Over the river and through the woods to family stress we go!

Nordette — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 21:32:59 -0600

Jill Scott's song "Family Reunion" from her album Beautifully Human is not a Christmas or holiday song. It's set in the summer, the popular time for organized family reunions, yet it is a Christmas song because we know that if you're fortunate, or unfortunate depending on your view, you'll see a whole lotta relatives during December.

For those of us who did not get the Norman Rockwell family, the song offers some solace and subtle advice through Jill Scott's delivery. The song's laid back, smooth, and Jill's busy loving all her family in its lyrics, no matter how crazy its members may be--drunks and fighters, bad cooks, babies, warm hearts and all.

There's no video for the song on the Net, but you can listen to Jill sing it here at YouTube, and here are the lyrics courtesy Sing365.com.

Jill Scott - Family Reunion

We at the family reunion, tellin' jokes and playin' spades
Uncle Dave is on the barbeque grill
Grandma braggin 'bout the blanket she made
For the new baby on her way
Even though the daddy ain't really ready
This child is coming...anyway, yeah

Niecie made her famous potato salad, somehow it turns out green
Maybe it's all the scallions, could be the celery
But ol, Uncle Jerome loves it (Hmm)
Hey baby baby, here comes my favorite...my favorite cousin
He says he's doing fine, takin'it one step a day but in my heart I know it ain't that way

Chorus
whoa whoa-o-whoa whoa-o-whoa whoa-o-whoa
What can you say...its family
and whoa whoa-o-whoa whoa-o-whoa whoa-o-whoa
What can you say...its family

Aunt Juicy been drinkin' again...ooh its only 1:30 in the afternoon
Everybody tip-toeing 'round her, we all know she gonna be tore up soon
Saying all the things we like to say, hope she gets around to Cousin Lonnie
Cause We all know he got a little extra somebody on the side (But)

Chorus

Oh shit, Damn Mickey and Steven are fighting again
Move out the way, somebody might get hurt
Aw Look at that what happened is worse
They knocked over Helenora's Lemon Cake (Emm)
You know the one she barely ever makes
I'm gettin riled up, I want them to go
But Somebody turn Frankie Beverly on the stereo
Cousin Ruby starts rockin', shaking her good hip and bobbin
So we all fall into place, smiling and laughing

If you have the near-perfect family, you know, The Waltons, then you may not relate to Jill Scott's song or a family gathering where everyone knows Aunt Juicy gets sloshed and tells Cousin Lonnie's business. But if you have a family where folks have problems that take emotional tolls, then "Family Reunion" may resonate. You may be preparing to gird your loins for your family's holiday gathering at this very moment.

I wasn't always happy to attend big family gatherings in my youth, but today I think it's a sign of maturity to go and face them joyfully. When we learn to accept our lives as just that, our lives, life from which we will learn the best lessons tailored to our needs, then we're happier. Actually, I believe my children have missed something precious by not being able to attend large family celebrations, even those that show our family's flaws.

In November Dr. Mona had some advice for humans who dread facing family during the holidays. Here's the question:

Every year I go through the same anxiety. It is the season of seeing the whole family and hearing their muted complaints and their veiled shock that my life doesn't seem to be moving forward. I am a 35-year-old single woman with a career in advertising. I love my grandparents, my parent, my siblings, and my nieces and nephews. It would appear to be a picture-perfect family gathering with the cooking, the gifts, and the singing. But there are also the tensions, the arguments, and the crying. I approach the ... day with fear and then when it is all over, I feel relieved that it has finished and that I actually enjoyed it. So, why can't I enter into the day calmer and more relaxed? (from Dr. Mona)

According to the doctor, the person asking the question does not have serious family dysfunction issues, but sort of "normal" stuff. The post addresses dealing with this lighter type of dysfunction. I think her tip about facing family strife with humor and examining expectations is the most useful.

Examining and changing expectations is a topic I addressed in my post about being divorced and facing the holidays. Divorce and family dysfunction often go hand-in-hand, but the right attitude can make the difference between a disastrous holiday and a pleasant memory for both you and your children.

Here are a few other blogs discussing holiday stress in its various forms (not necessarily the stress of family dysfunction during the holidays): Amazing Trips with ""Who needs fruitcake when you are one, BlogHer's Catherine Morgan with "Coping With The Holidays When You Suffer With Chronic Illness", Solipsistic Scribbling with "Time for a Break", and House of H offers 500 Percent Overwhelmed. Jen4, the family blogger at Amazing Trips says her stress remedy is writing. Now that's something many readers here will understand and do.

Over at The Huffington Post, John Lundberg reflects on Robert Frost's poem "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" as he deals with urban stress and the holidays. I too love that poem to which may relate during this time of year. The poet laments that he may not stop and rest; he has miles to go before he sleeps.

WebMd.com has an old but helpful article as well, "Emotional Survival Guide for the Holidays." The site also has a blog from last Christmas by Dr. Rod Moser that may be just serve you well with a little laughter as in your stress is nothing compared to Santa's. He's got it all, high-profile job, possible marriage problems, and serious health challenges! Hmm, perhaps the rest of us should count our blessings.

Nordette Adams is a Contributing Editor at Blogher.com

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Over the river and through the woods to family stress we go!