BlogHer - What do you really mean when you say you are networking? - Comments

Networking's bad rap...

Robin Ogden — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 00:36:52 -0500

Thanks for the post, Elana.

Networking is such and incredible tool and it really does get a bad rap due to all of the 'one way' networking and 'pushy sales' that can stem from it. I want to also put my vote in for eWomen Network (mentioned by Tish) - an organization built around teaching members the true art of networking. I've been a memeber for nearly 2 years and am completely energized by their way of connecting and building networks. You can check them out here http://www.ewomennetwork.com they have chapters all over the US.

Coming from the 'career development' marketplace, I often talk to people about the 'care and feeding' of their networks and remind them that the #1 mistake of networking is approaching it as 'how can someone fill my need' instead of just the opposite - how can you fill a need or provide a resource. Effective networking is the key to obtaining new opportunities and as I always like to point out to clients - 80% of the job seekers find their next opportunity via networking, not job ads or job boards.

Ok - I'll get off my networking horse, but thanks for keeping the flame burning on how many things can blossom when you approach networking from a way to give vs. a way to 'get' (the old saying "you get what you give").

Robin Ogden
http://www.firedupcareers.com

So much to learn and so many new rules.

juliaward — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 11:31:20 -0500

This article and resulting comments have given me some great information and a starting point for networking as I begin to reinvent myself as a writer after an injury last year.

I was astounded at how much networking has changed and not changed with advances in technology and what seems to be our regressing social skills. Seems like the more technology we invent the fewer social skills we retain. Maybe technology just makes it too easy to be cheeky and troll through the internet neighborhood.

Great article!

blessings,
julia

http://juliaward.typepad.com/a_blinding_heart/

Gracious, I had no idea!

Elana Centor — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:48:27 -0500

In thinking about networking I never connected any dots to hurt feelings or perceived Blogher hierarchy. While I don't want to minimize that some people may have felt slighted or that the conference didn't meet all of their personal expectations, I'm not sure that those are issues that fall under this discussion about networking.

Each of us have our own reasons for attending a conference like Blogher. Depending on those reasons Blogher was either a fabulous experience or it may have missed your personal needs.

I hope that the people who are disappointed share their thoughts and solutions for how to improve to improve the experience.

To me the networking was just one part of the conference. For me, the networking was not my primary reason for attending and I believe given the sessions, tracks and multiple shared learning that was available, that the Blogher conference was created that networking was an important by side benefit of being there.

If a lot of attendees want there to be more opportunities to network in the traditional sense then perhaps there could bea separate track devoted to networking where activities on networking can be explored and exploited.

Just a thought.

elana
Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

I am not sure I buy it's a woman thing

Elisa Camahort — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 13:18:28 -0500

In my experience, networking etiquette has been abused at the hands of men at LEAST as often as at the hands of women.

I wrote a post about networking several years ago during the nadir of the Silicon Valley bust that reinforces Tish's point above

Key excerpt:
"My definition of the purpose of networking: to connect two or more parties for their mutual benefit, with the understanding that you may not be one of the parties, and the benefit may not occur now."

I get spam and specious connection requests from both men and women, and men as much as women seem to hold unrealistic expectations about how I should respond to such requests.

If anything, I MIGHT be willing to say that women seem less likely to do the networking they could do...but not that they do more of it badly :)

Elisa Camahort
BlogHer
elisa@blogher.org

Blame nurture...or nature...or nursery school

ByJane — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 13:17:53 -0500

I think Carol Gilligan et al would have a lot to say about this:

"Many of the commenters on the posts I read in this vein blame women en masse for the hurt feelings. As in, this kind of clique-ishness is just what happens when you get a bunch of women together. WTF??? What kind of skewed, self-hating attitude is that? Why does networking become something Machivellian and scheming when applied to a conference of women?"

Maybe the answer is to confront it head on, rather than deny or decry it. This is the way we are. How can we use it to our best advantage? How can we avoid it sabotaging us? Maybe we need a Meditation Room at Blogher08.

By Jane
ByJane.blogspot.com

Blame nurture...or nature...or nursery school

ByJane — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:59:50 -0500

I think Carol Gilligan et al would have a lot to say about this:

"Many of the commenters on the posts I read in this vein blame women en masse for the hurt feelings. As in, this kind of clique-ishness is just what happens when you get a bunch of women together. WTF??? What kind of skewed, self-hating attitude is that? Why does networking become something Machivellian and scheming when applied to a conference of women?"

By Jane
ByJane.blogspot.com

networking at Blogher 07

kyranp — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:38:40 -0500

Elana,

I'm sorry the link is not working. This is the only aspect of the new site design I am really unhappy with. Topics initiated by non-editors are so much less visible than before. You have to know something has been posted in order to know to go find it and comment on it. Catch-22. Anyway, for what it's worth, I will repost my blogher post (with a comment) below.

The suggestion for a networking orientation came from a Notes to Self reader. I don't have her permission to reproduce it here, but you can read it under comments at http://www.notestoself.us/2007/08/and-another-thing.html

**************************************************

Although I have a category for blogging about blogging (I call it "Streaking the Quad") I try to use it sparingly. It quickly gets a little like like the kid on the cereal box holding a cereal box with a kid on the cereal box. Know what I mean?

I said that last week's Blogher '07 wrap up post would be the last space given over to the conference on Notes to Self, and I meant it.

But then I discovered that some conference attendees are hurting over the perception they were being overlooked or left out based on a social hierarchy.

I had two reactions to this:

sympathy

bewilderment

The first shouldn't require much in the way of annotation. Feeling less than is never fun. To a greater or lesser degree, we've all been there. And I would never dispute the verity of someone's emotions. Your feelings are your feelings.

What puzzles me is how people can be taking the professional networking so personally. Yes, the social aspect was fun, often silly. But we were all there for a conference, weren't we? I understood this was a professional event (at least, that's what I'm telling my tax accountant!). I went with the expectation that there would be socializing, and new friends to make, but principally I was there because blogging is my venture ( I don't advertise on my site, but it is part of my portfolio as a writer). I expected that I would attend sessions to improve my blog, and that I would be networking strategically to promote my blog.

Eight hundred attendees, two mostly scheduled days, one little old me. Let's do the math. Did I make a calculated attempt to meet and spend time with bloggers with valuable influence, experience, and/or content and audiences similar to mine? You bet I did. Does that mean I used or sucked up to those people, snubbed or avoided others? It did not. Did I forget my manners for a minute? Well, once, at Real Simple, but it was after hours and they were rude to me first. :-)

Many of the commenters on the posts I read in this vein blame women en masse for the hurt feelings. As in, this kind of clique-ishness is just what happens when you get a bunch of women together. WTF??? What kind of skewed, self-hating attitude is that? Why does networking become something Machivellian and scheming when applied to a conference of women? If it were 800 professional men hustling themselves and their talents at a weekend conference, you think anyone would be crying in the bathroom? How does it make someone a sellout or a phony to attend a professional conference with a professional objective?

Okay, we aren't men. We do relate differently. And I think that's usually a good thing. I don't think women should have to act just like the boys to succeed in business, politics or the arts. But you have to understand the boundaries between personal and professional and learn to navigate them appropriately.

That's not sacrificing integrity, that's a mark of maturity.

Kyran, Notes to Self

Comments

spot on
By: letterb Posted: 1 week 13 hours ago

(Dude! I told you about crying in the bathroom in the strictest confidence!)

I think that you are spot on. Blogging for many women is taking the private public and that comes with a good deal of personal risk. When you are basically selling your story (not necessarily for money but everyone wants respect) it's hard to separate a persona to work behind as you might when you have a title and corporation behind you. I think that is why this theme of snubbing and cliqueishness comes out repeatedly after the BlogHer conferences. It's a response to the perceived slights that seem so personal when you're letting it all hang out so to speak. I think that this kind of reaction, based on the pattern so far, is just part of the territory. As blogging (or whatever we'll be calling it in a few years) evolves there will be less and less of this. But I also think the other side of that sword is a reduction in the soulful moments too.
*****

One more thing!

Jory Des Jardins — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 10:15:31 -0500

I have started to reach out to people through LInked-In, asking for all kinds of things! Guess I got over that initial trepidation. It could be that the automated forms of networking really can work as long as we are strong about saying no if we're not comfortable with connecting someone we don't know.

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause

Great distinction you make here!

Jory Des Jardins — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 10:13:50 -0500

Elana,

You're right. People can FEEL one-way networking. I think that's what may have annoyed Tish.

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause

a short note on Networking

Tish G — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 08:42:00 -0500

Hi Elana and thanks for posting on this...

I think that kyran makes a good suggestion--but I would also suggest that networking troubles aren't just among BlogHers. It's really an issue with women in general, who aren't taught to network quite the way men are...

There are many ways to learn networking (beyond BlogHer running a workshop)--look into the eWomen's Network that makes networking an integral part of its events. It's a place women can go to meet other inexperienced networkers, as well as meet other women who are great at it.

If one is running a business, local Chamber events can be good--but they can also be shark-infested waters! I'd recommend attending meetings of women business owners groups (there are lots of them all over the place!) These are great places to learn from experienced business women about how to network. And often the speakers at these groups give great information about all different aspects of running a business. That's what they're there for!

And, you might be surprised to make some friends at these events....

As for networking at events, before I go, I *read* the description of the event and figure out why I'm going. Events are not all about me and getting my message out. I try to figure out what the organizers are doing and what I might get from the event. I will sometimes look at the attendees list to see if there's someone I want to meet for specific reasons--like I admire the person, or they're with a business that I might want to work for.

Most importantly though, we have to like meeting people. I often get anxiety riddled before an event, or I get the "I'm too tired to meet people," thing--at some events I'm on and make all kinds of connections, at other events I make less. I don't beat myself up about it. Just go with it. And I also send the "nice meeting you" email, or the "nice to see you again" email. It's up to me to keep track of who I met and who they might become in my network. But I think we would do better if we just networked with the primary goal of the pleasure of meeting people first and making a great business connection second. As I've been taught, and have seen for myself, one can certainly flow from the other.

Tish Grier
blogger/consultant/writer
currently with Assignment Zero--blogging at
the Constant Observer

Couldn't read your link

Elana Centor — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 08:14:01 -0500

I am very eager to read what you wrote about it and I think an orientation to networking is a great idea --not just for newbies but for all of us.

When you can get a chance resubmit that link so we can all read what you wrote.!

elana
Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

Networking at Blogher 07

kyranp — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 07:14:00 -0500

Elena,

This is all so good, and practical.

I mused about the the blurry distinction between "just for fun" and networking at the Blogher conference here, but it sank straight to the silty bottom of the new site design with nary a bubble to the front page. :)

Confusing personal with professional...

I did cross post it over at my own site, and one of my commenters suggested that future Blogher conferences include an Orientation to Networking session, to help those who need it reach out proactively without breaching ettiquette (and have more fun!). I thought it was a super idea. Hope it gets passed along.

Kyran, Notes to Self

What do you really mean when you say you are networking?

Elana Centor — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 18:09:55 -0500

Long before there was a LinkedIn, FaceBook, You Should Meet, WorkitMom,
or the Downtown Women's Club people attended face to face events often in the hopes that they could meet potential business associates.

There was the exchange of business cards and usually the follow up phone call. Sometimes it opened a door, sometimes it felt like a waste of time , sometimes real friendships emerged,and sometimes it resulted in getting on a mailing list you wish you were never on.

Networking, when done correctly can be a beautiful thing. But,( this is a BIG BUT)when the rules are not followed, eyebrows are raised, emails deleted and blog postsare written.

Prior to becoming a blogger in 2004, I freelanced for the business section of the Chicago Tribune. One of the last pieces that I wrote was on networking,and how for some businesses it had become a more important strategy than advertising or direct marketing.

If there were an award for attending the most networking events in one year, Pat Ewert would definitely be a contender.

In 2002, when Ewert was in charge of business development for Tandem Professional Employer Solutions, she attended more than 300 networking events--and credits those efforts for increasing the company's sales by more than 50 percent.

"A typical week included breakfast events, a few lunch events, and then one or two events every evening," explained Ewert, who acknowledged that the idea of attending so many events would seem draining to most people.

Ewert said it energizes her while she concurrently builds brand awareness and generates business leads.

Ewert is one example of how networking has become an aggressive, sophisticated, strategic way to build business--competing with, and in some businesses replacing, more traditional methods of cold- calling, advertising and direct marketing.

In 2004, the thought that I might attend 300 networking events in one year seemed about as unlikely as winning the lottery. Fast Forward to 2007 and 300 networking touchpoints isn't unusual--even for me,a relative recluse.
It certainly doesn't feel extreme. How many comments do you leave on blogs each week? How often do you add to a discussion in FaceBook or LinkedIn?

While it may not feel extreme to make hundreds of networking connections in a year, the aggressiveness of some to use networking events or online communities to build their business is making several bloggers uncomfortable.

From Tish Grier, at the Constant Observer,

Rude! Rude! Rude!: today I received yet *another* email from another BlogHer alumna offering me her business blogging consulting services! I continue to be horrified by the over-zealous marketing in which some fellow BlogHers are engaging. Had this woman read my blog, she'd seen the link to the Business West article where I was interviewed about business blogging.

In May, Jory Des Jardins wrote an extensive post about LinkedIn Ettiquette called Avoid Bad e-Networking: The Unofficial Laws of Linked-In

...there is also a discomfort that I have with the tool. It encroaches on a fundamental belief I have about networking--I've always believed that a contact is only legitimate when there's been a proactive introduction and acceptance of the contact information. Let me clarify: A "proactive" introduction is an organic introduction. A typical proactive networking situation (besides meeting someone in-person and exchanging information) would be chatting with someone who is inspired by your cause and offers to introduce you to a contact. A less-proactive, but still acceptable, form of introduction would be reaching out to your network for introductions to people that your contacts believe would be interested in connecting. Then the onus is on your network to speak up and offer contacts, or not. If they offer contacts they do so by choice. Linked-In is permission-based--my contacts cannot get access to my other contacts without my permission. But when a contact askes me to connect them with another contact of mine, I'm sometimes uncomfortable. My reputation IS my contacts, and so is my judgement in sharing them. I believe in the democratizing effect of social media and its ability to connect people of like minds (and like needs). But within six degrees of separation are many sub-degrees of nuance, intuitive determinations of appropriateness that Linked-In cannot mechanize.

Marnie Webb ,who blogs at ext 337, has also written about the dilemma of what to do with all those business cards she brings home from conferences.

And sometimes I get the it-was-great-meeting-you emails. I think, How good this person is. A short note to remind me of our talk. I think, They are getting the art right. They got my business card. I know they sent the same note to a whole lot of people. But still. The business cards didn’t just go in a drawer. Until, the third time I meet them. Or, the fourth. When I get the exact same note. Like we’ve just made acquaintance for the first time. An art, sure. Like Thomas Kincaid is art. So, what do I do after the networking? What do I do with the interesting things. Throw the business cards into a drawer. Keep plugging through the email. Stuck in the daily grind of the one word answers. “Go,” I write a lot in emails. I write, “Hold.” I’ve been asking myself this a lot lately. Nose-to-the-grindstone-crazy-busy with NetSquared. So, I was pretty interested to see a recent ChangeThis manifesto, The Care and Feeding of Networks. CareFeedingOfNetworkCopyright.

Here’s the secret: introductions.

The Manifesto that Marnie talks about consists of 10 powerpoint slides. Here is their thoughts on networking.

Networking is not “networking”Huh??The “average” networkers are making the critical error of only looking out for themselves.That’s because they approach networking like they would approach building a house: treatingit like it’s a task. If you’re building a house you need to gather a group of talented peoplearound you: a contractor, an architect and a dozen sub-contractors to get your stuff done.Building a network is completely not like that. It’s not about collecting people around you toget your stuff done. People get confused because they think the best network they can haveis full of people who can get them things. This is also true of salespeople who think thatnetworking translates into a numbers game. The more names, business cards or links theycan collect the greater they believe their network will be.

Of the 800 or so bloggers who attended Blogher 07 in Chicago, it felt that the majority were there to connect with friends, improve their craft and drive traffic to their blogs and above all else..have lots of fun.

While some may have seen the 800 names as potential to aggressively market their services, they are in the minority and probably believe that they are being strategic and effective.

For fun, I wanted to check up on the uber networker, Pat Ewert that I wrote about in 2004. I wanted to see if she if she had transitioned to social media networking. I wasn't disappointed. I'll be surprised if I don't hear from Pat in the next 24 hours. It will be fun to reconnect and hear how she has adapted her face to face networking skills in the online environment.

Image Credit: Miller Marketing