Wine-in-a-box and other clues that (s)he's the one

Lisa Stone — Wed, 16 May 2007 22:35:26 -0500

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May 16, 2007

Hi everyone,

Intermixed with questions about birds, bees and bodily plumbing, my 11-year-old recently veered into new territory: When to pop the question.

"How do you know if someone is The One?" he asked.

"The One?" I asked.

"Like, marriage," he said. "The One."

How do you answer a question like that? Especially when you've met (gong please) The One TWICE, as I have?

I chose honesty -- with a PG rating, natch. And so it passed that I told him about the grocery-store test.

The Grocery Store Test is very simple:

Am I willing, or even excited, to go to the grocery store with and for this person for the rest of our days?

Is my beloved the type of unflappable person who will agree to purchase feminine protection, birth control and Depends, life-stage and budget permitting, without embarassment or apology or me begging?

Will my beloved understand my need to buy wine-in-a-box or the equivalent least-expensive option whenever and wherever we can, even in good times and we can afford better, because we know the value of a dollar and we're saving for that fab voyage to (fill in exotic destination here) plus braces?

Voila - I bragged to my son -- a test that combines my financial values (price before anything) with drone-level household drudgery and adds a dollop of compassion (the tampons, hello). This test has never failed me, I assured him (I wasn't divorced because of financial tension, after all.) Hey, I said, I read Nordette's post about making sure I fully understand my financial situation. I'm empowered!

Wrong.

Turns out this mom was wrong -- it was dumb luck that my test worked. Because I didn't even scratch the surface of the questions written by Nina Smith, BlogHer's contributing editor for personal finance and an expert on the subject. I recently asked her what questions she recommends people suss out if they're going to play house together, and Nina's answers blow my obsession with the frozen-food aisle away. In her answering post, Money and Mates: Compatibility Factor, Nina opens with a quote that says it all:

â€œLove does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.â€ â€“ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

...and then ze interrogazione begins. Here are five of the 20 questions Nina posted on BlogHer:

Do you have a credit card? If so, do you have more than one?
Do you sometimes buy things that you donâ€™t need? If so, give some examples.
Did your parents give you an allowance?
How much? What did you use it for?
Have you ever been in debt?
â€¦. And the list goes on.

But wait - she's just getting started. Are you a Spender, an Avoider, a Hoarder or an Amasser? Nina can help you find out -- and if you think these questions are too easy, try the 148 questions in her other post, Money as a Second Language. They're painful -- and I love them. And not just because the last question redeems my own emphasis on my weekly eye-rolling visit to the cereal aisle:

Is it OK to bring children to the market or the department store?

So tell me -- is money as important to a relationship as I think it is and as I warned my son it can be?

What do you advise about money and couples? What question is Nina missing if any? Have you embraced Nordette's call to empowerment?

I'd love to know ... please post a link to anything you've written.

Now, where is my box opener...

Best,
Lisa

Lisa Stone is a BlogHer Co-founder. Her personal blog is Surfette.

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Wine-in-a-box and other clues that (s)he's the one