It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie) - K's Choice

A true creature of habit, for good and for ill, I begin each day that isn't a catastrophe from the beginning with at least one cup of coffee. It is generally vanilla or hazelnut, with real, full-fat half and half. I may have another cup in the afternoon, especially now that we have Dunkin Donuts coffee in our campus cafeteria. I am online for several hours most days of the week for work and for play and for all things in between, and I get super-twitchy when I can't check my e-mail. I eat too much sugar, probably, although this is something I do try to control. And oh, I have at least one glass of wine most nights during the week and um, many times I have more than that. And I'm single, for the purposes of this discussion. 

A distracting, intentionally artsy wine photo.

ad⋅dic⋅tion [uh-dik-shuhn]  –noun the
state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is
psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an
extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

Enslavement is a heavy concept and even the concept of trauma can be pretty traumatic. It's terrible to need anything to the point that you're traumatized if you can't have it, but I have to admit: I am really, really bothered if I can't get coffee in the morning, mostly due to logistics (i.e., I will be just stupid late for work if I either a. stop to get coffee or b. take ten minutes I don't have to quickie French-press it into a go cup at home, including a few minutes to clean up the mess so my roommates don't have to deal with it.)

Coffee in the East Village, where caffeination feels exceptionally necessary. 

The caffeine matters, I'm sure, but just like when I had trouble quitting smoking several times before I finally kicked it several years back, I'm tied to the psychological ritual of getting my cup of coffee, smelling it and (finally) drinking it. I liked smoking cigarettes until it got to be too much for me to physically endure. I liked smoking while I drove, or over coffee with a friend while we pretended to solve the world's problems. Sugar crawled into my life as a young person and once invited appears to be unwilling to hit the road. Wine entered the picture in grad school, when my wine writing group got together for weekly navel-gazing that could probably only be tolerated with at least a minor buzz.

Catherine Morgan wrote earlier this week that "If you're alive, you're probably addicted to something," and based on totally anecdotal observations over four decades, I agree.  There are the tangibles, like soda or cigarettes, and the not-so-clear, or at least not as physically harmful, like praise or control. (I know a few extreme attention-addicts and observing the stress of that plus the reactions of other people, I'll take wine for the moment, please.) 

Should I - and let's generalize to my single sisters here, because why not? - give up these things? When does it become clear that I am not really in training for a job as a sommelier and in fact just like the old red wine just a little too much? And if I give up wine (shudder) do I have to give up caffeine too? Sugar? More carbs? Do I get to keep ANYTHING in my allegedly depressed single life? 

A picture of cake batter to distract you from my ramblings.

I don't know, and don't believe that anyone else does either, really. It's not a question I can answer for you or you for me, until that horrible point where it's clear that there is a serious problem. I've watched two people close to me die very ugly alcoholic deaths and intervention did not work in either case. This is no joke. Addiction is not just a convenient label, but a long, shifting scale full of gray areas, and it is stressful for all involved. 

The daily dance of food (and in some cases alcohol) consumption and self-medication with substances, activities or thought processes is reality for millions of people in our culture, at a variety of ages, incomes and backgrounds. It seems to me that people make changes when a behavior becomes a physical or emotional threat to them and often to their family and friends, and more critically, when they feel like they actually can. This is the hard part. I mean, I know sugar is bad for me, but when faced with a Sonic cherry limeade or a piece of tiramisu, it's really easy for my brain that loves food and immediate gratification to scarf it down and worry about diabetes (which I do, given my family history) later.  

Health is precarious business, and addictions are not just the occasional elephant in the living room, but in our brains and bodies too. Or is it just me? Can you talk about it, the stuff you can't quit? And if you did, how? Or if you want to, why? Because I feel like I just wrote myself into a corner here and I'd love some help. 

Rachelann at Life of a Single Girl included her addictions on her 25 Things list, crossposted to her blog.(I liked #25 best - "I feel that I am destined for great things.") 

#19. I love wine, but I'm not a big drinker.
#20. I'm perfectly fine being by myself-in fact most of the time I prefer it.
#21. I'm addicted to shoes and purses.
#22. I'm addicted to love ; )

Blogoholic lists 101 signs you're addicted to the Internet. (I only needed like three or four, but warning, many of these are tongue-in-cheek.) 

Sass recently wrote The Addictions of Sass (saving what I'd call the big guns for the postscript, but maybe cereal and John Legend are a more pressing issue than beer and wine. Issues, I have issues!) 

Shannon of Single Mom xs Four had a shoe addiction for herself and her kids. The purging recently began.

 The hardest part was 4 little pairs of Converse that belonged to Little
Bird when he was 1 & 2 years old. I lined them all up on the floor
and about cried. Mini-Me tried told me to keep them cause they were so
cute. I told her no and put them in a seperate bag from all the other
shoes. I had a fight with myself about what to do with them. UGH
Letting go is so hard but really I have no use for the shoes. So I put
the bag on top of the rest of the items that will go to Goodwill on
Sat. I am hoping I have the strength to let them go with out to many
tears shed or. Really they are just shoes ...

Psychology Today's Addiction Center is a helpful online resource, and Dr. Elisha Goldstein's Mindfulness and Addiction posts are useful too.  

NIH/Medline's take on caffeine. 

Tips for overcoming sugar addiction, and  Escape From Candyland, Holly's blog about "seeking freedom from sugar addiction, insulin resistance, and polycystic ovarian syndrome."

Coffee and sugar tag team. 

Finally, as I wrote this, @thelordyourgod Tweeted: 

IF THE LORD YOUR GOD CAN'T QUIT COFFEE, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR WAYS, MONKEYS?  8 minutes ago from web

And yes, I do believe in signs.  

My name is Laurie White, and I write about family and photography at BlogHer. I also write at LaurieWrites.