BlogHer - Breaking the Mammogram Waiting Room Code of Silence - Comments

I think it's the fear

keyster94 — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 19:28:23 -0500

I had my first mammogram last week and it was also a diagnostic.

I wondered why nobody was talking either. I know other waiting rooms have chatter, but it was silent. I figured it was the fear.

The fear of the mammogram and the fear of the results.

I saw quite a few people bring buddies. The trouble at the center I went to was that the buddies could only sit in the outer waiting area. Once you were called back to change and then wait for the mammogram, you stayed back there. I was back there for over an hour between all the test before seeing the doctor at the end.

I felt bad for the buddies sitting out there all that time.

~Kelly

http://www.30somethingandsearching.today.com/<

I think this is an important

margalite — Fri, 11 May 2007 21:40:21 -0500

I think this is an important topic and I am glad you spoke about it Catherine.

In the United States, isolation is becoming more and more the rule, but I am old enough (61 yesterday) to remember another time and another way as well as have the courage to recreate such a society, for that is the only way to recover what we lost --- a real sense of community on a moment to moment basis.

I do make an effort to get people to open up, and if I succeed, what Catherine describes usually happens. If someone doesn't respond, that's rare and that's their choice.

I don't think these things need be idle chatter, but can be anything above that --- whatever is heart-warming. All hearts need to be warmed, and it's simple to do.

I have lived in many societies, and the taboos that create isolation in the West have become more prevalent over the decades. They are less existent still elsewhere.

I think this is a good fight to join. We do not generally thrive in societal isolation, just as we can often do our best thinking when we are alone.

We need BOTH venues to thrive and with families so estranged by choice --- distance or otherwise, then societal behavior often is the substitute glue we need.

It should always be an option to speak to those you don't know. I live in a "friendly" part of the USA and that is such a relief. It is not strange behavior here, even though it is a major metro area. There's hope.

Best to all ---
Margalite

P.S. Please visit me at: http://diabetesdietdialogue.wordpress.com
"Everyone knows someone who needs this information!" (TM)

I agree...

Catherine Morgan — Tue, 08 May 2007 20:33:48 -0500

I agree, most waiting rooms don't have much to be desired. Although, my mammogram waiting room always has cookies and coffee...that's better than most other waiting rooms I've been in. The odd thing about this waiting room is; When you first come in there is a large, plush, beautiful waiting room (with leather over-sized sofas and chairs, more masculine but almost as nice as a hotel lobby). But, if you are there for a mammogram you get directed to another waiting room...and that is the small, uncomfortable, not plush room (but with cookies).

Catherine Morgan
Women 4 Hope and Be The Change You Want To See In Yourself

I wish I had a buddy...

Catherine Morgan — Tue, 08 May 2007 19:56:11 -0500

I love the idea of bringing a buddy to not only a mammogram appointment, but also all doctor appointments. I can really see how having someone with you can reduce the stress of it all. For me though, it's not really an option...I'm new to the area I live, and really don't have anyone that could be my "buddy"...But I still think it's a great idea.

Catherine Morgan
Women 4 Hope and Be The Change You Want To See In Yourself

i always bring someone

laurie — Tue, 08 May 2007 19:21:33 -0500

To every treatment, every test, every appointment with a doc. And yes, we sometimes chat (but we try and keep our voices down and respect others' space). I bring my knitting, too. These things help distract me and cut through that awful waiting room anxiety (and boredom).

Waiting rooms are such bizarre places. The fear and anxiety can be palpable. It sounds like you did the right thing, in your situation, Catherine but I take Denise's point, too. Some days I am quite open to waiting room chat and others, I want only to be left alone. This is where having someone with me who takes my lead comes in handy.

laurie
www.notjustaboutcancer.blogspot.com

I have waiting room issues....

Denise — Tue, 08 May 2007 17:31:05 -0500

Very few waiting rooms are what they SHOULD be. I love the waiting room at my partner's GI doctor. It's not overly bright, the chairs are comfortable and not packed on top of each other.

There's one waiting room in the hospital that I like for a similar reason but generally they are too bright, too loud and overpacked with people.

I have high waiting room standards, ;-)

~Denise
Fast Times @ Homeschool High & Flamingo House Happenings

I'm with you

Denise — Tue, 08 May 2007 17:28:20 -0500

I like the buddy idea quite a bit - the buddy I'd choose would know I didn't want to chat, just wanted someone to hang out with me. :-)

~Denise
Fast Times @ Homeschool High & Flamingo House Happenings

Taking a buddy along is a great idea.

Catherine Morgan — Tue, 08 May 2007 10:11:24 -0500

Taking a buddy along is also a great idea. As far as the waiting room...I can't speak to all waiting rooms in America, but I have never been to one that sounds like what you are saying you have in Germany...but it does sound nice.

Catherine Morgan
Women 4 Hope and Be The Change You Want To See In Yourself

I can understand how you feel...

Catherine Morgan — Tue, 08 May 2007 09:54:25 -0500

I can understand how you feel about preferring peace and quiet. I guess for me the quite I felt in the mammogram waiting room wasn't calm or peaceful...it felt to me like an uncomfortable, nervous quite. But, I totally get that this idea isn't for everyone...If you can't make this party, I'll keep you in mind for other parties (unrelated to mammogram waiting rooms of course).

Catherine Morgan
Women 4 Hope and Be The Change You Want To See In Yourself

Take a Buddy Along

Lia — Tue, 08 May 2007 08:29:16 -0500

Iâ€™m going for my yearly mammogram in a few days time and so reading your post transported me forward in time.

I donâ€™t know if you have a choice of where you get your examination done, but Iâ€™ve chosen to go to a radiology practice that doesnâ€™t have a waiting room. It has a waiting area integrated into an open office (reception desk, doors to various examination rooms), where the doctors and technicians come in and out from their offices to pick up and escort the patients to their examination or therapy, transfer files and x-rays from one place to another, talk to other colleagues in passing; and just generally present an efficient, calm, social, working atmosphere.

This type of social inner architecture is common in hospitals and doctor practices in Germany and Netherlands. Do you know of anything like it in your area? It has been proven to make patients feel less isolated with their illnesses and fears.

I also ask a good friend or my husband to accompany me on my yearly appointment. We donâ€™t necessarily talk while sitting in the waiting area, but just having them sit near me while waiting is a great help. We always go out for a lovely lunch afterwards. In the same manner, I accompany them when they have to go to examinations or treatment they find psychologically stressful. A buddy system works...

lia from luebeck, germany

Author of the media safe 101 page on the Red Tent Blog and the personal yum yum cafe

Ugh

Denise — Tue, 08 May 2007 06:16:26 -0500

I'm not going to debate the opinion that we all need those "yearly" mamograms for "early detection", no time for that this morning. I will however jump in and say NO please DON'T start talking in the waiting room! Heh. :-)

I really really dislike waiting room chatter. Unless we are chattering with tiny children or nervous teens in a women's health clinic, I prefer the waiting room to be calm and peaceful and quiet. Women talking in the waiting room won't reduce my stress or anxiety - it will increase it, so I will have to step away.

Just remember, not everyone finds waiting room girl talk soothing and please don't hold it against me if I excuse myself from your waiting room party. It's nothing personal. I just need the quiet. :-)

~Denise
Fast Times @ Homeschool High & Flamingo House Happenings

Breaking the Mammogram Waiting Room Code of Silence

Catherine Morgan — Tue, 08 May 2007 01:23:52 -0500

We all know that we need to get our yearly mammogram. None of us â€œwantâ€ to get it, but we get it anyway because we know how important early detection is in the treatment of breast cancer. However, there is something that most of us donâ€™t do when we go to get our mammogram that I think we should be doing, something that the doctors and technicians donâ€™t tell us to do. Iâ€™ll warn you now...this may be hard for some.

Let me start off by telling you that I had my mammogram recently, it was what they call a â€œdiagnosticâ€ mammogram, as opposed to the normal yearly â€œroutineâ€ mammogram. You get a diagnostic mammogram when they find something that doesnâ€™t appear normal...At this point it is still more likely than not that you don't have cancer, but it could turn out that you do. I know cancer is a scary word, but we really need to get over it. Cancer is not a four letter word that we canâ€™t talk about, in fact we actually need to talk about it. Because, the more we talk about it, and the more we understand itâ€¦the less scary â€œitâ€ will be. Like everything in life - Knowledge is power.

So, letâ€™s get back to my mammogram. I was sitting in the waiting room...Did you ever get in an elevator with four or five other people and feel uncomfortable by the total silence? Well that is kind of what it is like in most mammogram waiting rooms, only we are there for much longer than the standard elevator trip. This was my forth visit to this particular waiting room, in a year. Each time between two and eight other women would be sitting there in various stages of the process of getting a mammogram. You knowâ€¦Some fully dressed with forms to give to the technician, some waiting in their little hospital gowns for the technician to give them their mammogram, and some waiting for the doctor to say it is o.k. to leave or that they need more films. Itâ€™s an eclectic group to say the least, and for some reason we all just sit in silence. Why is that? We may not have anything in common besides getting a mammogram that particular day, but we are all womenâ€¦Why donâ€™t we talk to each-other?

The last time I had been in this waiting room, I was feeling really stressed and scared. I would have loved it if even just one of the women would have talked to me. Not about the mammogram really, just about anything at all, just to pass the time. Even so, this time when I went in, I had no intention of breaking the â€œcode of silenceâ€. But, I happened to have a cough, and I wanted the other women (in this somewhat small area) to know that I wasnâ€™t sick, that it was just my asthma acting up. You know how it is now-a-days, we donâ€™t want to be too close to anyone who might be â€œcontagiousâ€. In this case especially, since we could be in a room where someone might be getting treatment for cancer already, and their immune system could be compromised. So, I did it. I spoke. I told the four or five women in the waiting room the reason I was coughing. Essentially, breaking the ice.

A few moments later I noticed the woman across from me was wearing a very pretty pair of shoes. So, I just came right out and told her that I thought so. Then the woman with nice shoes and I began to talk, and before I knew itâ€¦all of the women in the waiting room were making small-talk with one another. For the next hour or so women were coming and going, and all were being engaged in some sort of communication with each other. I even found out the proper way to cook Mahi Mahi, and I had been wanting to know that for some time (really). Anyway, we talked, we laughed, we cried (well, we didnâ€™t really cry), we had our boobs squished (yup), and passed the time in a more interesting and less uncomfortable way than usual.

That brings me to THE ONE THING WE NEED TO START DOING WHEN WE GO TO GET OUR YEARLY MAMMOGRAM. We need to start talking to each other. We need to get to know the woman sitting next to us in the waiting room, even if it is just for a few minutes. It will make the time pass more quickly, and maybe reduce our stress and anxiety too, or the stress and anxiety of another. Either way, it's better than just sitting there in uncomfortable silence.

So, give it a try...kindness is contagious. And let me know how it works out for you. Spread the word that it is now o.k. to talk to women in the mammogram waiting room. And if you are really daringâ€¦try talking to someone in the elevator too!

Also see: Blogging Our Health -- Breast Cancer and Beyond

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan
also at Women 4 Hope and CatherineBlogs.com