BlogHer - Spilling My Guts - Comments

Breathing and crying

marnieglickman — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:10:24 -0500

I am breathing and crying reading your post. How devastating it is when our bodies fail us. How unjust and undemocratic that we can not get responsible health care in our country.

I just got back from the hospital with my husband. He has been unable to work and sick for more than 5 years. He is 44. We only meet with the gatekeeper doctor. We can't get a specialist to see him b/c there is not blood coming out of his behind. He has brain infections. With private health insurance, we still can't get a brain scan without paying 5,000 dollars or more. We have test results about neurological problems, but the neurologists say there not "good enough" tests and can't get us the right tests...yet. I could go on and on. Our daughter is 3. She has only known a sick daddy.

Back to you and breathing and crying.

I am so sorry that you are in pain. Share your breath and tears with us. They are true.

I breathe and cry for you, my husband and all of us who yearn for health and wellness and relief.

Peace,

Marnie

Wow! You are going through

LynnCraig — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 11:33:46 -0500

Wow! You are going through so much and with over 100+ comments here, you are not alone.

It is HORRIBLE that you had to wait so long AFTER contacting your doctor.

I know the US is all freaked about the public health care option...but it seriously may allow faster access than the PPO, HMO and other controls in place to keep people away from the doctor's offices and special tests!

I hope that your test go well, you get treatment fast and recover quickly!!

Anytime!

Facingforty — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:07:32 -0500

If my experiences, as icky as they are, can help someone, it makes things a little better.

Healing journey

Dia_song — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:51:17 -0500

This is intense - thanks for sharing your long strugle!

I also would be happy to share some complimentary health ideas - have been a healer & bodyworker for 25 years. 8 or so years ago a friend with IBS came to me to take Reiki & have a few sessions - & was able to turn that around by doing 'self' Reiki when she felt pain coming on!

I've been reading about the Master Cleanse recently, as my daughter, her family & I are working on going gluten free! I have been blessed with good health - but am always looking into things to support that :) Coconut oil is one of my current personal favorites! Haven't cooked in anything else since spring, & it's delightful. Can be a boon to clearing up digestive 'stuff,' as the Medium Chain Fatty Acids are the same as in Mama's milk :)

Bright Blessings!

thanks

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:44:08 -0500

You gotta laugh!

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

You hear a lot about cleansing these days

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:43:32 -0500

Yet I've never really investigated it. Thanks for asharing.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Suvival is good!! ha!

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:41:36 -0500

The anxiety really is a bitch though. Sigh. Thanks Schmutzie.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

I wish health care was not what was keeping you...

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:37:12 -0500

...from getting checked out.

That makes me shake my fist at our leaders.

A lot.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Oh Janet!

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:35:01 -0500

I'm so glad you did tell us.

And I wish the easist and speediest of recovery.

I'm very glad they found it and you are taking care of it.

You know blogs are the best when you are just looking to read and share.

Best of luck. And healing thoughts to you.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

thanks

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:32:30 -0500

I really do appreciate the thoughts. Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Writing really does help a ton

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:30:42 -0500

...it was the hitting "publish" I wasn't so sure about.

I'm so glad I did.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

I bet you I will be tweeting..lol

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:29:09 -0500

and emailing, and writing blog posts....

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Butt jokes were ALWAYS big at my house

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:28:14 -0500

Let's just say...this has kicked it up to 11.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Manging without life getting in the way

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:27:09 -0500

Is a feat for sure. I've been managing, but it's not easy. Hoping post tests, it's more under control.

Hoping your family member feels well soon too.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Thanks FacingForty

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:25:19 -0500

I appreciate the offer. Don't be surprised when I take you up on it :)

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Spilling My Guts

Erin Kotecki Vest — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 02:01:01 -0500

It's after midnight here in Michigan, where I am visiting with friends and family. Surrounded daily by love and attention and support.

So why am I awake and crying?

Because for many months I've been hiding my health issues. Ok, maybe hiding isn't the best word. But since about ...oh, last year Christmas I've failed to mention to you - the people whom I tell EVERYTHING- that I've been sick.

So tonight I'm awake and crying because yet ANOTHER symptom has appeared in this long and exhausting road of "I'm getting old and my body sucks."

Tonight my mouth is covered in sores (sexy, I know...stay with me it gets sexier) after months of vomiting and several weeks of rectal bleeding.

Yes, I said rectal bleeding. And get used to it, because I'm going into more detail.

You see, back when I was *just* feeling sick and puking ocassionally, I didn't bother to see my doctor. After all, I'm a puker. Two glasses of wine? Puke. Nasty smell coming from the trash? Puke. Weather turns and it's cold and I don't have a jacket? Puke (I'm not kidding, the cold makes me puke).

Then this started happening more and more often. Sometimes just a gag. Sometimes just in the morning like I was pregnant or something (no, I'm not) and sometimes just over-all nausea with zero puke...I thought, huh, that's weird. Oh well.

And I went on with my normal life.

I saw many of you as I traveled, and threw up in your conference hall bathroom. I went out with many of you to dinner, and threw up in the restaurant's toilet. I even walked down some streets with some of you after a night of fun and drinks, and threw up in a trash can while you weren't looking.

For some reason, I thought this was fine. For some reason, I did not call my doctor. For some reason, life just went on.

Until...

I didn't see my doctor until one day I went to the bathroom and instead of pooping a blood clot came out. Then another. And then a few more.

Then the next day it happened again. And the next day...again.

Nothing can get you calling your doctor faster than blood coming from places it shouldn't.

It was 2 weeks before I could get an appointment, and the nice nurse said "well, you know, if it gets worse feel free to go to the ER..."

Uh, thanks.

Of course that doctor had to refer me to another doctor who had to refer me to one more. They ran the usual test. Blood work was fine. Urine was fine. And that's when you start to think YOU are the crazy one and maybe this all just is normal and life should just go on and you should quit your bitching.

Then finally we had a test that came back abnormal.

It was a fun one. The doctor stuck his hand up my ass- the rectal exam.

That test confirmed I was bleeding. It wasn't much to go on, but hey...at least we were getting somewhere.

From there I saw the Gastro doc, who looked at me and my chart and my tests and my symptoms for all of 3 minutes before ordering two rather invasive procedures. I didn't argue. When you are bleeding out your ass and feeling sick, you just don't argue.

Mind you, the soonest I get to have any of these tests done is August. Because nothing says "health care in the US sucks" like waiting 6-8 weeks for tests you could probably use yesterday.

As the weeks drag on and the tests are done and we wait for results...I still feel like crap. Of course, on again, off again feel like crap. Some days I'm puking, some I'm just quesy. Some days I'm bleeding a little, some days I'm not bleeding at all. Some days I feel fantastic and consider canceling all the tests ordered.

Then there are days like today. I just threw up in my cousin's bathroom, put canker sore medicine in 6 different spots in my mouth, and wiped my ass to find pink and red dots.

When I finished, throat raw, mouth numb, and ass hurting...I sat down on this bed and began to cry and write.

I cry because I'm tired, and I cry because I don't know what I'm dealing with. I cry because I'm afraid it's something simple, like an infection or some "stress" induced illness. I cry because I'm afraid it's something not so simple, like Celiacs or Crohn's or Cancer. But mostly...I cry because I'm really freaking tired of feeling like crap, and I'd like that to go away now...please.

Which leads me to why I am finally blogging about this...and why I hesitated to tell you.

First of all...do many people really want to say "Hey, so...guess what...I'm sick and bleeding out my ass!!!" to the entire world? Yeah, not so much. Also, I didn't know what to tell you. For all I know it's all in my head and I have a bad 'roid from pregnancy flared up and pissed off. Sarah knows what I mean, she recently blogged about having a colonoscopy and had the same hesitations I did,

"I've been having some strange digestive issues of late (last couple of years) and finally there's started to be a small (very small) amount of blood so the docs want to check it out (obviously). It's funny because no one ever talks about this subject, but once you open the door, everyone has some stories. How can one not laugh at it all though."

But as time marches on, and more and more tests are ordered, I realize it's been this community that tends to remind me I am not alone and that they too may have some information or knowledge to share.

Over at Post Cards from Yo Momma I found this gem:

"Dad took me to lunch afterwards. All in all, the procedure itself was a breeze. I just wish that bitch with the needle had told me how much it would burn. They did warn me I might feel light headed after the IV meds kicked in, but that turned out to be a sensation I found surprisingly enjoyable. I bet my hiney was the cutest one all day."

I bet my hiney is cute too!

I also bet it won't be the one shaking it's ass ontop of a table at BlogHer.

Yes, this means at BlogHer '09 in Chicago I won't need to hide. I won't try to quietly puke in the bathroom if I need too, and I won't need to explain to you why I may or may not be having that 2nd glass of wine. If I get up at lunch or dinner or breakfast and excuse myself I can actually say "I don't feel well" not "I have a phone call, let me take it outside." It will be nice to NOT hide.

Which means from here on out you get to join me in my journey. It might be too much to hear...I mean, really- who WANTS to know that much about my ass and my bowels? Or it may be just what was needed, because you too have had similar symptoms or you too know someone also undergoing some tests.

On August 4th I'll be sedated and doctors will drop a camera down my throat and into my stomach to look around.

On August 11th I'll be sedated and a colonoscopy will be performed.

And I'm going to tell you ALLLLL about it. From the prep to the diagnosis and all the whining and complaining I will do in between (because you know I will).

In a few weeks I will blog my endoscopy. Then I will blog the prep for my colonoscopy (which, dude...clear liquids, enemas, drinking gallons of some crappy mixture..all accounts indicate it's hell) and then the procedure itself.

By the end I hope to have some answers, and if not...at least I'll have you.

Other bloggers talking stomachs, butts, and gastro excitement:

Fatty Kathy's Weight Loss

KMae Today

Tears N Tantrums

Celiac Chicks

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain blog