Where Prejudice, Discrimination Run Amok

Pamela Jeanne — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:51:02 -0600

As I wrote when I first heard about this talk show abomination: I've long suspected, but now it appears to be, sadly, validated by this horribly exploitive and insensitive attempt to garner ratings ... the 12.5 percent of the child-bearing population (infertile men and women) are one of the last minority groups that are fair game to emotionally abuse, disrespect, judge or marginalize. As if living with the conditions that prevent us from having children easily or at all isn't enough to bear, now it's okay to scorn and mock us, too?

Maybe it's good that I can't have children. I wouldn't want them to grow up in a world that condones or accepts this type of behavior.

Pamela Jeanne
www.Coming2Terms.com

Wolves in Duck Clothing: The Tyra Banks Show Guide to Infertility

Melissa Ford — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 10:01:29 -0600

If it looks like a duck and it walks like a duck then the saying goes that it's probably a duck. But what do you do when trusted infertility organizations are duped by a wolf in a duck costume? Or a duck-wolf hybrid? Or...since this analogy is falling apart since there is nothing duck-like about sensationalism, what do you do when producers from the Tyra Banks Show deceive major infertility organizations and potential interviewees alike in an effort to elicit tears and boost ratings in our schadenfreude-like culture?

The American Fertility Association (AFA) and Resolve both sent out a call for interviewees for the Tyra Banks Show to members on their newsletter lists. The call closely mirrored in sensitivity the blurb posted on the show's website:

The producers of the Tyra Banks Show are looking for women and men in the New York City area to share their experiences coping with infertility on an upcoming show. They are interested in hearing from both couples and women and men individually on how you've dealt with the emotional ups and downs of infertility and found inspiration to keep trying.

Soon after the notice was sent out, bloggers found an additional call for interviewees on the Tyra Banks website pulling together a very different show:

Do you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom? Have you seen and heard her struggle for years, felt her unvoiced jealously and seen her desperation first hand? Have you watched silently for too long as she gets her hopes up only to be disappointed and heartbroken when she can’t conceive? Has she tried extreme methods and spent a lot of money to get pregnant with no luck? Do you want to finally tell her she needs to stop the emotional and physical stress on her body and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative? If you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom and getting pregnant, then submit below.

It's still unclear whether or not these episodes were one and the same. The AFA and Resolve both followed up with producers of the Tyra Banks Show and sent out an apology to their members. The reality is that sensational television is just that--sensational. It is not there to present reality or even education. The Jerry Springers and Tyra Banks of this world aren't concerned with the emotions of their guests or getting word out to the public about serious issues. They fill the same niche as tabloids and gossip websites.

Even knowing this wolf, bloggers still had a very emotional reaction to this incident. Gabrielle at Fertility Notes had an impassioned post titled "Screw You, Tyra" where she encouraged viewers to vote with their remote control and not tune in for this episode of Tyra.

Thing is, I was actually going to post this casting call here when I saw it on Resolve's site. But then I remembered a scenario from college, in which several feminist leaders on campus were invited to talk on another talk show - free trip to NYC, all expenses paid, a forum for your most important issues, right? Only to find that they had been totally set up. The episode was not about strong young women, it was meant to attack the idea of the “militant feminist,” this most unfeminine of females, ones that are actually willing to stand up for injustice and bullshit. This, dear Tyra, is bullshit. And for some reason, I sensed malicious intent from the get go.

Becky at Are We There Yet? wasn't surprised by the show's actions, but still lamented the way humans treat one another.

Am I shocked? No. This is just another show looking for ratings, but it appalls me. Perhaps we are forgetting that infertility is a personal and painful medical condition. How each person (male or female) decides to deal with it is up to them and their medical professional. I would never presume to tell a cancer patient what method of treatment they should pursue. I would also never tell them when it is time to call it quits. While death may not be an outcome of infertility, there is definite fallout from its effects.

Ariana at Becoming Mom echoed similar thoughts, wondering why thoughtful doesn't sell, but trashy does.

What a nice and compassionate way of describing the 1 in 6 women/couples struggling with infertility. Desperate, Obsessed, Jealous. The decision to move on to adoption or surrogacy is a very private one that should only be made by a woman and her partner. I don’t know about you, but any friend that thinks she has the right to tell me what, when or how I should feel about my infertility is NO friend of mine. Why must they take such the low road when approaching this subject when there are thousands of angles to this same subject that could be educational and eye-opening and millions of stories that are heartbreaking and millions that are heartwarming. Instead they choose to look for the trashy drama. I guess I can’t say I’m surprised, but certainly I am disappointed.

MLO of MLO Knitting asks a sound question that actually begs an answer and larger discussion in the comments section below: "So, my question is, why do so many in society believe they have a right to judge something they have taken no time to learn about? And, why do so many pretend they have facts that they don’t have?"

Possibly the most eye-opening post came from NYCPhoenix of Forever Reaching who was there at the taping of the show and had walked into the situation prior to all of this information coming out in the blogosphere. She wrote a review of the experience, but was contacted by lawyers from the Tyra Banks Show and told to remove it due to a contract she signed during the taping. The post was taken by other bloggers and can still be read on the IVP website.

Though the question remains what level of responsibility organizations have in protecting the emotional well-being of their members. Should Resolve and the AFA be expected to closely research every request that passes through their inbox or is their time better spent doing programming for their members? Should they reject every request the media makes trying to reach members of their community or pass along every one that comes their way with the hope that, overall, they will do more good than damage? Is an apology enough or should organizations be outlining what they'll do in the future so this same event doesn't happen again? And on a grander scale, what responsibility do tabloid television programs have toward their guests? If complete honesty isn't going to produce the sensationalized show they're consistently aiming to create, is it okay to lie in the vein of the genre with every guest entering with a buyer beware mentality to how they'll be treated once they're sitting on the couch--across from a duck who may or may not be a wolf in feathered clothing.

Melissa is the author of the infertility and pregnancy loss blog, Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters. She keeps a categorized blogroll of over 1100 infertility blogs and writes the daily Lost and Found and Connections Abound, a news source for the infertility blogosphere. Her infertility book is forthcoming from Seal Press in Spring 2009.

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Where Prejudice, Discrimination Run Amok

Wolves in Duck Clothing: The Tyra Banks Show Guide to Infertility