crisis is averted. Or if he wants a 3rd helping of rice crispy treats and begins to scream like a Banshee in pre-temper tantrum mode, I offer him 2 choices- “Do you want to take a nap or watch ‘Yo Gabba Gabba’ on the couch?” He chooses and all is well with the world again.

Have you ever encountered a 3 year old private detective? I have. If I have a snack or food item that I am attempting to hide from him (why am I hiding it like he’s the police?), I swear he sniffs it out and asks- “What do you have Mommy?” I say, “Nothing.” He says, “Lemme see.” I say, “What?” He says, “What you have.” I say, “Nothing.” "Lemme see. I know what you have." he says. "I have nothing", I say. This can go on for about 5 minutes until I change the subject and he is easily diverted. (More insanity)

Did you know that he is also an Avatar of the Last Airbender kind? Well, he is. If you didn’t know, he does a very good job convincing you. Random times throughout the day he will disappear and reemerge with a blue shirt strategically placed going down the middle of his head like a Mohawk. If you know anything about the Last Airbender cartoon, he has a blue arrow on his head going from his forehead to the back of his neck, hence the blue shirt. So he tells me what he’s about to do to the Fire Lord and proceeds to demonstrate his moves and agility. He tells me of his adventures with his Bender friends, he includes his older brother in this epic tale as well. I encourage him by prodding for more details of his adventures and confirming his new found alter ego. Is this the beginning of a Multiple Personality Disorder? Let's hope not.

I will miss these anecdotal conversations we have once I return to the workforce. Although I know they will never cease, I just know I won't be around for as many.

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