Crack, Drunken Stupors, and Bobbleheads, Oh My

Rob FordOf course I need to weigh in, albeit late, on the whole Toronto mayor scandal.  In case you haven't been following this closely, let me recap.  In May of this year rumors of an incriminating video surfaced of the portly Mr. Ford smoking crack along with a picture of him hanging in a hoodie.  By the way, Mr. Ford makes Bill Belichek look downright debonair in his hoodie on Sundays.

After much brouhaha and meaningless political blather from all and sundry of his inner circle and in the absence of said incriminating video, Mr. Ford issued a clear and concise statement of his own:  "I do not use crack cocaine nor am I an addict of crack cocaine."  Enough said.  Move along, nothing to see here.  Case closed.

Not. So. Fast.

Numerous allegations of drug use and DEALING come to light by members of his entourage.  Yes, that's right dealing.   Name calling ensues, carefully skirting any unseemly expletives which would be beneath these fine upstanding citizens.  Numerous people resign or are removed from their posts, but  two remain standing including Mr. Rob Ford himself and his faithful sidekick and brother Doug Ford.  It's Toronto city politics version of the Hunger Games.

So, you'd think this would be a wake up call to Mr. Ford, time to clean up your act, and wipe your brow that you dodged a bullet here.   Oh, No.  This is Vegas (really Toronto) baby and he's doubling down.  In August, he's caught on video swaying and slurring his words.

But, do the people of Toronto care?  Hell No!  We won't let Rob Ford Go!  His approval rating climbs to close to 50%.  Yes that's right, one-half of the fine citizens of Toronto believe he's doing a bang up job.  Go get um tiger!

Then, things take a turn for the worse for Mr. Ford.  His driver is arrested on drugs trafficking charges and then Mr. Ford gets a fine trick (not a treat) on Halloween.  It's no joke, the police now have THE video.

He then (finally) admits to being "hammered" in public and told reporters that "I have smoked crack cocaine" but that he's not an "addict" and that he tried it "probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably."  Even more concerning, and continuing the pretense that he's not an addict, he did not know the exact circumstances of his crack use.  “I don’t even remember...the state I’ve been in? It’s a problem.”

His explanation for his statement back in May?  The reporters did not ask the "right" question.  He relies on the present tense/past tense distinction when parsing out his answer.  Beauty Eh?  He's such a hoser.

But wait, Johnny, there's more.  Another video surfaces (New Rule #1 of Hunger, er, I mean Ford Games, no videos!) where a once again extremely inebriated Ford goes off about someone who insulted Ford and his brothers by calling them "liars and thieves" (as if!!).  In the expletive filled video, he screams “I’ll rip his f---ing throat out. I’ll poke his eyes out. . . . I’ll make sure that motherf---er’s dead,” Ford says, then hitches up his pants over his extremely rotund belly bracing for action.  I half expected him to say next that he lived in a van down by the river.  Chris Farley you are missed (no one else could do this justice).

You just can't make this stuff up.  So, finally the nail in the coffin for Mr.  Ford right?  This must must must be beyond the pale for the fine people of Toronto. Nope, it doesn't appear to be. Of one thing I'm certain, there will be more chapters to this surreal tale.  So, today's news should not come as a surprise, yet it does.  Mr. Ford joins the exalted ranks which include Snookie and Miley Cryus (with a twerking version) and has his own Bobblehead--a smoking ho t svelte and flattering Bobblehead at that.  He got the Ken treatment.  His Rob Ford Bobbleheadmother must be so proud.  

And, if the fact of the Bobblehead is not enough, the fine and upstanding citizens of Toronto actually LINED UP (formed a queque, waited in an orderly row) to shell out $20 for this piece of crap which he then autographed.

Only in America, oh I forgot, this is Canada.  Only in Canada. Good, they can have that stereotype now.  We've had it long enough.  Let's show them America.   The next time one of our politicians smokes crack, lies about it, and then admits to it, we won't stand for it and we certainly won't buy the Bobblehead.  


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