BlogHer - Tributes for Mothers: A (re)definition - Comments

Like a Mom

Mata H — Sat, 12 May 2007 15:34:30 -0500

Here is my link to my blog entry about "Other Mothers" as you requested...great idea!

--Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs relentlessly at Time's Fool

This is food for thought and

margalite — Fri, 11 May 2007 22:16:00 -0500

This is food for thought --- and time for action.

I'll have to choose who to spend time sharing about here, but I will not mention some special aunts, older friends etc. (for the last 27 years, my closest family was 2 days drive away, so one particular older friend meant a lot).

I am blessed by a really caring 84 year old mother, whose beginnings were so tough, and maybe that is why she is both so wise and so tender. I care for her now, and that is the beautiful balance of Life.

I have rich memories of her mother, my Nanna, a classical Grandmother, of courage, fortitude and boundless Love, bringing her family and siblings through tough times.

And my paternal Gram, who is definitely an inspiration, even though half the world separated me from her. I only met her for about 4 months when I was 11. She bore the most wonderful father anyone could have and let him see that it was alright to be both courageous and tender, and always respectful of women. All this at a time, when none of this was a "given".

Gram walked out of Poland-Russia with a 2 year old --- yes, walked to the coast of Germany. When I think of her 4 feet 9 inches, bright mind and twinkling eyes, I thank her for showing me what I am made of, and that has brought me through really tough times.

Mmmm. Lots more to remember. That remembering takes us far beyond the greeting-card thing. I hope I have inspired my own child and that will truly make me happy.

Best to all ---
Margalite

P.S. Please visit me at: http://diabetesdietdialogue.wordpress.com
"Everyone knows someone who needs this information!" (TM)

Terrific topic

Dawn Sloan Downes — Mon, 07 May 2007 07:18:42 -0500

I plan to write more about this and will link back here. My problem is who and what to write about because this topic is so close to home with me. My own mother and I had a strained relationship that we were trying to fix when she died; I've lost two children of my own. One of my dear friends lost a baby just two weeks ago to SIDS. Mothering is, perhaps the most beautiful of blessings, and the most painful.

I Wrote a Painful Post Last Night

Karen Rani — Fri, 04 May 2007 06:28:04 -0500

Next steps include thanking other women in my life who played the role of Mother for me. But here is the beginning of my Mother's Day posts.

Karen

--
Troll Baby | Motherless | Swank Web Style

Excellent Post

Slurping Life — Fri, 04 May 2007 01:33:41 -0500

Melody
http://slurpinglife.typepad.com/

As a mom by biology and by adoption, I appreciate your post from several viewpoints. My children were adopted from abusive families, but nonetheless I say a prayer of thanks for the birth mothers daily. For they gave me my three younger sons.

I'm going to attempt to get a post up next week. I assume we should post a comment here with the link? Right?

Great idea and wonderful post, Jenn

Nordette — Fri, 04 May 2007 00:42:31 -0500

You know, I'd written quite a comment, sharing about my mother's experience with losing children before I and my brother were born, more about a friend who's been a wonderful aunt but who at one point shared with me the pain she felt not having children of her own. I decided to delete that and simply say, great idea and wonderful post, Jenn. That's really all I wanted to say by sharing the information. :-)

"Love is liquid. Brew and be drunkards!" ~~Nordette And here's a link to the blog.

such a fine post

Mata H — Thu, 03 May 2007 23:36:13 -0500

Jenn, thanks again for agreeing to x-ref this to Religion and Spirituality. I'll post a link to my own blog's MD comments when they are up.

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs relentlessly at Time's Fool

Tributes for Mothers: A (re)definition

Jennifer Satterwhite — Thu, 03 May 2007 20:41:39 -0500

May. Brings to mind May flowers and...Mother's Day. For a large portion of the population, Mother's Day is a great day to either celebrate your Mom or be celebrated as a Mom.

When Mother's Day comes around, there are some women who are not among the celebrating masses. There are some women they just don't make a Hallmark card for. I think about them this time of year...every single year.

Basically, there are many people who are not the traditional Moms that will celebrate in the way the card companies and florists would have you believe. Moms come in all shapes and sizes. Married or single. Old or young. Moms of many children or those longing for just one. Women who have lost children or given them away for a better life. People who have no Mom they can celebrate with. Men who live the role of both Mom and Dad.

In today's world there is no cookie cutter version of a "typical" Mom. But I am more than willing to bet that every one of us can think of a person in their life who has been like a mother to them. (Even the man who has stepped in and been both mother and father to his children.) Whether it is a neighbor, an aunt, a friend, a sister, a grandmother etc. I imagine even if you do fall into the category of the "normal" situation, you, too, can think of someone in your life who has been like a mother to you over the years.

As much as the marketing world would like us all to think that there is a standard version of mothers who celebrate Mother's Day, the truth of the matter is there are way too many women who do not fit into this cookie cutter mold that is so convenient. Here are only a few examples.

When we lost our first son in April of '92, it was followed by an excruciating Mother's Day just a month later. I had no idea where I fit in. I was pregnant. I gave birth to a son. I had no baby with me. Was I a Mom? In my heart, of course I was. I just didn't feel like celebrating. There certainly wasn't a card for my kind of Mother's Day. The next year, I was pregnant with my now teenager. I was still so very scared, so I pretended that it wasn't Mother's Day. There is no card that says "Happy Un-Mother's Day! Hope you enjoy ignoring the day!" So, 2 years after I had originally planned, I celebrated my first mother's day like the "other Regular Moms." I got the Hallmark card that year.

There isn't a Mother's Day that goes by that I don't think about and silently thank the birth mothers of my brother and sister. Did I ever tell you they were adopted? I imagine the women who gave birth to them struggled through more than one Mother's Day. I think about their sacrifice. Are they mothers? They gave birth. They had children. I don't think there is a Hallmark card for them either. But their sacrifice touches more lives everyday than they will ever know. I am more thankful than I know how to express. They are special mothers. I am thinking of them.

I have close friends who are struggling with fertility problems. They want more than anything to celebrate Mother's Day with a child of their own. To get one of those Hallmark cards like the "Regular Moms." Mothers Day can be a painful day.

There are moms whose children are grown up and moved away. They hope their children remember them this year. They long for the days when their children were little and driving them crazy. They miss the chaos. They would give anything to be with them on Mother's Day.

I have a dear friend whose two-year old son died just after his second birthday, just a month before Mother's Day. She has two other children, but I imagine the pain of the child that was not with her anymore is more than she knows what to do with on this day.

And of course you have the other group of people whose Mother has died and they are lost as to what to do with this holiday that celebrates their Moms. They want more than anything to just be able to talk to their Mom on this day. Or what about the people whose mother is alive and kicking but the relationship is so strained they cannot imagine speaking to them let alone wishing them a Happy Mother's Day.

So, what is the point of all of this?

Here is what I would like you to do as we approach this Mother's Day. Think of a person that you would like to pay tribute to--someone you would like to share with us and tell us how they have been a blessing in your life. Whether it is a person who was "like a mom to you" or a story about your own mom, we want to hear your tributes to these amazing people who have touched your life.

If you have a blog, post a tribute to this person. Tell the rest of us how they have touched your life in a way that has changed you or helped you. Let us know in the comments if you post a tribute on your blog. Now, if you don't have a blog of your own, share with us your story of this person right here.

I have to give kudos to the person who originally made the statement MOTHER IS A VERB. It is brilliant. "Mother" is not necessarily a person. Tell us about the real person in your life who has been like a mother to you, the person who has demonstrated the "verb" mother to you.

Around Mother's Day I will go through your posts and your comments and create a giant round-up entry. Remember that something you may have to share with the rest of us just might be the one thing that another person needs to read.

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BlogHer Contributing Editor Jenn Satterwhite also blogs at Mommy Needs Coffee, Mommybloggers and Aggroqueen.