BlogHer - What's Your Reputation? What's Your Destination? - Comments

Fascinating skill!

Maria Niles — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:37:34 -0500

"I'm still blunt, I'm honest, and yet I reveal nothing."

Very cool! And I agree with you, it's disheartening how quickly we jump to "bitch" or other demeaning terms when people don't present themselves in a way that makes us comfortable.

Beyond Help

I have no idea if I have an

kperfetto — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 09:48:13 -0500

I have no idea if I have an online reputation. I hope it's not a bad one. :) Like sleeping mommy, I've been told I'm guarded or reserved. (Why does bitch have to follow? I hate that if a woman is not "warm" online or off, she's thought of as a bitch.)

Anyway, in my pre-blogging life, on forums and boards. I was always the quick, sarcastic one, and I've toned it way down since. I'm still blunt, I'm honest, and yet I reveal nothing. That's me in my non-online life, too.

Available Light & Five Dollar Radio

Glad to hear that it's worked for you

Maria Niles — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:17:21 -0500

I wish I had seen more of your kind of experience when I started blogging. I was very nervous about using my name and picture.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience.

Beyond Help

Complex, indeed!

Maria Niles — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:13:14 -0500

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I would agree that your online persona has shifted as you have changed blogs and that you are much feistier on twitter. I enjoy all your online personalities and hope that I am able to meet you offline, as well!

Beyond Help

shy or stuck up

Maria Niles — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:10:28 -0500

Thanks for commenting here, sleepingmommy.

And, I get the shy or stuck up thing alot, too. Mostly people sometimes think I'm stuck up when really it's just that I'm shy. I've learned to overcompensate by being overly enthusiastic sometimes and then people just think that I'm kinda nuts ;)

And, I bet your blog readers appreciate your vulnerability and nakedness and don't think of it as over-sharing your personal issues.

Beyond Help

Thanks, Leslie

Maria Niles — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:48:58 -0500

Thanks so much for these interesting thoughts.

And I would agree that you come across wackier in person than you do online - online you are what I suspect you are in a classroom - a fascinating teacher. But having sat down with you, a few other folks and several cocktails - I've seen that side, too.

I would disagree, though, that your keen interest in museums is boring.

And, thanks!

Beyond Help

Smilin' back atcha!

debra roby — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:38:03 -0500

Sarah,

I'm smilin' back at you. But I don't shop at either Wal-Mart or Whole Foods.. so you'll probably have to run into me at Target or SafeWay.

Debra
A Stitch In Time
Deb's Daily Distractions

Online and Offline, I Am The Same

Vered — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:27:03 -0500

When I started blogging, I needed to make a choice - do I use my real name and post a picture, or remain anonymous and create a separate online identity?

I decided to be myself online, because I don't feel that I have anything to hide - the number of skeletons in my closet is pretty average, I think. In addition, like you said, creating and maintaining a separate online identity seemed too exhausting to even consider.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Graze - great term

Maria Niles — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:33:42 -0500

I feel that way, too, that I peripherally participate in several communities but not one core one. And, am also pretty consistent online and off. There isn't anything I can think of that I talk about online that I haven't talked about just as much in real life including at work. I am who I am pretty consistently.

And thank you for the kind words!

For you I would say thoughtful, insightful, kind and deeply human.

Beyond Help

Wow!

Maria Niles — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:51:11 -0500

Such incredible food for further thought. Thank you so much for sharing this, Nancy!

Beyond Help

Looking forward to hearing more

Maria Niles — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:48:50 -0500

I started my first blog with a pseudonym but it quickly became the top search result attached to my real name so there went that. But even still I felt a little more free to be a bit more outrageous with the alter ego.

And look forward to hearing what you come up with after further thought.

Beyond Help

This is such a complex question for me...

Marilyn — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:15:48 -0600

...because my answer depends on who's asking the question.

I've been blogging for 4-1/2 years and in that time my online presence (so to speak) has been all over the place...in MY mind. Yet I often feel like I'm perceived one way by readers regardless of where I am in the blogosphere. I abandoned what had been my main blog 6 months ago because I felt too hemmed in (boxed in?) by what I felt my readers had determined my online persona was...and it was a lovely one! It just wasn't representative of huge chunks of who I am.

This issue is further complicated for me by the fact that I (now--didn't for years) use my full name in my blogging life, yet go to great lengths to hide my blogging life from most of my coworkers. Not because of the industry I'm in (although that's probably smart) but because of the toxic nature of some work interactions. In other words, I don't feel safe making myself known as a blogger in my own community. So for the most part I maintain dual identities. It can feel alternately limiting and liberating.

I sense that my blog readers perceive me to be WAY more warm and fuzzy than I am. I can be a snarky, sarcastic, impatient b*tch at times. Yes, I'm a softie for underdogs and really do love doing kind things for others, but that's not the sum of me.

It's only recently occurred to me that that's why I've fallen so deeply in love with Twitter. I'm a multi-tasker who's interested in a wide range of topics. Twitter's quick-hit blogging allows me to jump all over the place...from politics...to the arts...to news...to creativity...to travel...to humanitarian efforts...to whatever suits my fancy.

Those who know me in real life might say that my humor is one of my biggest assets. Yet I've learned the painful way that it tends not to translate well in the blogging medium. I've never figured out why that is--maybe my humor runs counter to others' perceptions of me so they don't understand it's humor. Again, that's where Twitter comes through. I feel like my Twitter-tribe 'gets' me and I don't have to explain myself.

The Land of Moo

Co-Founder of Bloggers for Darfur

I saw Erin's tweets on this

sleepingmommy — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:56:03 -0600

And I didn't answer. Because I really don't know what my online reputation is. I'm not even all that sure what my in person reputation is although I have been told that when people first meet me they think I'm one of two things. Either I'm shy or I'm a stuck up bitch. It's not the latter. I promise! I am pretty reserved with people when I first meet them in person, because I'm not comfortable showing the real me until I know someone well and am comfortable with them.

Online? I'm probably the blogger who shares way too much of her personal issues.

Sleeping Mommy
"If sleep deprivation is an effective form of torture, then the CIA should seriously consider employing my children."

Excellent post and conversation!

Leslie Madsen Brooks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:53:11 -0600

I've always thought of identity as one's affiliations, as in "identity politics." Identity politics gets a person halfway to authenticity, I think, because in identifying yourself with one group or another (or being identified by others with one group) you're less an individual than a member of a group. But being a member of a group is part of your individual identity. It's all so tangled!

I like the idea of online personas or even (gulp) brands. You may try to make your online persona match almost exactly your offline person, but chances are something will be lost in translation. When I think of personal branding, I think of a more calculated, and perhaps less risk-taking, persona.

Offline, I have a reputation for being a bit wacky, funny, and interested in just about everything. At work, my reputation is very much that of being a digitally savvy ideas person.

Online, I come across (except occasionally on my personal blog) as being considerably less wacky and wry. Online I'm an educator and faculty development professional with a keen interest in museums. *yawn*

Maria, I love your "badass" tagline.

Leslie

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Research and Academia
Proprietor, The Clutter Museum
I also blog at MuseumBlogging

It is getting more complex

Nancy White — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:07:03 -0600

So we have identity, reputation, and transparency (how much we disclose - does that include how much others PERCEIVE we are being transparent?)

I don't think the world can ever truly see how we perceive ourselves. But I do think online identity means something pretty specific that is far more than our self perception, at least this is what I'm thinking after mulling this over a bit.

1. Our identity as self perceived - inner life, outer life, the whole magilla, and which cannot be fully seen by another, even our closest person in our lives. It is a construct INSIDE our heads

2. Our external identity - the things we choose to put out in the world for others to see/perceive. How we dress, our bios on online sites, what we write in blogs and comments, how we act at the grocery story. It is the external manifestations. Again, how we perceive our external identity and how others do varies enormously. If you see just the chocoholic slice of me, it may be an important part of my identity, but it is just a slice.

3. Our reputation - I think reputation is how others JUDGE our identity and interact with us based on that judgement. Is she reliable? Trustworthy? Interesting? Outrageous? And so I filter my experience based on how I perceive another's reputation. I cut slack for dear friends, but maybe not for Andrew Keen.

3a. Reputation from an individual perspective - the kind that is the source of recommendations, "friending" and such.

3b. Reputation from a collective perspective - she comes up number on on Google may be a reputation point based on value to others, fame, or simply volume online. Her talk at Blogher 07 was the top rated talk in our survey. Often quantified.

Dunno what it all means. I guess I'm just thinking out loud! LOL

(And thank you for the beautiful compliment, Maria)

Nancy White
Full Circle Online Interaction Blog

What's Your Reputation? What's Your Destination?

Maria Niles — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 23:35:16 -0600

Like many ideas in my brain these days, it began with a tweet.

Do you have an "online" reputation? What is it? Do you know? Do you know mine?

It was a Lifehacker post which prompted these questions from The Queen of Spain (BlogHer CE Erin Kotecki Vest). Several people forwarded their impressions of themselves and of Erin. Erin offered her observations back. And the banter got me thinking about what I would want my reputation to be, how that differs from how others see me and how that reputation has evolved over time.

My response to Erin's question "Do you know mine?" was: yours - queen of stuff? (and that's a good thing) shit stirrer? bad ass mommy blogger?

Erin responded: queen of stuff works. kinda. I can't do others, it's too hard. I'd say...maria niles is expert on all things, defer to her. lol

I replied: I'd rather my rep be "loves everyone and hugs inappropriately - just accept it" but I suppose you don't determine your own rep

And then my brain wheels really started turning.

Why did I recoil from of me as "expert on all things, defer to her?" I mean, doesn't that sound like an awesome commandment? I've always been insanely curious. I began to read at age 4 and at 5 attempted to read my way through the encyclopedia, I'm told. My random reading across subjects continues to this day and I eagerly jump into conversations on the many topics about which I know a little. As a kid, this tendency to share caused my classmates to brand me a "know-it-all." And it always made me sad that my eagerness for knowledge and conversation made people think I thought I was better or smarter than them. Trust me, I was just as overwhelmingly shy and insecure as any young girl - talking about things I'd read was a way to get my nose out of a book, bring me out of my shell and allow me to connect with other people. Thus, the idea that I'm expert on all things and that people should defer to me made me uncomfortable.

I know that Erin meant that description as a high compliment and did not offer it in a derogatory spirit. And I could choose to own that perception. But I thought more about that pithy, spontaneous description I offered back and decided to attempt to write a twitter bio (you can write a one-line, 160 character bio for your profile there). Arse Poetica offered "badass" as a word for my description so I added it. Then I incorporated my spontaneous response and tweaked Erin's description to one that felt more comfortable for me. The result is:

Badass. Loves everyone, hugs inappropriately. Curious, opinionated & likes to share.

Another aspect of the article that sparked Erin's questions was the idea of having an "online" reputation and how you manage that. That prompted responses to Erin about how and if online and offline reputations varied. Most who responded to Erin and to whom Erin responded back concluded that for this non-scientific sample, online and offline reputations are the same. Except for Nancy White who apparently has a reputation for being taller offline. (I would link you to a sampling of some of the amazing responses Erin received but twitter is down once again as I write this.)

I have no idea if my online and offline reputations differ. I know that I do not make any effort to separate them. Certainly there are things some people who know me in real life know and there are things we discuss that I would never share or discuss online. But I use my government name online and don't try to censor myself out of fear. To do otherwise and attempt to manage multiple identities is just too exhausting to contemplate.

What are BlogHers saying about reputations online and off?

Natalie at Simple and Loveable writes:

I totally think we go too far sometimes with trying to create online persona’s that are nothing like what we do in real life and the coolest thing about the internet is that even if we never meet, you and I could really get to know each other.

Kim Krause Berg at Cre8pc on Usability & Holistic SEO asks:

Whenever we remove our mask and people see the real us, there’s a risk. How much of yourself are you willing to reveal? Is it important to doing business online?

What do you think? Does someone’s choices in their personal life alter your opinion of their business services?

Would you have the courage to stand up and defend a cause you believe in, and bring attention to it in your web site or blog if you could, even though it has nothing to do with your business, products or services?

Summer at Summer's Nook discovers:

I went through a lot of hurt before my perception of me and my assumptions about what others must be thinking of me, changed. Sometime I’ll go into more detail. But for now, I’ve realized that being comfortable around others, starts with being comfortable with myself.

Amy at Momories and Musings of a Mommy shares:

Why do I tell you all this? Maybe it is to change people’s perception of welfare recipients. Maybe it is to change your perception of me.

Fear inhibits honesty. I was afraid of what you might think of me so I painted a picture of myself and hoped you would not notice that I was telling an incomplete story. I showed you our BMW’s; I talked about our big house; I flaunted my nice things to distract you from some experiences that shaped me. I was ashamed of those experiences, but I am not ashamed of who I am.

I am compassionate, empathetic and nonjudgmental. Life has beaten me up, spit me out and taught me that I could have been a homeless person, an unwed mother, or an insufferable snob. I was fat, skinny, rich, poor, employed, fired and in therapy. I am a Christian who lived in sin. I am a shy extrovert. I am a contradiction.

I still fear what you will think of me after reading this, but take comfort in knowing that your picture of me is complete.

Aliz at Aliz's Quiet Life - But a Happy One finds:

I'm a lot more laid back than I ever have been. poliphilo gave me permission right back when we first met to be myself and after 17 years I think I'm finding out who 'myself' can be. Yet, 'myself' is constantly changing.

I expect that everyone changes, but I believed - was brought up to believe - that it wasn't allowed. I spent so many years fitting into the mould my parent's gave me. Trying to be their perception of me, that it's no wonder I was so uptight. I was supposed to be a problem, a dunce, never amounting to anything, unlovable, always letting people down. I think that when poliphilo threw my mother out of the house for telling him this, I learnt that his perception was different. It has taken me another 10 years to learn that everyone's perception of me is different again, and that my perception of others - and myself - is just that, my perception.

And Sara at To Everything muses:

Wouldn't we all like to/dread to know what others perceive of us? I'd be thrilled with the good and offended at the bad I'm sure. Maybe we better keep that a secret for now. Then again, truth may lie somewhere between your perception of me and my own. I have accomplished some pretty cool things fueled only on what other people told me I could do, with no confidence in my own abilities.

Only God knows what lies beneath, waiting to glorify or destroy. In balance, your perceptions of me might keep me in check or inspire me forward. My own perceptions tell me what to change and allow me to celebrate my life. Finally, God has no perceptions, only truth. And the truth frees me.

John 8:32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

And I'll leave you with a version of Erin's questions:

Do you have a reputation?
Do you have an "online" reputation?
Are they different?
Do you know?
Do you know mine?
What would your 160 character bio say?