BlogHer - Let's Hear It For the "Mean Moms" - Comments

New Song in our House "You're Mean"

pollypoorhouse — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 22:19:09 -0500

If I've heard it once, I've heard it 20 times this weekend from my 8-year old. Mean when I say dinner before desert, mean when I say pick up your things before using the computer, mean when I say no, we can't afford that.

I know I'm doing something right. But you know what else? I told him I don't like to hear that I'm mean. It isn't respectful.

Yeah, I'm mean alright. I'm so mean that I want my kids to grow up to be responsible for what they say and do. I want people to like them. Heck, I want to like them.

Color me mean.

(When I'm not using other parenting techniques, like positive reinforcement, catching them doing something right.)

Polly Poorhouse

http://economiccrunch.blogger.com

I am a mean mommy too

redheadshesaid — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:16:27 -0600

I was just informed as I was trying to read this post that I am the "meanest mom" by my four year old. I'm sure she is really a 13 year old in disguise.

redheadshesaid
http://redheadranting.blogspot.com/

I, Too, Am A Mean Mom

Mesa Mom — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 11:17:07 -0600

Two nights ago I asked my girls 10 & 13 to unload the dishwasher. The 10 year old got it done (with minimal nagging), but the 13 year old procrastinated. I am SOOOOO tired of the normally obedient child and her "teenage" attitude and responsiveness. So this time I made the punishment fit the crime. When she came downstairs (1/2 hour after I called her) to unload her 1/2 of the dishwasher (she splits the duty with her sister) I also made her load it. She protested, even produced a tear or two, but I was stubborn and made her do it. (Not that I'll tell her, but after she went to bed, I re-arranged it to fit better.) Hopefully, she'll be more responsive to my requests next time!

I just remembered this post....

Robin-Pensieve — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:12:18 -0600

Hey Shannon,

I've often mused that "Mom" stood for "mean old mother"; today I wrote about something that happened in our family over the weekend, that required me to hold to some consequences that lead into this week.

When I was reading comments just now on the post, I remember this post and thought I'd come back and share my link.

Consistency...follow-through...are two of the most difficult goals in parenting to me.

I love being in the "M.O.M." Club....it ain't for sissies! :)

"When the Punishment Fits the Crime"

Mean Mom speaks :)

AskMeanMom — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 12:13:50 -0600

I noticed that I was getting a lot of hits suddenly, and many of them are coming from this blog...thanks! And thanks to Shannon for mentioning me and my website!

I've enjoyed reading the comments here. Mean moms rock and rule!

Julie,
The real mean mom!
http://www.AskMeanMom.com

Thank you mean moms

Jules0512 — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 13:09:35 -0600

I am not currently a mom, but plan to be in the near future. However, I'm a 6th grade science teacher and I LOVE mean moms!!! I have one parent who attends all classes with her son every other Wednesday until he brings his grade up. Others who take away Wiis and Playstations when grades drop too low....I LOVE them because they make my job so much easier.
I can't begin to explain how difficult it is to teach a kid responsibility and consequences for actions when they aren't receiving those at home...so thank you mean moms - I intend to be one myself!!!

Jules

I was definitely a mean mom and I'm darn proud of it

HavinsNest — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 19:37:01 -0600

My kids even bought me a plague that talks about Mean Moms.

We believe in natural and logical consequences.

I am the mom who went to school with her 7th grader for 3 weeks because I didn't like her attitude.
I am the mom who took oldest DD's bedroom door off the hinges because she slammed it one too many times.
I am the mom who canceled youngest DD's school trip to France 10 days before she was due to leave because I found out she'd been lying to us about a dent in her sister's car.

My last mean mom act was this past July and was to NOT go home to find youngest DD's shoes an hour before her wedding. Her godmother and I had spent 3 days asking her if she had everything we needed to take to the church in the (14) piles she'd scattered around my home. Guess who got married in her bare feet?

Now that our kids are grown I pick on the teens I work with each day.

I have a sign in my school office that says: Attention Teenagers. No is a complete sentence.

The kids mostly don't get it but the adults always laugh and agree when they see it.

To quote my plaque...The world doesn't need a good nickel cigar. What the world needs is MORE MEAN MOMS.

Mean Moms of the World Unite.
Kathy of the HavinsNest

Mean Mommy

BLMOM — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 14:26:35 -0600

I just posted a funny story about my 3 year old and his thoughts on me being a mean mommy today. Then I read this today! Crazy. It was encouraging to say the least. Someone once told me that if your kids call you a mean mom then you must be doing something right. Hmmm, something to think about.

Mean Queens Unite!

Jill Miller Zimon — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 12:23:11 -0600

I absolutely LOVE this post and the support.

I remember when my oldest told me he hated me and I told him that he didn't have to like me but I was just doing my job - I was sending him to his room to do something. Of course it hurt to HEAR those words, but I knew I was doing the right thing at the time.

Being a parent is hard but feeling guilt over not doing what you have to do and seeing the consequences of being squeamish will be much harder.

Thank you!

Jill
Writes Like She Talks

Not Their Best Friend

deb.opks — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 07:02:42 -0600

My job is not to be my kids best friend when they are growing up and that means sometimes I am unpopular! But when I have an adult who can function in society I have done my job and THEN we can be friends.

Deb at Three Weddings
http://weddingsx3.blogspot.com/

Love That Response!!!

abswyg — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 21:22:12 -0600

I'm definitely using that with my kids from now on! ;)

Amy S.
Up With Moms

Making them miserable

momma — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:39:35 -0600

My five year old is always asking me why I like to make her so miserable. I remind her that she wouldn't be miserable if she didn't disobey, but she never seems satisfied with that answer! :o)

~Amy
Memoirs of a Mommy

Mean Queen

theprisonerswife — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:28:55 -0600

i applaud this parent (and others) for taking a stand with their kids. these days i feel kids have gotten FAAAAAAAAAR too much leeway. we allow them TOO many opportunities to "learn from their mistakes" and that translates into kids who feel they can do anything they want, go on punishment for 2 weeks, and continue on as if nothing has happened.

everyday i encounter my students, many of which have absentee and/or overly permissive parents, and have to deal with their outrageous behavior. many of my students are headed nowhere FAST if they don't get some strong parental/adult guidance, and that's a sad revelation considering i teach 7th & 8th grade.

hell...i'd put out a want ad, press release, and hire a sky writer if i felt like it would help my students! Lord knows they need it.
~~
Gimme Love: http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com

Some conseqences are dire

citizengeek — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 19:05:14 -0600

To me it was always important for my kids to know that they could mess up, pay the consequences and then re-earn the privilege they lost.

In the case of drunk driving (which is the reason for the no alcohol rule in the first place) consequences can impact innocent parties irreversibly.

So- if that Georgia drunk had killed my husband, father-in-law, and brother-in-law when they were driving to pick up a birthday cake on public roads during the afternoon- how could that person have paid the consequences to my mother-in-law (widowed and without children)?

And the drunk woman who careened off the road in my neighborhood to die while my family and neighbors desperately fought to save her life- how can she make up those consequences to her young children and her family?

It is incredibly naive and irresponsible to teach our offspring that every wrong can be righted- especially in situations of immense responsibility (like driving).

A drunk driving conviction can ruin a person's chances at a law degree and can end a variety of public responsibility careers. Why is it so wrong to teach children that their PRIVILEGES should NEVER outweigh others' RIGHTS and PUBLIC SAFETY?

Losing a car is a tiny price to pay- and it does leave an ability to re-earn the privilege. It's just a longer, more memorable lesson than a month suspension of driving privileges. The consequence of losing a car hardly meets the other possible consequences (for your child, your family, and society) of drunk driving.

Sorry.........

RobinT — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:57:01 -0600

When it comes to alcohol and driving and teens, no second chances. That is just a big no no. At age 19, he will soon be old enough to afford a car on his own, and then have all of the responsibility. Good for Jane Hambleton and ALL mean moms!!

Let's Hear It For the "Mean Moms"

rocksinmydryer — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 07:52:14 -0600

If you are a mom blogger, then you almost certainly heard the "Meanest Mom" story spreading like wildfire across the news wires and internet last week. Jane Hambleton, an Iowa mom, found liquor in her teenage son's car, and she ran the following ad in the local paper:

"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet." (MSNBC)

The momosphere went nuts over this story. "My new hero!" wrote Erin here at BlogHer. Adrienne at Baby Toolkit, who has had too many close brushes with drunk drivers wrote

When it comes to driving and alcohol, taking away the keys temporarily probably isn't lesson enough. I'm really proud of Jane Hambleton for going public with this important lesson for parents and young drivers.

A similar story crossed the wires before Christmas, of a dad who found his son smoking pot in the backyard. The dad had just bought the boy Guitar Hero for Christmas, but he turned right around and sold it on Ebay (for $9,000, by the way--you can see the listing here).

Learning At Home made an interesting point:

The saddest part I see in this is that a parent made the news for standing up and doing the right thing.

To be fair, part of the news-worthiness of these stories lies in the fact that the parents made a stand in such a public way (the want ads and E-bay). But I think these stories catch on like this because they resound so deeply with parents.

Parenting is hard. Being consistent with your kids, doing the difficult (and unpopular thing), creating consequences for negative behavior--all these things demand so much of us. Stories like these bolster my resolve and remind me I'm not alone in setting firm boundaries for my kids. I will have the courage to say no when it's necessary. I will follow through on my word. I will make my kids' lives very uncomfortable when they break our family rules.

I'll do it because I know that consistent boundaries will communicate my love to my kids, even if it makes their eyes roll in the process. And I'll do it knowing that firm and loving parenting helps grow children into functioning, responsible adults. My "mean" parents did it to me--my mom stayed up late on weekend nights to "hear about my evening" (read: sniff my breath), and my dad bought me a clunker for my first car (I wrecked it within two months of turning 16; clearly he knew exactly what he was doing). I respect them for it, especially now that I'm a parent myself.

Don't miss these other great mean mom posts:

C Berry Baby's reprints an essay from the 1960's on being a "mean mom".
Just*dot*Christina examines her own tough love approach.
Julie Clark writes a parenting advice column at AskMeanMom, with her mantra being "say what you mean and mean what you say!"

--Contributing Editor Shannon also writes at Rocks In My Dryer and Bloggy Giveaways.