I'm too tired for polyamory.

maryrwise — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 20:42:10 -0500

That's not just a flip remark. While my marriage is great, it's taken a lot of energy, a lot of love, and a lot of attention to make it great. The thought of doing that work with more than one person makes me want to take a nap! So I remain happily monogamous.

But for those for whom it works, I say live and be well. Love is a good thing; intimacy takes many forms.

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Three (or more)'s a Crowd.

Liz Rizzo — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 15:07:28 -0500

I have found polyamory and various forms of open relationships very prevalent in Los Angeles. Here, it's as much a part of the getting to know you phase of a relationship as the discussion of religion, children and politics.

How do you vote, and BTW, do you swing?

I do not.

Certainly, I've found myself thinking about it - hey, I've got as many fantasies as the next girl. I've even caught myself trying to back into it, see if maybe it does fit. Like, if it was someone I knew really well, perhaps another couple with whom we were really close friends... If all the circumstances were right, if we were at just the right place, and I felt really comfortable...

Yeah, that's a total load of BS. Do I swing? No, I do not.

Simply put, when I'm in a relationship, I don't want to be with anyone but the man I'm with. I want to build an intimate unit between the two of us, glued together with the private things we share. I believe that the best relationships bloom within a community of support, but I don't want some stranger or some friend in our bedroom any more than I would invite his mom. There are some things shared exclusively within a couple. For me, that absolutely includes sex.

Ultimately, it comes down to this. For me, sex is an wonderful, intimate act that holds meaning within a relationship. I can't imagine that it can be just "fun" with one person and then "meaningful" with others - for me, it is both. Or that sex is always just physical and that intimacy comes from other things. Surely, intimacy does come from a variety of shared experiences and beliefs - including sex. Some people maintain more than one sexually intimate relationship - I can respect that as someone's truth, but it's not mine. Sex is something I only share with one person, within a relationship.

That's who I am, and that's what I bring to the table. I expect nothing less in return.

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess and The SexySmart Blog.

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I'm too tired for polyamory.

Three (or more)'s a Crowd.