BlogHer - The Secret Lives of Cash Paying Wives - Comments

IT's perfectly OK with me

beverly kline — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 12:53:25 -0500

beverly@LunchHourSale.com

I always put aside a little extra cash for my "cosmetic indulgence"...I love all those skin treatments...moisturizers, lifting creams, eye and facial toners! Men don't understand why we love to shop the "many brands and compare"...so why tell them? I wouldn't call this "lying"....I just don't have to volunteer information on all my little purchases.....and my marriage is doing mighty fine!

To each his own

Miller Lodge — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 09:51:20 -0500

My husband and I split the household finances according to what we each make. Aside from that he buys what he wants and I buy what I want. Occasionally, I will give him money or he will give me money but otherwise, he doesn't explain to me why he has to have one more gun and I don't explain to him why I'm going gambling. Most people think it's pretty strange, but we don't fight about money. Now don't get me started on what a slob he is, that's a different story! I've explained to my daughter who is 15, there are no perfect men, storybook romances, Prince Charming's or happy endings. You have to find what you can live with and tolerate to live with the least amount of tension and friction in the home. That means something different to everyone. Neither me or my hubby is perfect, but I'll take the faults he has over some others I've seen any day!

I'll never live that way.

Liz Rizzo — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 16:14:31 -0600

You know, people have to do what's right for them, but I grew up in a household where my mom was constantly hiding expenditures from my dad, or charging things and then getting in trouble. As a teenage girl, I perceived it as his controlling her, and her having to sneak around like a child.

Now that I'm older, I have realized there were always two sides to that coin, or at least that it was more complicated than I perceived, but I swore then and I swear today, if I have to lie about how I'm spending my money, I'm out of that relationship. Life's too short to spend more years of it feeling like a child.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess and On The Lot.

separate is okay; secret is not

Susan Wagner — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 20:30:26 -0600

My husband and I spent a long time talking about this article when it came out; what we both found disturbing were the women who were skimming money out of the house account, by making multiple small ATM withdrawals or over writing a check at the grocery, and then hiding the cash (often in a lingere drawer) until they had enough to purchase whatever it was they wanted. It was hard to pinpoint why that kind of dishonesty was so bothersome to us, but it was.

We have a joint credit card, that we use for joint purchases; we each have a separate card that is technically for "business expenses." But often, my bill is mostly shoe shopping and my husband's is stereo equipment. We pay the bills with money that is not part of the budget for our house, but we do't hide the statements from each other.

Separate money is good, but secret money is dangerous.

BlogHer contributing editor Susan Wagner writes about fashion at Friday Style and everything else at Friday Playdate.

The Secret Lives of Cash Paying Wives

Nina Smith — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 15:06:16 -0600

Ladies, ladies, ladiesâ€¦ you continue to amaze and amuse me with your cleverness. The New York Times recently reported that women use cash as a way to hide how much they spend on personal indulgences from their husbands. Why the little white lies? Here is one womanâ€™s sentiment, â€œEven though I have my own income, paying for my shopping in cash is so much easier than having a discussion about what Iâ€™m buying.â€

Kim at Thoughts and Musings reflected on this topic:

Surely I canâ€™t answer for everyone, but Iâ€™d say most women conceal some purchases from their spouses. Theyâ€™re not Louis Vuitton bags, but little things - other purses and bags, shoes, frozen pizzas. That sort of thing.

The â€œwhyâ€ is pretty simple. For all their positive attributes, men just donâ€™t get why one might need more than one bag or one black pair of shoes. And for all of our positive attributes, most women I know think we should be eating salads all the time...the thought that someone might discover our Freschetta stash in the back of the freezer is horrifying.

Susie at What Would Susie Do adds her spin:

Havenâ€™t we all been here? Whether weâ€™ve hidden it from the spouse, the boyfriend, the mom (eek!), I think most people have done this! If not, try it, itâ€™s kind of thrilling!

A blog called I Agree With Me and written by a woman in Northern California who has been married for 21 years offers her own workable solution:

So what is a girl to do? Get your own money honey. Just ask for your own account - your own - it is your right - you pay your own bills for fluff stuff, and you get it replenished no questions asked every month - automatic - are you good with that? I am. Of course the spouse is going to say: But you can do whatever you want. I never say you canâ€™t do anything you want. So why do you need your own account? Donâ€™t fall for it girls. Just tell him - I want it - it gives me a feeling of independence, and it is that feeling I want. The realities have nothing to do with it. Just want that feeling.

But the writer at Secretly Ironic has a different view about women spending money in cash to avoid having to discuss it with their husbands:

Yes, some people do that. No, itâ€™s not OK. Itâ€™s lying. The only way this is OK is if you have more than enough money for everything, AND you both agree that certain expenditures are not discussed. But only one couple who does it that way is mentioned: â€œShe buys a lot of shoes, I go to Atlantic City, but thatâ€™s OK, we can afford it.â€

And finally, after posting excerpts from the article, ShoppingBlog.com concludes:

Weâ€™d stay and discuss this more but weâ€™ve got to hit the ATM before Bergdorfâ€™s closes.

Ok, BlogHer wivesâ€¦ anyone care to share your thoughts about secret greenback lives?

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Nina Smith also blogs about money at Queercents.