Cosmetic Dermal Fillers: Don’t Mess with My Emotions!

BlogHer Original Post

I used to think dermal fillers & injectables were cosmetic candy and admittedly, I’m no stranger to cosmetic surgery, though I’ve never had work done on my face. But I caved. It was a week before my wedding and I wanted to look perfect in every way, so I did it; I had cosmetic dermal filler injections to diminish my wrinkles.

Instead of using the popular, Botox, I opted for a product called Dysport because it was more affordable. The doctor injected it around my eyes to diminish my crow’s feet. I was completely shocked to find this is no topical solution.


I need to give a little background. My mother is nicknamed “Muggie” because at a very young age, she made so many faces or “mugs” that she earned the nickname. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and my friends and family always comment that I am no good at hiding my feelings because they are written all over my face. I never realized how much I used my facial muscles until I froze them and couldn’t anymore.

I’m a therapist with a master’s in clinical psychology. I work with people whom I offer compassion to on a daily basis and this “innocent” attempt at endless youth and perfection compromised my ability to emote. It was a completely unnatural feeling. I felt one way but looked another and I was worried people didn’t understand me when I was talking to them. Faces are supposed to have expression. It’s how we “express” ourselves!

While it was happening, I felt stuck in a sort of purgatory between genuine compassion or joy and a robotic Stepford Wife. My left eye strained so hard to squint, that the opposite corner would pull the skin and create a new dimple between my nose and just under my eye. My face had new lines and “puckers” in it that I wasn’t prepared for! When I was happy and smiling, I felt I had to SMILE AS BIG AS I COULD because my eyes weren’t smiling with me and I felt so inauthentic all of the time.

Luckily my fiancé said he couldn’t tell {though he is kind & loves me very much} but with our wedding just 5 days later, I was worried my emotions would feel stunted. It settled down a little but felt like I had a “crazy eye” in many of my wedding photos. Ultimately, it smoothed out the lines around my eyes but did not do what I wanted it to do.

About two and a half months later, I felt my left eye and emotions finally go back to normal and now, at a full three months later, I have all emotions back with some fine crows feet around my eyes. It’s supposed to last about 3-4 months but in my situation, there were only 2 weeks where I was looking AND feeling great about my face.

So now, after three months, the question is, would I do it again? At first, I definitely would have said no, not a chance. But now that everything has settled, I’m not sure. I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Definitely, I would go to a different cosmetic surgeon and use a different chemical if I chose to take the chance again.

Would you get injectable dermal fillers {or maybe you have already}? What has your experience been with them and/or would you do it again even if you had originally thought never? I'd love to hear your thoughs.


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