Crazy as I am?

So there's this song someone sings that goes something like this:  "I will never find someone as crazy as I am."


Well how about I don't ever want to find someone as crazy as I am?


Of course this is the way it should be.  Do you really want to meet a significant other as crazy as you, if you are crazy?  And if you "aren't crazy" then why are you reading this crap?  Just kidding...


What I mean is that we don't want to end up with a partner who is our mirror image.  But you already knew that, but as far as crazy goes, I want someone so solid they have never been on antidepressants.  Is that possible in this day and age?


I don't even want someone with a different brand of crazy than my own.


Why are my sanity expectations so high?  Because I know myself, I'm a wee bit emotional is all.  I'm not bat shit cray cray!  I mean I have my moments and I try not to take them out on others.


I'm actually also quite fascinated by true sanity.  People who are stable in this unstable world. 


Having said that I need a rock who happens to have emotions and likes the occasional chick flick.  What?  Is that too much to ask?


Look you can't pick your partner's sanity, you usually don't find out about their true insanity until many deeds have already been done. Houses bought, kids, joint accounts...it's usually too late when you find out you married a semi-maniac.  


So am I a semi-maniac?  Or am I the whole full blown thing?


If you know anything about my history you will find that I have been diagnosed as Bipolar and am on medication. If you know me in real life you also know that there is much more to me than this diagnosis.  


I may have a deeper connection to my emotions than some people, but let's be real, is that what we mean when we say crazy?  Mean people are crazy.  People who hurt other people for their own gain, probably because they are insecure are nuts.  The real maniacs are the ones that kill other people because they can.  Mentally ill people are more likely to be victims rather than perpetrators of crime.  


So let's go back a minute to the original conversation, before we got all political.  I mean I like relatively sensitive men.  But don't cry everyday, I met a guy who does, and don't like start crying every time I cry.  Be strong.  But be gentle.  


I don't like the word normal.  I don't per say want someone normal.  In fact I want someone so brilliant they are abnormal.  Inevitably that man is gonna be crazy isn't he?  Be honest.  It's a Catch-22 isn't it?


I don't know, I'm getting older and I have all these expectations.  I expect happiness in a relationship.  I've thought about it too much, haven't I?


What would Oprah say?  If I only had a direct line to her...


Seriously, I stand by the notion that I know there is an inner madness in everyone, but I'd like a partner who has dealt with his demons.  


What will I give in return?  I'm funny, I mean I do the best impressions of my parents that anyone has done in history.  I'm spontaneous!  I'm fun!  But most importantly I know the value of love.  I love deeply.  I love passionately.  I love truly.    


Call me crazy.  Just do it.  It's kinda true.  Let's play the cards that we got, I'm OK with a few jokers. 


There's another song, "I remember when, I remember when I lost my mind...there was something so pleasant about that place...but it wasn't because I didn't know enough...I just knew too much..."


I don't know much but I do know...something.


nina 

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