Cross Post: Stuck in the Middle...
By michelewhitney on August 07, 2012
Greetings fellow bloggers, writing fans, and readers!
(That made me feel important)
It’s the 7th day of August, and I haven’t even checked in with a topic for this month. That’s because I don’t have one! I have a couple of ideas, but I have been super busy in these first few days of August. Last Sunday I participated in an event that I will never forget. I decided to get baptized as an adult. Fully submerged in water. I wanted the chance to outwardly express my love for my Higher Power (as I define Him through Jesus Christ) as an adult because when we are baptized as children, we don’t get to make that choice. It was an amazing experience that I will write an essay about very soon. It was freeing and symbolic of washing away the shame of the mistakes from the past, and the promise of forgiveness in the future. I was very blessed to be able to take part in it.
Last Saturday I celebrated my 36th birthday, which if you read my essay about last year’s birthday, you know that my birthday is always a bit emotional for me. I had planned to spend the day alone, but was lucky enough to have my BFF (best friend forever) in town and I spent time with her and her family. It was nice. The birthday emotions were still there. But I tried to feel all of the emotions, the good and the not so good. There were tears and laughter, joy and pain, and I tried to be present for it all.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful to be another year older (although I think I may start fibbing about my age…did I already tell you I was 36? Oooops, I meant 31, haha), but I still feel so “in-between.” As I reflected on being another year older, I began to have those famous “conflicting feelings” moments that I am prone to have, when I read a Melody Beattie affirmation (what would I do without that woman?):
“Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between. One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, of what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.”
I’m like, well what do you know?! That’s my issue with this year’s birthday. I feel so “in-between.” And it’s not one of those in-betweens that’s a block away. I feel like I’m in the in-between that goes on for infinity!
There is so much that is undone, so much that has yet to be accomplished. And of course, being a codependent, I focus on that instead of what has been done and what has been accomplished.
So I’ve decided for this month to be “in-between” for a topic. I will post random stuff. Well, maybe not random, but I will not focus on a particular topic, unless that’s the way my mind takes me. Perhaps I will even talk about being “in-between.” Or perhaps not. Whatever I talk about, I know that it’s all on the path to somewhere…somewhere good.