BlogHer - Food Fuss - Comments

Manners?

ClaireS — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 10:50:28 -0600

Yes, picky eating is different from vegetariansim.

Vegetarians mostly make a CHOICE not to eat meat (or meat products), and they expect other people to respect that choice. Now, I don't mind accomodating vegetarians or vegans when I cook. In fact it's quite a fun challenge for someone like me, who eats no fruit or veg. But the fact is, as a picky eater, there is a lot of food which I wouldn't be ABLE to tolerate in my mouth, let alone swallow (I would gag and/or vomit), even if my life depended on it.

It's funny how people criticise what they don't understand.

I have struggled my whole life with people thinking my eating is just an annoying self-indulgent choice, and that I have bad manners. Neither is true. I would never complain to a host that I couldn't eat something, but I wouldn't be able to eat it either, even though I wish I could, and I would do my best to try for the sake of good manners. It isn't always possible though.

Adult Picky Eaters

ClaireS — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 09:43:30 -0600

Hi Kalyn

Adult Picky Eaters do not do it to annoy you, you know. And we are not "turning up our nose" at stuff, we just have a disorder that means we cannot eat it. We will most likely gag or vomit if we do, and I'm sure you wouldn't want that at your dinner table any more than we do.

It is not a choice, and it is not our fault. We can't help it, any more than blind people can help not being able to see. And it is not snobbery either. We'd love to be able to eat what everyone else does. But we just can't. Many of us have a Taste Sensitivity or Sensory Integration Disorder - stuff tastes and feels different to us (which is why most of us prefer plain simple stuff to the exotic). For some of us, it's related to OCD, others say it is psychological or neurological in terms of its cause.

As you can perhaps imagine, it can be very painful to go through life like this, especially when there are so many ignorant people who dont't understand and call us "childish", "babies" and so forth.

I don't expect the entire group to choose a restaraunt based on my food "preferences", but I do expect them to understand that if they don't, then I probably won't be able to eat. I don't mind not being able to eat, if everyone wants to go to a sushi restaraunt or whatever, but I do mind other people having a go at me about it.

I'm so sorry that our problem offends you.

Picky eaters run in my family...

skyangel annie — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 18:18:10 -0500

My dad was a chef, and I was his food taster when he whipped up an original. His edict was "Try it once, so if you find out you don't like it, at least you can say you tried it." Unfortunately, it wasn't enforced at home, for my youngest sister refuses to eat anything unless she knows EXACTLY what's in it. And if there's anything "bad" she won't touch it. Which is most of the time.

My father-in-law is a "my way or the highway" and he dictates what my husband's family's eats. For him, it's a power and a control issue. It drives me nuts.

Neither of these two have any food allergies or restrictions.

My 3 year old is also picky. Granted, most toddlers are, but he's also autistic and has sensory issues. He can't tolerate certain textures, flavors, etc. so it's a challenge finding something he WILL eat.

I commented over at Amy's -

mia3mom — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 12:18:06 -0500

I commented over at Amy's - I'm very impressed with how well she handled the allergy/restriction issue. I think that people with allergies or other food restrictions (like veganism, x gives me migraines, etc) are the ones who *expect* to be trouble, so they go out of their way not to be.

When we were vegetarian, we ate around the meat. Now that we have major food allergies, we bring our own food or eat at a restaurant we have vetted in advance. My younger brother still won't eat out with me, though - he gets embarassed that I have to talk to the wait staff.

My kids are learning to push food to the side if they don't like something in a casserole (like mushrooms or onions), but I'm not willing to listen to a fuss about it. If you aren't allergic to it (or have sensory issues about it), you eat it here. Thankfully my kids aren't very picky.

Rachel
A Gaggle of Girls
Rachel's Recipe Box

It's back to manners

mrswaz — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 12:01:25 -0500

I don't think it's so much an issue of people being picky per se. Everyone has foods that they don't like. It's about the manners you choose to exhibit when among other people. If I am invited to someone's home for dinner, I eat whatever they serve, regardless of what it is. If I am watching my sugar intake and a host generously offers me a wedge of chess pie, by golly I will eat it with relish, and let them know how much I appreicate their efforts. If someone has lovingly prepared a venison stew, I will eat it and compliment the cook, despite my distaste for venison.

The people who are annoying are the ones who, upon an invitation to dinner, rattle off a list of "I don't like this and this and this. Oh, and I'm avoiding this and this as well this week." Or the people who show up to a dinner party and complain that there are peppers in the stew or mushrooms in the stroganoff.

Picky eating is a completely different animal than those who have food allergies, intolerances, or religious reasons for not eating something. I will happily accomodate any of those, and if someone is a vegetarian or vegan, I will do my best to make sure there are enough food choices for them, or ask them to bring a contribution. If I know someone is following South Beach, for example, I will do my darndest to try and make my meal diet friendly to them. I know I can't please everyone, but I do make an attempt. I don't mind someone picking an item out of their food, as long as they do so discretely. Don't make a point of showing everyone the pile of discarded peas on your plate. Just leave them there, and maybe next time I will remember to leave the peas out for you.

Being picky is not the same as limiting what you eat

Kalyn Denny — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 22:31:34 -0500

People who haven't read the original food blog posts might misinterpret my comments above. I don't mean that if you've made a choice not to eat certain things, for health reasons or philosophical/ethical ones that you're picky. I respect the right of everyone to choose what they want to eat. (Since I pretty much follow the South Beach way of eating, a lot of people might call me picky!)

What I call picky is the person who turns their nost up at a certain type of food for no reason, other than they have never tried it. People who exhibit almost reverse snobbery in preferring plain food are picky. People who expect the entire group to choose a restaurant based on their food preferences are picky. Those are the kind of picky eaters I find annoying.

Kalyn Denny
Kalyn's Kitchen

People are way more hung up on my diet choices than I am

Elisa Camahort — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 19:06:53 -0500

I've been a vegetarian for 17 years and a vegan for a month now. People make all sorts of assumptions about where I will and won't eat, and tend to pay a lot of attention to how much I eat. Sometimes it's because they care, but sometimes it's like they want to prove to me that my choice is a hassle. Well, yeah, I'm well aware it's not the easiest thing ever. That's no news flash. And it doesn't actually affect them at all. I've eaten at steakhouses perfectly happily...it's all about being flexible and being willing to ask the waiter what they would suggest. (Which apparently drives some people crazy, and I would tell them to get over themselves! If you don't have 60 seconds to spare to let me chat with the waiter, then you don't have time to go out for a meal!!)

Elisa Camahort
BlogHer and Worker Bees
elisa@blogher.org/elisa@workerbees.biz

Yeah I have Issues

Gidge — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 19:01:34 -0500

One of the things I would like to see studied or considered at some point is taste. You would think that there would be a lot of knowledge on the subject but there doesn't seem to be and it's something I'm accutely aware of since it seems to be one of my issues. Things don't taste to me the way that they "taste" to other people. At least not based on the way that people describe things to me. Fruit people will tell me is sweet seems flavorless or sometimes bitter. I think I might be one of those people who at least knows what someone means when they say something tastes like green stuff. I certainly wouldn't say it, and I'd try whatever was being served because I know that the issue is MINE.
But I've talked to doctors and they tell me that "everyone's taste buds are different" but that doesn't seem fair that many foods would make me feel nauseous just smelling them. No medical reason seems to explain it and I don't have the issue with meat.
Perhaps it's just manners that some people are lacking....or lack of adventure. I like to try new things - even things that probably fall into the category of foods I'm not going to like.....because I never know when I'm going to find something I love.
But I can say this - when given a hard time about not caring for certain foods I tend to clam up and not eat anything, because I've been embarrassed.
I don't think that we picky or childish eaters should be singled out, and I also don't think we should be exclusively catered to. If we come to your house then we should at the very least be polite enough to try the food you have prepared.
Maybe that's the bottom line issue.....manners.

You like what you like.

I envy people who love vegetables and can't get enough of them actually. You're probably skinnier and healthier than me. Mostly, they just make me want to puke.

Gidge

I'm (sometimes) vegan, so

kperfetto — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 18:18:37 -0500

I'm (sometimes) vegan, so I'm kind of a nightmare to take out to dinner, but I'll try anything as long as it didn't have a face.

The childish kind of picky, I have no patience for. Food allergies, religious beliefs, "animals are our friends"--all valid reasons for avoiding certain foods, but not--and I quote an actual adult women when confronted with an unfamiliar vegetable dish-- "Ew...it tastes like green stuff!"

Five Dollar Camera

Not picky... but particular

debra roby — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 16:58:24 -0500

I am not a picky eater. I think.

However, I have reactions to cow's milk and some to the nightshade family (especially white potatoes, but tomatoes to some extent) that occasionally limit where or what I can eat. I do try to adjust and will make a go at eating anywhere, but I find it really hard to order in many Mexican and Italian restaurants. So why do my friends insist on eating at these places? Is that my being "picky" or their being thoughtless?
Debra
A Stitch In Time
Deb's Daily Distractions

Picky or Discriminating?

Cookiecrumb — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 14:55:29 -0500

I know. Picky is childish and irksome.
I was a picky eater as a kid, but when I look back on it, I may have just been demonstrating ultra-good taste. I hated eating the fat on porkchops, even though my parents wanted me to. (I was really skinny.)
On the other hand, I was daring enough at the age of nine to order tongue, even though my parents warned me not to.
(Erm. I didn't like it.)
Guess what. I still hate eating the fat. I might have to give tongue another try. (Please, somebody: Talk me out of it!)

I have a hard time eating with people who are too picky

Kalyn Denny — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 14:36:32 -0500

I do try hard to be tolerant about people's idiosyncracies, but I once had a boyfriend who would have a fit if anyone ordered any Chinese food that was even the least bit spicy. He would claim "it hurts my mouth," something I found hard to believe. I thought he was just picky, especially since he would eat Mexican food.

Several of my siblings are unbelievably limited in their food preferences. They love to tell my brother Rand (another foodie) and I that things like Thai food (with fish sauce) and sushi are "gross."

I realize that may just be prejudice on my part, but I feel that people who have more adventurous eating habits are just generally more interesting, and I agree with Amy and Barbara that picky eaters are annoying.

Kalyn Denny
Kalyn's Kitchen

Food Fuss

sam breach — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 14:20:11 -0500

Not everyone is in agreement over the complaints about adult Picky Eaters. The conversation was started at Cooking with Amy.

The worst are people who have such a short list of foods they will eat that dining with them is practically impossible.

Barbara is equally intolerent over at Tigers & Strawberries.

And my attitude toward such adults is thisâ€“grow up and get over yourself. Or, shut up when we are at the table. Or, get therapy, you really need it.

The resulting conversations and comments are heated. Are you a fussy eater or not? What's your excuse?