BlogHer - Is it ever acceptable to be abusive in a comments box? - Comments

Patrolling the Chaos

Ndelible — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 21:52:12 -0500

In comments section, I think it is the Blogher's responsibility to police the comments. Either delete the abusive comments or set the commenter straight. If the Blogher allows it to continue - and sometimes it's commenters attacking other commenters, it seems to condone the attacking.

I started my own blog because I was beat up in a comments section for some pretty positive comments. Some blogs do become discussion forums that way. Drove me from the blog, even though I had no beef with the blog itself.

May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
Ndel's World

Tish, I agree with what

barefoot — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 17:42:52 -0500

Tish,
I agree with what you're saying... some people may not know how to make their point or break the ice. I don't have any experience but I'm planning on deleting only the very abusive comments. Lucky me I only have spam to contend with!

http://barefootbooksmaine.com
http://mainemamas.com
http://pajamamom.com
http://steepingbeauty.com

I have a comment policy. I

Stacie2007 — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 19:53:24 -0500

I have a comment policy. I don't approve spam, but I approve any other comment. I have had to tell someone who was getting into it with a regular reader that she needed to stop the ad hominem attacks and keep to the topic at hand or any further comments would be deleted. She stopped commenting.

http://twinkies.bastetweb.com

Troll Vs Idiot?

sarcasticjournalist — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 09:50:21 -0500

I've had some pretty "normal" people become complete and absolute nasty jerks in comments and, often, it is for no reason other than they had a bad day and decided I pushed their buttons.

I totally get a bad day and taking it out in comments. But the second that moves into personal attacks against me or my family, you better watch it.

I've also filed charges against a cyberstalker who seemed to enjoy leaving comments with all my personal information and that of my husband in comments for Google to find.

Rudness (sometimes) happens...

Tish G — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:12:20 -0500

Before we start calling *everyone* who leaves a rude or nasty comment a troll, let's take a step back and consider this: sometimes these are people who legitimately disagree with what we are saying, but let their emotions get away from them. Also, some folks just have a weird way of breaking the ice and leave weird comments.

We shouldn't always be in lock-step agreement with one another in our comments. People can disagree with us, and we should feel that we can disagree with others *without* fear of being labelled a "troll."

Further, there are particular patterns to trolls--false identities, scatalogical speech patterns, and a number of things that, once you have experience in the realm of online communication, you'll be able to pick up pretty quickly and easily. (it takes awhile to discern the fake identity thing, but believe me, after awhile your eye gets pretty well-trained to spot this.)

As for deleting--it's your blog, your space, and you make the rules. You can indeed delete nasty comments. But before you do so, take a step back, de-fuse your own emotions and see if there's anything of value in those comments.

How do I know? In '06 I got royally hosed with bad comments on one of my blogs because I doubted the significance of a particular female political pundit. I letf the comments up because I didn't want to be accused of not being able to take it (something that's of vital importance when blogging around males--you've got to be tough) It scared the crap out of me at first, but after venting to a bunch of friends, and losing a night's sleep, I dealt with it. I moderated comments for a short time and was fine after that.

Now, even if someone disagrees, it doesn't bother me. If the attacks were personal--about my appearance or something--then they might bother me and I'd be inclined to delete them. Personal attacks are like icky viagra-link spam. just get rid of them!

Tish Grier
blogger/consultant/writer
currently with Assignment Zero--blogging at
the Constant Observer and Love and Hope and Sex and Dreams

Shun trolls

Lisa Stone — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 08:51:21 -0500

I agree with sarcasticjournalist. Shun trolls, don't feed them. Unless they're violating cyberstalking laws and you can (and should) report them. I wrote a couple pieces about this in the past year with some links that may help:

What do you do when you're cyberstalked, taunted or abused online?
Hating Hate Speech: Safety for Kathy Sierra and all women online

I'm sorry you've had this experience, but I'm glad you started this thread -- helps to know we're not alone!

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette

Ignore. Delete. Do both.

sarcasticjournalist — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 23:14:54 -0500

I've received enough hate mail and hate comments to fill a book. My advice is to delete and ignore.

And yes, it does suck. And it hurts. But really...in two weeks, two months, two years....will it really matter that some Schmo from Idaho said you were (fill in blank)?

Probably not, though some of the real good nasty comments can stick for awhile.

Depends

nelle2nelle — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 08:41:55 -0500

on the post itself, what I've written on, the intent, etc. In one case, it was my intent to take something off a message board I host, give this rather disruptive but sometimes insightful poster a chance to state his grievance, all in the hopes of reaching a way to move forward.

In that case, I let everything fly.

In other case, someone was trying to provoke me by challenging my womanhood. Let that stand as well...

but the one I did remove was actually by someone I know, who didn't much care that I was not drawing them close and tight as a friend. It came out of the blue, seemed a bit audacious, left me more than a bit miffed.

nelle

Rude Comments

Mama Zen — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 08:20:35 -0500

I've been pretty lucky: only a couple of rude comments left on my blog. In both cases, I politely responded to the point the comment was making (despite the rudeness). If they had just been rude with no point to debate, I would have probably deleted them.

www.thezenofmotherhood.blogspot.com

Blog Comment Policy

Megan Smith — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 09:49:26 -0500

Hi Kperfetto,

I think your comment policy is great and very reasonable. As a couple of people commented on your blog, I may have to steal it as well. :)

I agree with everyone who's said that the blogger has the right to filter comments if they are abusive or excessively rude. There's no excuse for that kind of stuff and I definitely reserve the right to delete.

On a related issue, I have no problem with people disagreeing with me, but what makes me crazy is when they comment on something I never wrote! People sometimes read a post, but somehow they don't digest a post.

I love when someone can tell me something new about a topic when they comment, but at least comment on what I wrote.

Megan
www.megansminute.com

I feel like a hypocrite for posting this

kperfetto — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 09:14:42 -0500

I wanted to mention this last night (and considering this is relevant to the topic, I think this is okay), but I actually implemented a comment policy.

Of course, I feel like I'm breaking my own rules. (But with forums, it's easy to pick up on what's acceptable, even expected -- like having a link to one's blog in her sig. line is okay here.)

I know I'm a little strict, but some of that is to spare me a little time going through the "non-spam, yet still questionable" comments.

Five Dollar Camera

Hypnotizing Chickens

Sorry

Misssy M — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 08:07:46 -0500

For someone who's upset at being criticised by an abusive commenter as being illiterate, I have sure made a hell of a lot of typos on that last comment! You get my jist...

My Blog My rules

Misssy M — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 07:43:30 -0500

I agree with all that's been said. I got my first ever abusive comment yesterday on a blog I wrote about being unapologetic for getting the time of I do as a teacher. It was very tongue in cheek. I thought it was funny. All comments were lovely except this one guy who came over and trashed me for thinking I as great and being better than everyone else- he also made a thily veiled accusation of me being illiterate.

Well it is MY blog- I won't have that!. I was a bit upset for an hour or so- as you say I felt like someone had come into my house and been nasty to me. You're so right- a blog is not a forum and people should be respectful when they are in someone else's house. Never say something on the internet to someone that you wouldn't say to their face, is my motto.

See the post: was i being over sensitive- the horrible comment is obvious but in case you are wondering , look our for the words of the nasty Mr H. Some might bot see it as abuse, but it was certainly a bit nasty.

http://misssymartin.blogspot.com/2007/07/gloating-night-away.html

My Blog, My Rules..Momma ain't havin' it

Lovebabz — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:27:27 -0500

I have yet to get a nasty comment on my blog. But rest assured I am not putting up with that. Yeah I am for free speech...just not on my blog. If I don't like it and its mean and nasty, off it goes--banished. My kids don't get to trash talk me and neither will a stranger in cyber-space no less. Feel passionately all you want on your blog. Now I love witty banter and a hot debate and a few cuss words---I love cuss words used in the right context...I digress. I think you can draw the line. And I think kperfetto's comment was right on the money--if your not comfortable delete it. Don't insult me and then think I am going to give you a platform to talk trash about me. Can you tell I feel strongly about this...Jinkees!

Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com
my journal. my life. my transformation.

Love,
Babz

I didn't approve a comment

kperfetto — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 20:48:53 -0500

I didn't approve a comment yesterday that although it wasn't abusive, it was kind of immature and snotty. I felt bad for about a minute.

I hate bringing up the blogs vs forums thing, but I've been on boards much longer than I've been blogging, and you come to expect some sparring. Blogs are different. It's more like being a guest in someone's home than hanging out at a pub.

Bottom line: if you're not comfortable with it, delete it.

Five Dollar Camera

Hypnotizing Chickens

Is it ever acceptable to be abusive in a comments box?

Misssy M — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 09:02:29 -0500

Just had my first ever abusive comment. In fact it wasn't even abusive, it was just rude and nasty. Would like to know how others have dealt with fly-by-night cretins in the comments box.