As a blogger, I get people offering to send me books for review multiple times a week. I love this, because I love books, but I hate this, because my time is limited and some of these books are atrocious. When I had the chance to review a copy of Logan Levkoff's Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be: What Your Kids Are Learning About Sex Today -- And How to Teach Them to Become Sexually Healthy Adults, though, I jumped at it.

There are few things I find as daunting, as a parent, as the prospect of teaching my children what they need to know about sexuality. Not because I have trouble talking about this stuff, necessarily, but because I vividly remember squirming during conversations with my own mother. How embarrassing, I remember, to have to discuss these things with my mom. (In retrospect, I credit my mother with having absolutely gotten it right, being open and straightforward with me.) I tore into Third Base with the hope that it would serve as fortification in my parental arsenal; I'll take all the practical guidance I can get.

The book didn't disappoint. In fact, it handles plenty of the hard issues with ease, and my respect for the author only grew as I read on. By the time I'd reached her advice on how to handle those hard-to-answer personal questions (turn it back on them with counter-questions to find out why they're asking what they're asking -- sneaky and brilliant), I was prepared to ask Logan Levkoff if she might adopt me. Realizing that that might come off as a bit too creepy, I decided to interview her, instead.

Without further ado, I give you Logan Levkoff -- author, sexologist, and accommodating interview subject:

Mir Kamin: Tell me about writing this book; who do you hope is reading it?

Logan Levkoff: This book was such a pleasure to write. I loved every minute of it, because as corny as it sounds, this has always been my passion and I do believe that we all can make a difference in our children's lives. That being said, I hope everyone is reading it. Third Base wasn't written solely for parents; it is for anybody who works with or cares for children and teens or is simply curious about how our culture has changed the way children and teens view sexuality and intimacy.

MK: I love how you (repeatedly) emphasize that discussing and teaching moral values is the parents' job. What do you say to parents who insist that their values forbid even discussing sex with their children?

LL: Giving values is certainly a parents' responsibility -- especially when the media may provide kids with a set of values that are the antithesis of yours. But sexuality is an innate part of who we are -- from the instant that we are brought into this world. The fact is our children get thousands of explicit and implicit messages about sexuality every day. If we don't take the time and use the opportunity that we have as parents, we default to many other sources. I believe that even if (on the surface) you don't believe in talking about sex -- hopefully, at the core of our values is the protection of our children's health and welfare. If that is the case, it is our responsibility to talk to them about sexuality and health, in general. This world is different today, and we need to step up to the plate (pardon the pun).

MK: I've had a few recent adventures in discussing the facts of life with my kids, but they're still quite young and willing to talk/listen. How do I (and other parents) keep that flow of communication going into adolescence?

LL: Parents sometimes think that in order to have a conversation with your children about sexuality, you have to be talking about sex. I want people to realize that sexuality is far more than intercourse (which by the way, is fairly heterosexist, right?). Once you cover the less sophisticated issues (anatomy, puberty, pregnancy, the difference between families), it becomes far easier to talk about the more provocative ones (like sexual behaviors and safer sex). The best way to maintain the flow of communication throughout adolescence is to be non-judgmental, listen to what your kids and their friends are talking about, watching, reading, and doing, and then ask open ended questions and start sharing your own experiences, too. Teens often think that their parents are just out of touch. But by giving them access to your experiences (what the world looked like, who were your pop culture icons, what were you thinking about when you were deciding whether or not to be sexually active, whether sexual health was a concern for you), you empower them and in turn, encourage them to talk to you about what's going on in their lives. You care enough about them to let them into your world. You may not change their minds, but you will give them something to think about.

MK: What's your favorite part of working with kids/schools on this stuff?

LL: My favorite part of working with students is being able to see the look on a child/teen's face when they realize that their body and their feelings are normal. There is nothing more rewarding for me than knowing that I am helping to empower them and encourage them to take care of both their emotional and physical sexual health.

MK: I was surprised to see that the photo on your splash page is -- although not revealing, per se -- certainly quite provocative. Your work as a sexologist extends beyond working with kids, of course, but do you find that you are needing a new persona in this role as an advisor to parents, and/or that the "sexy" image is turning people off to your message of how to communicate with kids about sexuality?

LL: Interesting comment, it's never come up before. That's a new photo taken by an amazing photographer, Bill Wadman, for his 365 Project. But here's the thing: I am a mom, an educator, an author, and yes, a sexual being, too. The picture may be "sexy" by some people's standards, but I've never thought of it as anything more than a beautiful photo taken by an incredible photographer.

MK: When you and I were growing up, a double-standard for sexual conduct was common. (I believe "nice girls don't" pretty much sums it up.) You talk a fair amount in the book about today's youth believing that oral sex is something that girls give to boys -- so there's still a double-standard, but it has changed. What are the other key differences you see, and how do we equalize the sexes when talking to our kids (or should we not even be thinking in terms of that)?

LL: For me, the message has always been about demanding (and expecting) equality and mutual respect for partners, friends, and peers. When we talk about relationships, it is essential that we stress mutuality – whether it is about pleasure, having a "voice" and being able to speak up, and emotional and physical protection. Also, so many teens still blame their sexual activity on substance. For example, "I totally had sex… but I was so drunk." The problem here is that teens rely on substances to own their decisions. For some reason, drugs or alcohol legitimize teen sexuality, especially when it comes to girls. If girls knew that their sexual feelings were natural too, they wouldn't have to act out under the influence. And there is also that whole notion that, "A girl who carries condoms is a slut," (because she must be having lots of sex, right?). I have been endlessly trying to quash that. All it does is reinforce the double standard, and make women less likely to demand protection.

MK: I'm sure you know the old joke about how the psychiatrist's kids are always screwed up. As a mom, what does your work mean in terms of the impact on your own son?

LL: I'm smiling as I read this, because my husband and I always laugh that we will be the parents in the dean's office having a conversation about why our son is explaining the reproductive system to his peers. But I have to say, I'm okay with that. Our son, who is 2½, knows the words vulva, penis, testicles, and breasts and frequently uses them. I would much rather he use those terms than other more offensive slang. And thankfully, his school knows what I do for a living and they have the same philosophy as we do. As for his adolescence, he will know about tolerance, respect, and the importance of communicating about sexuality before simply acting on it. Of course, I do realize that he could also see me as a super-cool mom or the most embarrassing thing ever. I am hoping for the former!

MK: If a parent is going to take away just one message after reading Third Base Ain't What It Used To Be, what do you hope that will be?

LL: Sexuality is not a dirty word. It is a wonderful part of who we are. By teaching our children this, they will feel good about their bodies, recognize the importance of sexuality, and feel empowered to make decisions when they are ready and on their own terms –not because they think that "everyone is doing it."

Thanks so much for talking with me, Logan!

Related reading:
CUSS & Other Rants -- Let's Talk about Sex, Baby: An Interview with Logan Levkoff, Sexuality Expert
MilkMonster Laughs -- Weekend Read -- Articles of Interest -- Sex
Jezebel -- Third Base Isn't What It Used To Be, And Other Stuff That Scares Us
Ypulse -- Ypulse Interview: Logan Levkoff

Contributing Editor Mir also blogs about issues parental and otherwise at Woulda Coulda Shoulda and Cornered Office, as well as sharing the joys of mindful retail therapy at Want Not.