BlogHer - Single During The Holiday Season - Comments

I've been single for many holiday seasons

Zandria — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 11:45:53 -0600

...and I couldn't care less what other people think about it. I totally agree with what you said -- it's sometimes easier to be single than to have to worry about somebody else (at least if that person isn't right for you...if you're happy, then, well, that's great!).

Keep Up With Me

Just Because People are Together Doesn't Mean They're Happy.

My Teenage Diary — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 14:46:23 -0600

"And more importantly (to me anyway) is the internal struggle of deciding if partnering up with someone - potentially for the rest of your life - is really the best decision for you."

Your saying this means that you're not really sure whether a long term relationship is of any interest to you. So if it's not, you shouldn't have anything to feel guilty about. If you don't want one, the guilt should fall away right now.

I suspect the store clerks made you feel like you were missing out on something being alone or that deep down you do want a long term relationship. The thing to remember is that you want the right relationship. There's no use being in a relationship that's no good for you. And believe it or not, most of those people you see aren't as happy as their walking side by side makes them look.

Good relationships are wonderful if that's what you have. But, there's nothing worst being in a bad or unfulfilling relationship. Being single and knowing a good relationship or your good life alone (if that is what you desire) is still out there is far better.

Single During The Holiday Season

lainad — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 13:00:52 -0600

Maybe it was because I just was coming from lunch with my friend who is having relationship problems, but I swear that I got a pitying look from the sales clerk at Blockbuster. Maybe I am there too often? Or is it because I am always there alone?

Okay, so there's nothing on TV right now and my nights consist of lying on the couch and playing with my cat. I'm broke, my friends are broke and I can't stand watching Christmas movies. But I swear, the look on the cashier's face made me feel guilty about renting yet another DVD to make the night go faster. When was the last time I was there? I thought. She probably thinks I'm a loser.

As my friend and I sipped our coffee at Starbucks earlier that day, she commented on how hard it was to watch happy couples, holding hands and carrying bags of presents. "When is that going to happen for us?" she complained.

But is the grass greener on the other side? While it's been awhile since I celebrated New Years with a significant other, I can't really buy into the fact that coupledom is so much better than being able to do what you want to do, when you want to do it. I don't miss the stress of trying to figure what the other person is thinking, what to buy them, if they are going to get the present that you really want, or even if they are going to call you.

According to Ruth Nicolas who wrote A survivor's guide to being single at Christmas, she points out the benefits of not having to answer to anyone but yourself. But she doesn't mention the loneliness, the social stigma - especially if you are 30+ - the insensitive questions from strangers who question your sexual preference as a response to the lack of a shiny diamond ring around your finger. And more importantly (to me anyway) is the internal struggle of deciding if partnering up with someone - potentially for the rest of your life - is really the best decision for you.