BlogHer - Why are Husbandless Women Still Considered News? - Comments

"The fact that women can

UMLawGirl07 — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 07:00:49 -0600

"The fact that women can live fulfilling lives without husbands isnâ€™t necessarily newsworthy at this point, but exploration of these other questions sure would be new news to me."

Brilliant. I couldn't agree more. I wish I had articulated these thoughts so clearly when I first saw that article. I knew something about it annoyed me, but I couldn't put my finger on it -- you've done it for me.

The changes in marriage are newsworthy

Suzanne Reisman — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 08:55:00 -0600

I agree that the shifts in marriage are newsworthy, but generally there are two people involved in a marriage. Reporting that fewer women are living with spouses is not a complete story without reporting what is going on with men, and yet I have not seen one story that covered both sides.

Suzanne, BlogHer Contributing Editor - Feminsim & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants

The Media

A Elliot — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 21:50:57 -0600

Nice post! First, gay marriage is legal in MA. I'm curious about how our state's stats would look on the issues that you've brought up. What I really dislike about the media, our society etc. is that it is cool when men are bachelors and have their bachelor pads. Think of all the TV shows and movies about men in their single guy palaces. I look at my female cousin who's single, very happy and successful. She has a beautiful apartment and goes on nice trips etc. Yet, people are always asking her if she has a boyfriend. I think it's offensive because first of all it's none of their business and second of all, that's assuming that she's straight. Somehow when she tells people about her fabulous apartment and trips, it seems like people, by which I mean her co-workers, friends and mainly my family, are almost humoring her as they wait for the day that she'll be able to talk about the wedding she's sure to be planning. It just doesn't seem as wonderful to them as my male cousin's bachelor pad and his lifestyle(her cousin as well.)

A Elliot

I wish I knew the answer to that

Zandria — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 13:05:47 -0600

I really like how you're looking at this from the perspective of "why is this news in the first place?" Women have been living as happily single for a long time, and even though it's nice to see this fact recognized as a front-page headline it's also kind of like: we could have told you that.

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why still news?

mcewen — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 10:41:29 -0600

I think it's still news because in the big scheme of things, since humans started having a social system, that's been the norm, not necessarily 'marriage' itself, but partnerships so that children could be raised in a hostile environment. Now we're so 'advanced' the social shift makes this change more or less inevitable as women's dependence on an earner diminishes and independence with children is viable [if not preferable].

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Gay "marriage" and queer statistics

askyourmother — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 10:10:26 -0600

Very interesting, we just had this conversation in our living room with 4 other "married" couples. The difference? The other 3 couples were all homosexual couples. Statistics would show these 4 women and 2 men to be single and never-married. However, their shared mortgages, health insurance, parent teacher conferences and children would beg to differ. You're right Suzanne, those statistics are but one VERY small part of the story.

The larger story is, as you pointed out, not one of people not willing or needing to get married, it is one of people not needing or willing to compromise who they are, just for the sake of a title (or some tax benefits.) Society has made progress, but the media (and government) is ALWAYS way behind.

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You're right to point out the lacking male news

Morra Aarons Mele — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 09:55:20 -0600

I never thought about the flip side, honestly. I have been brainwashed!

But I do think this is a profound cultural shift. Marriage, for centuries, has been the foundation of Western society. When married families are no longer the norm, doesnt everything else change with that?

Why are Husbandless Women Still Considered News?

Suzanne Reisman — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 08:29:18 -0600

According to the latest statistics, more American women are living without a husband than any time in the recorded past. Which probably means that, for the first time, more men are living without a wife, but since the stories are all written from the husbandless woman perspective, itâ€™s hard to say for sure. On the other hand, as A View from A Broad so excellently puts it, â€œThis time, however, there's no sob stories about how women are desperate to get married, terrorism, and so forth.â€

Shockingly, every woman quoted by The New York Times in yesterdayâ€™s front page article on the findings were happy to not be married. No one was wringing her hands about being an old hag, childless and alone forever. The best quotes in the article:

I have not sworn off marriage, but if I do wed, it will be to have a companion with whom I can travel and play parlor games in my old age. â€“ Sheila Jamison, 45

The benefits [of divorce] were completely unforeseen for meâ€¦ the free time, the amount of time I get to spend with friends, the time I have alone, which I value tremendously, the flexibility in terms of work, travel and cultural events. â€“ Shelley Fidler, 59

Marriage kind of aged me because there werenâ€™t optionsâ€¦ [she is now getting a masterâ€™s degree, something her former husband] didnâ€™t want me to do because I was more educated than he was. â€“ Elissa Terris, 59

Probably this lack of panic about being husbandless is because the accompanying chart also notes that only 25% of women have never been married. See, even if we donâ€™t currently live with a husband, itâ€™s not automatically because there never was one. In fact, the chart was very revealing. It indicates that 49% of women and 53% of men lived with a spouse in 2005. Other than whether or not they have ever been married in the first place, the biggest differences in whether men and women live with spouses are due to the death of said spouse (9% of women v. only 2% of men were widowed) and divorce (11% of women v. 9% of men). Men tend to remarry more quickly after a divorce. The really interesting fact â€“ 31% of men (versus 25% of women) have never been married â€“ is not discussed in the article at all.

The media coverage I saw finally treated women with dignity on the marriage issue, but as usual, forgot to cover the male angle, as well as non-heterosexual couples. So hereâ€™s what I would like to see: is this the first time in history that nearly half (47%) of men are living without a wife? If so, what does that mean for them? Past studies have shown that men derive more benefits from marriage than women. Has that changed over time as well as marriages have changed with the times? Whatâ€™s up with nearly one-third of men never getting married? How has marriage itself changed under these terms - more freewill to get married than compulsory marriage; second versus first marriages (and are there more of those these days than at any other time in history?)? How has increasing acceptance of homosexual couples impacted the marriage rate between men and women (i.e. â€“ do fewer homosexuals feel compelled to enter into marriages with the opposite sex)? Would more people live with a spouse if gays and lesbians were finally given the legal right to marry?

The fact that women can live fulfilling lives without husbands isnâ€™t necessarily newsworthy at this point, but exploration of these other questions sure would be new news to me.

Suzanne also asks lots of questions at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants