Apathy (noun): 1: lack of feeling or emotion: impassiveness. 2: lack of interest or concern: indifference.I don't understand apathy. I don't get not feeling emotions -- though I could see how someone might confuse states I have been in in the past as being in a state of apathy. I don't think I was though.At points in my past, sometimes extended periods at a time, I lived in a state of self-induced numbness. Sometimes, what you feel can be so overwhelming that you aren't prepared, don't know how to deal with it....more
Do you have a prayer request? A special need? Well, I spent all night placing a live webcam to Lourdes, France on my website, including a little mailbox to their prayer request email. All kinds of weird computer problems kept cropping up, and I kept offering them up as a prayer, which did help to keep me from being annoyed. Then...
This morning I got an email from a friend who told me that today is OUR LADY OF LOURDES FEAST DAY! Wow. I had no idea! That is just so cool...
Somehow being able to write gives me an outlet and makes me calmer, eases the resentment.I opened my BlogHer account today and noticed that my post "I am Evil" has 650 views, but "And So I Came Clean" has less than half that number, "Awkward" is under 100. I think that misery and drama "sells" (my blog is not monetized). Figuring out that you are figuring things out, does not. Reality is boring....more
Lately, I've gotten several emails about putting your babies on a schedule like Brayden is. I thought it might be best if I answered you in a post in case anyone else was interested. I'm by no means an expert - this is just what worked for us and for Brayden. All babies are different and what works for B is just what works for B.I'm a stay at home mom....more
Sunday was my first post, the evil Post. Tuesday night was the night I “Came clean.” I thought somehow coming clean would make things easier, better. Perhaps in the same way that a cheater feels if they tell their spouse the guilt will be gone. Except the guilt is replaced by sadness. I’ve made my husband so very sad. Mornings are a lot more quiet right now. He says he’s waiting for Feb 5 – the first counseling appointment. So we can start to fix this....more
It took less that 48 hours for me to tell my husband it existed. It wasn’t until then I realized how hurtful a secret blog is. I have a handwritten diary, that’s mine, He knows it’s there, he knows my angry and dark thoughts go into it. (I often wonder why I never think to pick it up when I’m happy, to record and accomplishment, or just the joy of a day spent in bed eating Chinese take-out and watching movies.) But a blog is different; it's all of my secrets posted for reading and commentin...more
Just so you know, my posts will never contain pictures. I'm going to lie about where I live. I'll hide from my family. So with an introduction like that why would you read on? Well if you did, Kudos, or therapy wishes. I'm not sure which is more appropriate.Why would I be so secretive? Why would I hide? In a nutshell, because I think that my honest feelings are, well, evil....more
Okay, so here we go with the first blog for 2010 and the topic is a bit like an open wound: it's a sore spot but won't get better unless it's touched. So let's all get together and touch this one, okay? ...more