Cookies and Dough

I'm almost done delivering girl scout cookies. Thank God. I've decided that I hate Girl Scout Cookies. For a few reasons.

1. Samoas are clearly made by the devil - whoever that is - for the soul purpose of undermining my will, stability and perpetually "almost where I want it" body. They are irresistible little deathbombs laughably shaped like Liferings (proving that irony is a fickle bitch.)
2. They are a time suck. It takes a ridiculous amount of energy to sell these things, collect money and deliver them. And even when we kid ourselves into thinking that our daughters are doing the work, we really are.
3. They make virtually no money for the troop. 50 cents of a $4 box goes to the troop. What is that, 12%. That's a crappy margin given the fact that we do all the work.
4. I don't like teaching my daughter that crappy margins and negligible profit attained by executing on someone else's vision and on their terms is a good way to approach business. Doesn't work for me. Where's the innovation? The disruptive technology? The creativity?
5. They never change. These are the same cookies I was selling 30 years ago. Or would have been selling if I hadn't been kicked out of the Girl Scouts for insubordination.

I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to figure out what the troop would have made on Celia's 112 boxes sold and write a check to the troop next year for that same amount. Then, instead of her getting a prize from the scouts for selling the cookies, I'm going to buy her something way better for NOT making me deal with the cookies.

In any event, they're almost all delivered now. I've paid for all of them, so if people don't claim them, I guess we can just eat them. Which will suck.

But, I was feeling that sigh of relief knowing that it was almost over, until Celia came home from school announcing that they are doing a fundraiser (to pay for basic stuff, because she goes to a public school and they are so underfunded that we have to make up the difference rather than have our government figure out how to fund the basic needs of its citizens. Who needs public education when we can have more highways?) Guess what the fundraiser is? We're selling cookie dough.

Yup. What's the only thing more irresistible than Girl Scout Cookies? Cookie Dough.

I'm just going to write a check. It's better for my health.


Alyssa Royse

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