BlogHer - New York Times' Adoption Blog Censors Adult Adoptees - Comments

Thank you for the links!

Lovebabz — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:33:32 -0600

Maria,

Thank you for the links, I appreciate them. I love stories about any child being adopted but I am super pleased when it's african-american children.

Love,
Babz

Adoption and culture

writergal8 — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:31:17 -0600

You have to remember that some cultures are family first - this means that blood family members have first dibs on a kid's adoption, and often when non-relatives adopt a child, they pretend that the kid is biologically theirs. I personally know a kid who is adopted...he's Asian as are his parents, but I'm pretty sure the parents have not told him a thing, despite his mother being a little too old to have had him biologically (his mom is almost 60 and he's in his mid teens) . I have heard of stories in Japan where moms-to-be fake a pregnancy because they're too ashamed to admit that the kid they're having isn't biologically theirs.

my blogs:

Writing Blog (for updates on my writing and media plugs about my book)

Shorty Stories (a blog for petite activism)

Hi Lovebabz

Maria Niles — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 15:51:49 -0600

You are right, we rarely hear of families of color adopting even though it is happening so here are a couple of links to such stories... And thanks for sharing your story.

NPR - black family who have adopted a white child

Clips of stories from a show sponsored by Black Adoption Placement and Research Center

Kleenex® Let It Out Blog
Beyond Help

I am not sure I am doing it right...

Lovebabz — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 11:53:36 -0600

I just know that this is a bigger issue about race and class. No one is really prepared to talk about race and class on any front let alone adoption. I am happy that folks adopt asian children, but I would love it if more African and African-American children were adopted. But we have problems when White folks adopt kids that aren't white and you never hear of People of Color adopting anyone--let alone kids of color (it doesn't mean we don't you just don't hear of it).
So there are so many other inter-connected issues based on this one thought and one comment that was seen as earth-shattering. Maybe the reaction is one of fear or perhaps we know what we know but won't speak truth to power. November is National Adoption Month! Good discussion.
Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com

lovebabz does it right

pdxWoman — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 11:39:48 -0600

Sounds like you and your circle do it right, lovebabz. Kudos. The people I know as friends who have adopted internationally/multiculturally also expose their children and entire family to their heritage and the current community of culturally similar people.

I wouldn't think this would turn people off adopting internationally or multiculturally; it's not saying such adoptions are bad, just that, like with most things, there's a way to do it and a way not to do it...

pdxWoman

But sometimes, the adopted

writergal8 — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 21:46:19 -0600

But sometimes, the adopted parents overdo the old country culture or do it incorrectly. For example, many parents who adopt children from China would expose them to traditional/historical Chinese culture, but none of the popular culture. Even if they lived in a diverse city like New York where Chinese/Asian pop culture(s) can be readily absorbed.

my blogs:

Writing Blog (for updates on my writing and media plugs about my book)

Shorty Stories (a blog for petite activism)

In my circle of adoption parents...and this is just my opinion

Lovebabz — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 19:11:12 -0600

I am the mother of 4 children adopted domestically. But I have lots of friends who have adopted internationally and transracially and this whole notion of supressing culture is ridiculous--in my circle. Those of us who adopt fully understand that children need their cultural identity and a connection to their roots. And we all deliberately and methodically and mindfully plan and facilitate--seek out if you will all that would support this. This is true of doemstically adopted children too. I am not saying these folks aren't truthful in their experiences or their feelings, I just think that there are 3 sides to any story, your side, my and the truth. Adoption is a divine way to parent, to raise children and to give back to community. This issue is most troubling to me because there are children in the world that need forever families and God knows it is hard enough to push adoptions through in America, I would hate to think that this would discourage folks from loving children and adopting children all in the same breath.

Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com

Why?

pdxWoman — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:25:59 -0600

Why would someone want to adopt a child from a different culture (domestically or internationally) and then ignore the child's heritage? I've never understood that.

About 5 years ago, a co-worker adopted a baby girl from India. For a shower gift, I made a baby quilt using East Indian textiles. At different times, the new mother and several other co-workers asked my why in the world I'd make a gift that would (1) remind the mom that she wasn't really the child's mother and (2) remind the child of a place she was better off putting behind her.

It seems to me that the cultural richness of adoption should be a valued aspect of a family's life. If I adopted internationally and/or interculturally, I'd make it a point to know and share my child's culture with him or her. I'd go out of my way to include people intimately familiar with the culture in our family life. I'd be richer for it, and so would my child.

pdxWoman

New York Times' Adoption Blog Censors Adult Adoptees

lainad — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 13:43:06 -0600

(Hat tip to Carmen at Racialicious)

We are all used to independent bloggers monitoring their comment pages to weed out offensive commentators, but what happens when a blog run by one of the world’s most prestigious media corporations does it?

This month, the New York Times started a blog, Relative Choices which focuses on American adoption stories. They have asked a group of notable journalists and adoption experts to post on a weekly basis. The contributors, who consist of more adoptive parents than adult adoptees, discuss their experiences with their predominately internationally adopted children. (Perhaps this will change with time with the addition of perspectives of people who have adopted domestically). Depending on your personal perspective on International and Transcultural adoption and how much paternalism / colonialist bulls^&t you can take, the articles have, well…been interesting, so far.

This week, after a post from writer Tama Janowitz whose 12 year-old daughter was adopted from China, there was, according to Racialicious at least 13 different adult adoptees and allies whose comments were not approved via the moderation policy of the blog. Jae Ran at Harlow’s Monkey who has posted some of the banned comments, the NYT eventually posted some of them – not in the chronological order of the time they were written ( btw) but none of them were from adoptees.

So why the hoopla? Here is a portion of Janowitz’s post:

A girlfriend who is now on the waiting list for a child from Ethiopia says that the talk of her adoption group is a recently published book in which many Midwestern Asian adoptees now entering their 30s and 40s complain bitterly about being treated as if they did not come from a different cultural background. They feel that this treatment was an attempt to blot out their differences, and because of this, they resent their adoptive parents.

So in a way it is kind of nice to know as a parent of a child, biological or otherwise – whatever you do is going to be wrong. Like I say to Willow: “Well, you know, if you were still in China you would be working in a factory for 14 hours a day with only limited bathroom breaks!”

And she says — as has been said by children since time immemorial — “So what, I don’t care. I would rather do that than be here anyway.”

For the number of adoptees who have posted about this entry, Janowitz, whom, to be fair, was probably 'joking' (sigh) when she said the above to her daughter, the insinuation that International and Transcultural adoptees should be grateful for their adoptive parents and new living situation - that we dare not complain and must be even more obedient than their biological offspring, was resonant. And while I just said that she was joking, in reality, it is not a joke to tell your child that if it wasn’t for you, than they would, based on their cultural heritage, have a life of abject poverty and misery. Also, the attitude that Asian adoptees are complaining bitterly about their experiences seemed to be a trite dismissal of a very serious and important problem concerning adoptive parents who think that their child’s cultural differences can be dismissed / avoided / ignored with a McDonald’s Big Mac and an apple pie - the same problem that I suspect Janowitz has in relating to her daughter. You are American now! Everything is okay and now you are better than those people in that country that I just rescued you from!

So when adult adoptees wrote critical comments, they were banned, and now the comments have been permanently closed for that post. What this says about the NYT and more specifically the purpose of the blog, is that it is for adoptive parents, not adoptees. That adoptive parents can write whatever they want, regardless of the incorrect and harmful content in their posts. Regardless of the fact that there are posts which reinforce the reasons why some people should not adopt transculturally, versus the promotion of adoption, in which I’m sure was the original intent of the NYT .

There are several bloggers who have written about this more extensively, and I suggest you check them out (and according to Carmen, some prominent thinkers, such as Jae Ran were rejected by the NYT to contribute on the blog):
Resist Racism
This Woman's Work
Reading Writing Living
My Sky - Multiracial Family Life