Talking To Kids About Rape

alyssaroyse — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 09:26:34 -0600

A great organization that I used to be on the board of contacted me yesterday to ask me to write a "guide" to talking to kids about rape. Eeek Gads! The ED of the organization, which is a children's theater, had been arrested and arraigned for rape of a minor. Gasp!

As a rape survivor, an educator, a writer and a mother, i said "sure." As a rape survivor, an educator, a writer and a mother i said, "oh god, this shouldn't be necessary." I immediately went online to see what was out there, and was shocked to find that there wasn't much of anything out there to help parents talk about this stuff with their kids.

So, I wrote up a guide, and I hope people can find a nd will use it. I'm including the first part - kind of a "how do i talk to them" here. But the rest of it - the "what do i talk about" part is online on my JUST CAUSE blog .

TALKING TO CHILDREN ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT

Sexual assault is a scary topic - for both parents and children. But, talking about it is one step towards both prevention and healing. Talking about it provides an opportunity to discuss boundaries and safety with your children, and offers an opportunity to remind your children that you are there for them when they need you.

Here are a few tips:

• Just like having "the talk" about sex, let your child take the lead when talking about sexual assault. Children will, generally speaking, ask for the information that they need, and you don't need to offer details that they don't ask for.
• Provide information in clear and simple terms, refer to body parts by their appropriate names.
• Teach them to tell. The sexual abuse of children is totally dependant on children NOT telling an adult that it's happening. This is a secret they should NOT keep.
• Discuss good and bad actions, but try to avoid discussing people as "good" and "bad." If children believe that only "bad" people can do this, then if someone they trust - like a teacher or coach - becomes sexually inappropriate with them, they are less likely to recognize it as inappropriate. Focus on the behavior, not the people. (More than 80% of sexual assault against children is committed by a trusted friend or family member.)
• Discuss boundaries and make sure your child knows who they can talk to if something inappropriate is happening. They may not want to talk to you, so you need to be sure that they are aware of other adults they can talk to who will help them.
• Make clear that rape is not about sex, even though it involves sexual body parts. Rape is a violent crime, it is about violence and power. It is important, especially for the recovery of a survivor, that this distinction is made in order to not to confuse their sexual identity as they grow up.
• Tell them that it is NOT their fault, or the fault of the person who was raped.
• Tell them that you want to talk to them about what happened, because you want to protect them. Help them to feel safe, and give them a feeling of empowerment.

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Talking To Kids About Rape