BlogHer - Why I'm Pro-Choice - Comments

No problem

Maria Niles — Tue, 20 May 2008 22:02:09 -0500

Glad you found this post useful. Thanks for your comments.

oops

loveXmorabora — Tue, 20 May 2008 21:38:44 -0500

i totally messed up. sorry about that!

i didn't scroll down enough

woah

loveXmorabora — Tue, 20 May 2008 21:35:50 -0500

i loved how into this you are

i'm researching stuff for a speech i have to do in class and its a pro-choice speech. your blog has been a life saver! it defiantly helped me in what i needed to say.

this was just too good.

again, thanks for posting something about this!!!!

woah

loveXmorabora — Tue, 20 May 2008 21:35:46 -0500

i loved how into this you are

i'm researching stuff for a speech i have to do in class and its a pro-choice speech. your blog has been a life saver! it defiantly helped me in what i needed to say.

this was just too good.

again, thanks for posting something about this!!!!

Thank you, Ree

Maria Niles — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 13:44:05 -0600

Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts and your heart.

You have expressed

Ree — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 11:54:15 -0600

You have expressed everything I could have said with eloquence and compassion. My own experiences with infertility, miscarriage, and an unwanted pregnancy have caused me to go back and forth on this issue. But I think, in my heart, I've always been Pro-Choice - and for the exact reasons that you state.

Until we're willing, as human beings, to care for children whose mothers either didn't want them, or couldn't care for them, or whose mothers died at the hands of a back-street abortionist rather than have ANOTHER child, we cannot, as a society, be the reason those children are unfed, unwashed, on the streets.

Thank you for the opportunity to share my own thoughts.

Thank you, Katherine

Maria Niles — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 11:55:22 -0600

Thank you for sharing your beliefs as well as your belief in love.

100%

Maria Niles — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 11:51:00 -0600

1,000% agree with you:

In my opinion, we should be kinder, more understanding and accepting of any woman's story. Period.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you

katstone — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 09:29:55 -0600

Thank you for sharing your beliefs. I rarely discuss the fact that I am a conservative and a very serious Christian and also pro-choice. It's hard to explain, but I'm pro-choice because I believe God gave us free will for a reason. He allows us to make our own choices, and I have no business judging anyone else's choice. Do I want people to have abortions? No. Do I hope that less people have them? Of course. Especially now that I have had children, my perspective has changed about how precious each new life is, and how it can blossom into something so amazing. My children are EVERYTHING to me. But I believe that Jesus taught us that we are ALL flawed, and we can all be forgiven. I'm really in no position to judge someone else's actions, because my own actions are less than perfect. I'm grateful to be forgiven and I try hard every day to forgive and avoid judgment. Thank you for talking about the importance of love. We need to work from a position of love. Let's try to create a situation where more and more women won't ever be in the position of having to make a choice.

Katherine Stone
Postpartum Progress

Somtimes You Need the Option of Pro-Choice

ExpectingExecutive — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 09:29:25 -0600

It wasn't long after my son was born that life circumstances and my ability to handle them did not meet with any kind of a "Oprah Magazine" tidiness. I was an absolute mess. New motherhood was killing me. Postpartum depression was wrecking havoc on me. Insurmountable breastfeeding obstacles turned me into something more soggy than infant rice cereal. I hated motherhood, PPD took over my experience. I was 33.

Somewhere in that period of time, I went to my OB-GYN for my 6 week after delivery follow up and got my new script for birth control. Then, we moved, 1500 miles to Texas. I continued to refill my birth control script. I found a new family physician group in Texas. Birth control scripts were refilled each month. I mostly remembered to take my birth control pill every day. There was not a lot of sex happening in our home. My use of the pill was/is for contraception and a method to regulate my menstrual cycle as it is wacky due to my progesterone deficiency.

Some background is required here. Before I had my son in Feb, 2005, I suffered more than 15 miscarriages Trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant was horrible, unforgiving and filled with sorrow and a divorce from my first husband. My reproductive desires were coupled with intense anxiety when I married my amazing second husband. As t turns out, I was unable to sustain pregnancy due to my progesterone deficiency. Without vaginal progesterone suppositories, as it was explained to me, I was not able to sustain a pregnancy past the first trimester. Oh, when I heard those words, my many miscarriages made so much sense to me then. It did not remove or remedy the past hurt and suffering but it did give me hope. And, hope, (along with progesterone suppositories), presented me with my son in February of 2005.

When my son was about 10 months old and my period did not show up on time, but that never surprised me. I had scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN because I needed a refill on my birth control (which I was given and continued taking). The resident OB-GYN preformed my well woman exam including a vaginal exam. He declared all was okay and he refilled my birth control script. A few weeks later, I began feeling those "only women know" feelings that I might be pregnant. I went to the drugstore and bought multiple pregnancy tests. Before, I has AWAYS purchased these tests with optimism and hope. It was not so with the purchase of these tests. And, these tests were positive. I was not prepared for nor desired another child. I was sure that if I had another child, it would destroy me. I did not want to be pregnant and I did not want to have another baby.

I have lived on just about every single side of women's reproduction at this point. It is emotional and unforgiving. In my opinion, we should be kinder, more understanding and accepting of any woman's story. Period. Choice is SO important, regardless the age, race or financial disposition of the woman "choosing". Respectful choice is the ideal. In this day and age of choice - women who do "choose" usually face cold, sterile and an unemotional environment. No follow up. No mental wellness follow up. Sigh.

Our country has stopped supporting open and respectful dialogue regarding reproductive education and options for women who are struggling to understand, implement and choose preventative and consequential reproductive decisions. Our country has a deep rooted aversion to condoning "pro-choice" for those women whose "choice" would undeniably and positively change the direction of their lives.

I am tired of arguing for my fundamental right to choose but will continue to do so. I believe, if you don't live in their home, know the physical, financial or emotional circumstances and if you are unwilling to financially and emotionally support the unwanted children and the unwilling mothers, I don't believe you have the right to an opinion, let alone the right to vote on what choice is made.

This country does such a poor job of supporting single and economically disadvantaged mothers. It is one of my greatest wishes that the "pro-life" efforts, energy and funds would focus on the well being and rights of children that currently live.

Erin
ExpectingExecutive

Um, I say absolutely yes

Maria Niles — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:01:34 -0600

you may profess any love for me, here. ;-)

I'm beyond flattered and honored and I really appreciate your kindness and support.

Thank you, Erin

Maria Niles — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:59:55 -0600

I'm honored to have the opportunity to write this piece in companionship with Shannon's.

Thank you, Jim for participating

Maria Niles — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:58:51 -0600

I respect that you may feel like your perspective might not be pertinent in some ways to this discussion but I think it is critical that men be involved in helping us figure out how we can support and empower women. If we are going to get to that better place we will all - male and female - have to join in walking the path.

Thank you.

Sad but true

Maria Niles — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:54:51 -0600

It is unfortunate but I believe you are right, Crunchy Carpets

it IS sadly an issue that has to be politicized until people can get past the emotional and religious side of it all.

Greatly appreciated, stephmsdiva

Maria Niles — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:53:35 -0600

I'm honored by your comment, thank you.

Why I'm Pro-Choice

Maria Niles — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 17:16:30 -0600

I am pro-choice. I cannot convince you to share my convictions if you do not, however I can explain to you why I hold this belief.

I offer my perspective not as an invitation for anyone to attempt to change my mind - you will not succeed - but in hope that, along with Shannon's post explaining why she is pro-life, we can have a civil discussion that moves us to a point at which we can find some common ground.

Personally

I am personally pro-choice because I am Christian. Yes, I'm outing myself as a believer. Those of us who are Christian but do not hold the what have become caricatured views of the so-called religious right often hesitate to share our faith. But I think it is important to share that being a Christian does not automatically mean that you oppose the right to abortion. In fact, the church into which I was baptized affirms that "it is the legal right of every woman to have a medically safe abortion."

I believe deeply that I have no authority whatsoever to judge the sin of any other person and to believe that I did would be blasphemous. Only God can judge our sins or innocence. The concept that a fetus is innocent is a moral one and not a legal one. I fully respect those who hold this view of life but my personal perspective tells me that it is not my place to judge relative moral innocence before or after birth. I also do not believe I am capable of divining God's will let alone creating laws that would seek to enforce that will.

Politically

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I was an idealistic young punk rocker who investigated theories of utopias and anarchy while also working in politics and studying government. As much as I love the idea that we could all just get along, I have come to believe that we as humans are not capable of existing without government and laws.

The laws of civil society do not exist to enforce morality and certainly not Biblical morality. Murder and abortion existed before the Bible as did laws prohibiting murder. Laws exist to regulate behavior in a way that allows societies to function. If there were no prohibition against murder society could not function if anyone could kill you for any reason without consequence. One need only look at nations which engage in and permit genocide to see that this is the case. Whether or not there is a God or what religion if any is the right one, if murder were unregulated, civil society could not exist.

Abortion does not disrupt civil society in the same way as murder. To believe that abortion must be regulated relies on a belief that a fetus is a person with all the rights and responsibilities of someone born. To grant a fetus that cannot exist outside the womb greater rights than the woman carrying the fetus is, in my estimation, fundamentally incompatible with the function of civil society.

Most importantly, making abortion illegal will not stop abortions. The disruption to society from criminalizing abortion I believe is much greater than protecting safe and legal abortion. If I were to choose to have an abortion it would not infringe upon your liberty or the function of society at all. If you were to deny me the right to choose an abortion it impinges upon my liberty and the society at large in a myriad of ways.

And to the argument that people should not be forced to be governed by laws which are in opposition to their moral and/or religious beliefs I would point out that we are all governed by some laws which do not comport with our personal moral beliefs. I am morally opposed to war and yet I voluntarily participate in a system of government to which I give my authority to decide to wage war and to which I pay taxes which support the waging of those wars. However, I also recognize that all societies, however small, develop methods to protect themselves from attack and I understand that there is common agreement therefore that a military should necessarily exist. Society cannot function if everyone is allowed to opt out of living under common laws based on individual beliefs.

Common Ground

My reasons for supporting choice are as personal, deeply held and, I believe correct, as believe those who feel the opposite. I respect the intelligent, compassionate women who have arrived at a different conclusion than I, and as I hope they will respect me. Any debates premised on what our intractable moral or political beliefs are will not move the discussion forward and will only result in each side digging their trenches deeper.

However, I believe there is common ground which we can all reach that will help us move forward towards a shared goal. Regardless of what anyone believes is the moral or legal right to abortion, I think most of us recognize that it is a choice that no woman wishes to be in a position to make.

What I would love to see is that we focus our energy towards loving women.

Loving them enough to ensure that every woman has sex only when they are fully capable of choosing to do so and fully capable of making choices regarding pregnancy. That no woman has sex because she lacks self esteem, because she thinks it is the only way she will be loved, because she was physically and emotionally abused and is acting out, because she is forced in any way.

That no woman does not use birth control because she cannot buy it, because she cannot afford it, because her partner is controlling and will not allow her to use it or refuses to use it himself. That no woman be forced to give birth when it would risk her life or prevent her from having wanted children in the future. That no woman be faced with the fear that raising a child when she is not equipped with the resources or support to do so will destroy her.

That we try our best to ensure that children are not brought unwanted into a life of poverty, neglect and abuse. That we recognize that most forms of birth control are not 100% perfect and that we support further development of safe, reliable, reversible forms of contraception. That we do not fool ourselves into believing that children born when they are desperately not wanted and because contraception fails are somehow likely to magically grow up healthy, happy and whole and be President someday when they are raised by a parent who tried to prevent their conception because they are aware that they were inadequately equipped to raise them. It could happen but realistically, probably will not.

That we recognize that our systems for adoption and foster care are not adequate and if we truly want to ensure that even those women who do not choose abortion and offer their children the hope of a better life through adoption we must work to fix those institutions.

The law will not stop abortions. Making abortion against the law merely changes the choice to whether or not a woman will risk her life and break the law. The law will never convince anyone of the morality of abortion but rather merely gives permission to us to collectively judge and punish a woman for making that choice and to make it more difficult and more risky to have an abortion.

Instead, let's face the realities of unwanted and non-viable pregnancy and work to prevent that rather than working to turn pregnant women into criminals. Let's work together to the best of our ability to eliminate poverty, to create opportunities for education and to support all women so they can choose to give birth from a place of being truly healthy, happy and free. We can work together in love towards the goal of not making abortion an issue and not demonizing, judging and lecturing either women faced with the choice or anyone on the other side of the divide from where we stand.

Additional Reading and Resources:

Behind the Abortion Decline:

These jurisdictions also help women avoid unintended pregnancies by making contraception widely available.

The lesson: prevention works. Restrictions on abortion serve mainly to hurt poor women by postponing abortions until later in pregnancy. While shifting social mores may change some people’s behavior, the best practical strategy for reducing abortions is to focus on helping women avoid unwanted pregnancies.

Sojurners a community led by Jim Wallis, author of God's Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It

The Network of Spiritual Progressives

"Evangelicals a Liberal Can Love" by Nicholas D. Kristof - including some thoughts on reaching common ground

BlogHer CE Suzanne Reisman has written movingly and incisively on why she is pro-choice, including her recent post "Why We Vote With Our Uteruses."

LiberalLucy posted here at BlogHer explaining why she is "Grateful For The Choice."

Roundups of the 2008 Blog for Choice Day from NARAL and feminist blogs.

Two articles from AlterNet on the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade:

Arguing, in part, for connecting men and women with non-judgmental support organizations
The global impact of U.S. reproductive rights policies